It Was Never Over
by Eternally Romantic
Summary: Societal pressures and miscommunications caused Mary and Matthew to part years ago with no resolution on either side. Now reunited at university, can they pick up where they left off or are those same things that pulled them apart still lingering? Modern AU, once known on tumblr as school!mm.
1. Prologue

**It Was Never Over**

 **AN: I was asked if I could move all my drabbles from tumblr to this site for easier viewing and as a result, I will be uploading each "drabble" (remember I used that word very, _very_ loosely) as a chapter here in the order I believe they should be read in. For those who have followed me over from tumblr, this is what I referred to as school!mm, but will now be known as "It Was Never Over."**

* * *

 **Prologue**

It had been two years and the scent still made him pause.

That perfume that had so tortured him throughout his days at school, then becoming a sort of comfort when they grew closer so much so that it lingered on his clothing even when she had left him for the night.

It was the first thing he had noticed missing when she had gone. When it had all fallen apart and he had been left to muddle through. He was thankful that none of his other classmates ever had the courage to wear that particular scent because he wasn't quite sure he would have been able to handle it then.

It had been two years and he still was having a hard time handling the flashbacks that even a passing whiff of it gave him. It opened wounds he had long since had healed over, unearthed memories he long thought to be buried. A physical ache replaced the beat of his heart.

And just when he was sure he had moved on, was ready to move on, he was proved wrong.

Because now it wasn't the scent of her perfume that he sensed, but the woman herself walking towards him. She hadn't seen him yet, he was sure of it, but he definitely saw her.

Matthew wasn't sure if it would be worth just ducking his head and brushing past in the crowd of surging students. Would it be worth inflicting that pain on himself for just a chance to talk to her again? He wasn't sure it would be.

Fate had other plans.

When he finally decided to move in the opposite direction, the crush of students swelled and he couldn't go back, he could only walk forward, closer to her and closer to her with each and every footfall.

He kept his eyes straight ahead, determined not to fall into old traps of staring at her as he walked past, but even the best plans fall apart and now he was face to face to with ex-girlfriend he never wanted to become an ex with and he didn't know what to do.

"Hi." His throat felt dry and it was hard to swallow.

"Hi." She shuffled before him, crossing her arms over her chest quickly before dropping them back to her sides.

"I didn't, I mean, I wasn't aware you were a student here." He flexed the grip he had on the strap across his chest causing his messenger bag to bump against his side.

"Well, I am." He almost couldn't hear her over the hum around them.

"I should -"

"Do you think -"

Their words tumbled together and both stopped speaking.

"You first." Mary half smiled at him and he felt his heart jump unexpectedly.

"I should be getting to my next lecture." He watched her face fall and felt his own spirits match hers.

"Right. Of course." She shook her head, smiling widely at him. "I'm sorry to have kept you." Mary moved to brush past him but he couldn't let her leave like that.

"What were you going to say?" And she paused before turning back towards him.

"Just that I think it would be nice to get some coffee. And if you wanted to accompany me." She added a little unnecessarily. "But you have a lecture, so I'm going to -"

"Yes." It wasn't really a decision. Of course he was going to say yes. He wasn't going to let this chance to be near her past, not now that he had a taste of it again.

"But your lecture?" She quirked her brow at him.

"I'll get the notes from someone else." He shrugged, smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "I could use some coffee."

"Okay." She nodded slowly as if it were taking her a moment to work out what had just happened. "I know of this little shop that serves the best tea and coffee." Matthew fell into step with her as they made their way through the maze of buildings. He resisted the urge to take her free hand that was swaying at her side, or to even place his hand on the small of her back. "I didn't think I would ever see Matthew Crawley ditch class." He looked over at her as he realized he missed the thread of the conversation.

"A lot can happen in two years." The words hit their mark.

"I know." She didn't falter, the only sign that she registered his meaning was the slight frown gracing her features.

"People change." He continued and she just nodded. The desire to touch her was growing by the minute. "But not all things change." He added after a lengthy pause causing Mary to look up at him sharply.

"Not all things." She repeated.

"Not the important things." He confirmed. Mary didn't say anything at that, but the smile she threw his way said it all.

This thing between them, whatever it was now, it wasn't over. It was never over.

* * *

 **AN: More to come! Have any of you noticed that I post faster when I hear from you? Hmmm, interesting coincidence...**


	2. Chapter 1

**AN: Now we go back to how it all began. I will make note of time jumps whenever they occur.**

* * *

 **Three and a half years earlier...**

It was the scent of her perfume that first alerted him to her arrival. It wasn't that she was wearing an overwhelming amount of it. But after sitting next to her in class all of last year (alphabetical seating arrangements all but guaranteed that), it was so familiar to him that it was second nature. As Mary slid into the seat in front of him, he was tempted to do something he never felt the need to do before but she beat him to it.

"Oh, hello Matthew." She smiled back at him as she caught his eye, brushing her hair back over her shoulders and reaching into her bag next to her. "How was your holiday?" It took Matthew a second to realize she had asked him a question.

"Um, uh, it was alright I guess. How, how was yours?" He cursed himself mentally for stammering.

"It was fine." She didn't offer up any details and he didn't ask. She turned forward in her seat and waited for the meeting to begin.

* * *

Matthew fell into step with Mary as the meeting began to break up. It had been a brief meeting, thankfully, and he was looking forward to some down time. It was the last night before term began he wanted to finish his book before he became too busy again.

Mary didn't say anything as they navigated through the rest of the students at the meeting who were milling around, catching up. His hand began to hover behind her back, as if to settle there and help her push through but he resisted. There was no way that could be construed as just a friendly gesture, he was sure of that. But he did hold open the heavy door for her causing her to smile in thanks as she stepped across the threshold.

Compared with the dim lighting of the old chapel, where the meeting had been held, the bright sunlight that filtered through the clouds was jarring. Mary was still walking next to him, seemingly waiting for him to catch up as she slowed her steps. The idea that she may want to walk with him was surprising to him but it was a good surprise. A very good surprise.

They weren't talking but, then again, Matthew wasn't much for idle conversation anyway so he didn't mind. Mentally sorting through his thoughts, he tried to work out how to ask Mary if she would want to meet up to do some classwork when someone shouting broke through his thoughts.

"Mary!" Looking around, he saw Tricia Lane, another girl in their class fast approaching. Matthew saw Mary freeze at the greeting, her grip on the straps of her bag tightening ever so slightly. He wasn't sure if he should leave or not. After all, it wasn't his name the Tricia called out. But by the time he had made the decision to go, Tricia was in front of them and it would be rude to leave.

"Hi Mary." Tricia asked smiling widely. Matthew was sure he could count almost all of her teeth.

"Hello." Mary remained neutral, polite but detached. He sensed she didn't want to talk to her but propriety forced her hand.

"How was your holiday?" Tricia was bouncing on the balls of her feet, out of excitement or pain from her ridiculous shoes, Matthew wasn't sure.

"It was fine." The same answer Matthew had received only an hour prior. Apparently, she didn't want to talk about it.

"That's great! Well, some of the other girls and I are meeting up, I wondered if you would like to join us. I know we would all love it." She emphasized the word love to get her point across.

Matthew couldn't help the brief look of incredulity that flitted across his face. He had known that most of girls at this school seemed to all clamor for Mary's attention but Matthew had never seen it happen in person before.

"It was very kind of you to invite me, but unfortunately, I have to decline. Matthew and I have some things we need to look over before tomorrow." Matthew was pulled from the amusing turn his thoughts had taken at the sound of his name.

"Oh, that's too bad." Tricia seemed genuinely upset. "Maybe next time?" She cheered slightly as she considered it.

"Maybe." Mary smiled before clasping her hands together. "We should be off then." She began to walk off quickly and Matthew hurried to follow.

"Sorry to force my company on you." Mary shook her head in apology as soon as Tricia was out of earshot. "Do you mind if I hide out in your room for a few hours?" She was still walking a bit too fast and Matthew doubled his step to match hers.

"Of course not."

* * *

"Why am I not surprised?" Mary laughed lightly as Matthew let her into his room.

"About what?" He shut the door behind them and dropped his bag onto his bed.

"Your room is as neat as a pin." She rubbed her fingers over the polished surfaces looking for dust. She didn't find any. "In any other guy's room, there would be a film of dust and God knows what on everything."

"You caught it on a good day." Matthew shrugged dropping into his desk chair, waving for Mary to sit at the more comfortable lounge chair. "So, uh, not that I mind you here, but do you mind me asking why you didn't just go to the party?" He twisted his chair back and forth nervously.

"It isn't a party. It's a bragging session. Who did what and where. I'm not interested." Mary crossed one leg over the other as she rested her head on her closed fist. "What did you do for your holiday?"

"Nothing interesting. I went home. I can't, uh, really afford to…" He trailed off, scratching the back of his neck sheepishly.

"Right, sorry. Scholarship. That was rude of me." Mary shook her head.

"What did you do?" Matthew was curious now.

"Same. I went home." Mary broke eye contact, looking down at her nails. "My cousin died." She supplied after a moment causing Matthew's eyes to widen in sympathy.

"Mary, I didn't know. I'm so sorry for your loss." He felt horrible for asking.

"How could you have known? I didn't tell you until right now." Mary looked over his face, noting the sympathy etched there and it grated on her nerves. "And while I appreciate the sympathy, it's not necessary. Patrick was a particularly selfish person. We never got along." She said it with such antipathy that he sensed something must have made her feel that way,

"It must have been hard. To deal with such a thing. It's okay to be sad about it."

"But see, that's the thing, I'm not as sad as I should be. And that's what makes me sad." She stood then, crossing his small room to stare at the awards that lined the dresser, putting her back to him. "Please, can we talk about anything else?" She didn't turn to face him.

Matthew scrambled for something to say. "Sure. How do you think the term's going to go?"

* * *

"I should head back to my room." Mary reached for her bag as she spied the sun beginning to set through the window. "I don't want a prefect to report me breaking curfew." She smirked at him.

"I won't tell if you won't." Matthew smirked back.

"It's a deal." Mary moved towards the door and Matthew moved to open it for her. "And thank you. For today." He paused with his hand on the knob as he looked at her.

"Anytime Mary." He smiled and he could see a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. What she did next took him completely by surprise.

Leaning over, she pressed her lips to his cheek, her hand squeezing his bicep lightly. The gesture lasted a few moments longer than necessary before Mary pulled away again. Matthew could feel the heat begin to crawl up his neck and he hoped she didn't notice.

"Goodnight Matthew. I'll see you tomorrow." He opened the door instinctually, watching her walk away as she turned the corner towards the Girl's Hall.

Bewildered, he made his way to his desk where a folded piece of paper rested, a piece of paper that wasn't there before. Opening it, it made his already heated skin feel hotter.

 _Thanks for listening. In case you ever need to chat._

 _-Mary._

She had left him her mobile phone number. He immediately plugged it into his mobile, afraid he would lose the paper and whatever link they had formed that afternoon. And then he remembered what tomorrow was and he felt foolish. The term began and he was sure to share at least some classes with her.

He had never been more excited for school to start.

* * *

 _ **Three Months Later...**_

"There is a serious dearth of available ladies at this school." Sean hopped up into the wooden table, shaking it and making Matthew mess up his meticulous notes. Matthew sighed as he reached for the whiteout.

"Dearth?" Lewis flipped a chair around, straddling it and resting his arms along the back.

"Yes." Sean nodded, peeling an orange with his fingers. The citrus smell filled the air, covering the stale scent of dust that always seemed to pervade throughout the school.

"I don't agree." Lewis argued back but by that point, Matthew was only barely paying attention.

"Yeah, but you'd date anything that said yes." Sean threw the peel at Lewis and he picked it from his hair disdainfully.

"Like you are flush with date prospects." Sean didn't have a response for that.

"Will you two cut it out?" Matthew finally interrupted. "There is more to life than girls."

"Says the man who is the self-imposed celibate. You know that you could have your pick of girls if you would just pull your head from the books every once and a while dude."

"Whatever you say." Matthew blew on the whiteout to make sure it dried completely before attempting to write over it.

"Be still my heart." Sean pretended to swoon. "Now if I could just get her to talk to me…" He trailed off as he watched the girl in question cross the room.

"Who?" Lewis looked around the slowly fulling up dining hall.

"Lady Mary Crawley." Sean popped an orange slice in his mouth. Mary passed by and Matthew glanced up quickly before looking away again. Best not be caught up in the urge to stare.

"Keep dreaming man." Lewis scoffed.

"I will." He waggled his eyebrows. Matthew tightened his grip on his pen. He wished he could say something but he but his tongue. "Matthew, could you introduce me?" Sean leaned forward so his forearms rested on his knees.

"Why do you assume I know her?" He didn't look up, instead flipping a page in his book. He feared that if he did anything else he would say something that could hurt him later on.

"Because you are both prefects."

"So?"

"Will you or won't you man? All I want is for you to tell her who I am. I will take it from there." He pulled on the lapels of his uniform confidently.

"We don't talk about those things when we do talk Sean." No, they definitely did not. They had a much better use for their lips.

"It's no use. I hear she's got a boyfriend." Lewis interrupted allowing Matthew to release an internal sigh of release before he understood what Lewis said.

"What?" He blurted out before biting his lip.

"Yeah. I heard some girls gossiping. Apparently no one knows his name or anything about him. Just that she seems to really like him or something."

"I wonder who it is." Sean mused aloud.

"Doesn't matter." Lewis interrupted. "Either way, she wasn't going to go out with you even if she were available." The clock struck 8:00 and the room began to move as if one to go to their first classes. Matthew stared into space as he turned over this new information in his head.

"Whatever. You don't know that." Sean hopped down off the table. Lewis pushed his chair in as grabbed his bag from the floor. "Coming Matthew?" Lewis slapped his shoulder as they passed.

"Yeah." He shoved his notebooks into his bag and followed the crowd out the dining hall doors. 

* * *

"So I heard this rumor today." Matthew said between kisses, running his hands up Mary's stocking clad legs from where they rested in his lap.

"Hmm?" Mary didn't appear all that interested. She pulled at his neatly tied tie, attempting to loosen it without looking. All she ended up doing was making the knot tighter forcing her to pull away as she worked it free.

"People are saying you have a boyfriend." Matthew told he tipped his head back so she could loosen the knot.

"I do have a boyfriend." Mary said carefully, as if she were talking to a particularly slow person.

"I'm aware of that." The tie slipped from his neck as she worked it free and he immediately undid the top buttons. "I wasn't aware that others knew."

"They don't." Mary trailed her hands down his chest.

"Did you hear what I just told you? There's a rumor." Matthew was getting frustrated.

"So? There's always a rumor." Mary didn't much care for gossip. It was a well known fact. So of course, all the gossip was about her as a result.

"You were the one who insisted we keep this quiet." He reminded her. It was hard to be with someone and not be with them but she had persuaded him and he found he couldn't resist her.

"Matthew." She framed his face with her hands to force him to look at her. "Look at it this way. Now guys will be dissuaded from asking me out. I know it bothers you to see them try."

"It doesn't bother me per say."" He grumbled causing Mary to smirk at him.

"It does. I know it does. But now this will stop all that. So for once, and I can't believe I am saying this, I appreciate the rumor mill at this school."

"What if it makes them more persistent?" Matthew tried feebly.

"Do you really think that will happen?" She raised a brow at him and he sighed in resignation.

"No." He trailed his hands up her legs until they reached her waist. "I just don't like hearing about that sort of thing." It always put him in a bad mood to hear some rumor about Mary in relation to another guy. He couldn't help it. It was his baser instinct.

"I know." Mary understood where he was coming from. She did. It wasn't like there weren't girls talking about him sometimes. He was, after all, fairly well known at the school. "But we know the truth." She ran one hand up into his hair as the other slid down to settled over his chest. She could feel the steady rise and fall of it with each breath and used that to ground herself. "Now, if you don't mind, I think there is something we should get back to." She pressed her lips to his newly exposed throat and felt him gulp slightly.

"Excellent idea." He finally managed to get out as she pulled her in closer again.

He decide she was right. Who cared about gossip anyway? It was already three months into term and this was hardly the first rumor to get rumors weren't real and this was. His grip on her waist tightened ever so slightly as he pulled her flush against him.

* * *

 **AN: So this is how it all began! I look forward to hearing your thoughts!**


	3. Chapter 2

**AN: Picks up where last chapter finished. More at the bottom!**

* * *

"Mary? Mary?" Katherine poked her in the shoulder with her pen. "Mary?"

"Oh, sorry." Mary shook her head to clear it. The rumor Matthew had told her about last night was still swirling in her head. It was bad. Very, very bad. It could ruin everything.

"Did you get the notes?" Katherine continued, unaware that Mary still wasn't truly paying attention to her.

"What?" She tapped her pen against her notebook in annoyance.

"The notes. You said you'd ask the brainiac for it." Mary surprised the urge to grimace at the not-so-lovingly bestowed nickname.

"Right. Matthew didn't give them to me." Mary turned back to her own notes. To be honest, they probably rivaled Matthew's for how meticulous they were. Not that Katherine or anyone else would know that.

"Ugh, well isn't he a saint. Doesn't he realize that there is a system at this school." Katherine crossed her arms over her chest petulantly. "He helps us and we let him be prefect."

"We don't let him be anything Katherine. He got prefect all on his own." Katherine just huffed. "Look, I'll ask again. We have class together after this."

"Perfect!" Katherine was immediately cheered up and Mary could sigh an internal sigh of relief.

* * *

"I need your notes." Mary informed Matthew as she took her seat next to him in the front of the room. Looking around, she was relieved that they were the only two there.

"Alright? For which class?" He flipped through his binder.

"All of them." He paused.

"Why?" Matthew put down the pages he was holding. "Your notes are fine."

"They aren't for me. They are for Katherine, Remy, and Alexa."

"Why do they need them?" Mary ground her teeth in frustration. Why wouldn't he just hand them over?

"Because their parents threatened to cut up their credit cards if they fail another semester. So they need to pass the exams in two weeks."

"Why don't you give them yours? I mean, your notes are just as good."

"They're better but that's besides the point." Matthew chuckled at Mary's lack of modesty. But even he had to admit that if she really tried, she would give him a run for his money. "They think the reason I ditched them last night was to get your notes for them. So I would really not like to have to explain that I did no such thing because I was too busy with snogging you." His mind immediately went back to last night and he couldn't suppress his smirk.

"Here." He pulled out page after page, handing them to her . "But do me a favor yeah? Don't give them the originals?"

"Of course not. I'll copy them and give them back to you tonight." She leaned in to kiss him in response because catching herself. That would have to wait for later.

"Tonight? I wasn't aware we had plans tonight." His voice dropped as other students began to filter into the room.

"Is that a no?" She raised a brow at him and he immediately shook his head.

"No! I mean yes! I mean, I don't know. Of course I want to hang out with you tonight." He felt flustered. Mary was always able to fluster him. He just wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. After all, they had been dating for three months, shouldn't he be used to it by now?

"Class, settle down!" The teacher stepped forward and the hum that had filled the room quickly hushed. Matthew pulled a clean sheet of paper out and prepared to take notes when he felt something on his thigh.

Glancing down, he saw Mary's hand resting there, hidden from view for anyone else by the table. She didn't look over at him, just resting it there, palm tilted up as she took notes with the other. With his own free hand, he clasped it and squeezed it gently.

He loved these little gestures of hers, these moments when it became clear she truly just wanted to be near him, touching him.

He just wished he could tell her that.

* * *

"Essays due next class. Don't forget." Their teacher reminded them before allowing them to leave. Matthew made a note of it even though he had already finished his. From his peripheral vision, he saw Mary gather her things and stand. He hated that part of their arrangement meant he couldn't walk with her to their next class without an excuse. Sometimes he just wanted to talk to her, but even that wasn't possible without some reason. Mary began to move towards the door and Matthew acted before he could stop himself.

"Mary. Hold up." He grabbed his things, hurrying to meet her as she stood by the door staring curiously.

"Yes?" She said placidly as other students filtered past.

"I wanted to talk to you about the essay." He replied lamely. He could tell by the look on her face that she knew he was lying. "After you." He held the door for her as they left the room.

Mary eyed the occupants of the hall before speaking again. "What did you really want?" She shifted her books between her hands and Matthew trampled down his desire to reach out and take them from her.

"What do you mean? I could want help with the essay?"

"You already finished it. I saw it on your desk last night. Are you going to tell me what was so important that you had to call attention to us?" She was irritable, but secretly pleased that she got to spend some time with him, even if they had to be circumspect.

"I was thinking-"

"Generally that is what is supposed to happen at school, yes." Mary interrupted him as she side stepped some school papers scattered on the ground.

"Listen would you?" He couldn't help but smile. "I was thinking that we should go out."

Mary raised a brow at this. "I thought we already were." She side stepped a stopped student but this time brushing against Matthew in the process.

"I meant on a date." He said the last part in a whisper.

"Why are you whispering?" She mocked him.

"Because I didn't want anyone to hear?" He looked confused.

"There is no one around Matthew." Mary waved to where they were walking. Looking around, he had to admit she was right. The hall had cleared out of any students, leaving them seemingly alone.

"Will you go out on a date with me, Mary Crawley?" He plucked up the courage, standing taller as if that would change her answer.

"I'll have to ask my boyfriend." She began to walk off but he was quick to catch up.

"He says yes." He supplied.

"What did you have in mind?"

"That's for me to know and you to find out." He felt smug. Mary just shook her head.

"Come on we are going to be late." She took off towards the room where their next class was held. Matthew checked his watch and realized she was right before hurrying off as well.

* * *

"Mary, did you happen to get the next set of notes from braniac?" Remy walked into Mary's room without waiting for Mary's bid to enter. "Woah." She looked up to see Mary. "What has you so dressed up?"

"I have to go off campus tonight." Mary said simply has she finished applying her makeup. "Is there something you needed?"

"The notes from last week." Remy explained, plopping down onto Mary's bed. "You said you'd get the braniac to hand them over."

Mary rolled her eyes before flipping through her notes and handing over the pages. "You know, if you still want his help, you may not want to call him names."

"Whatever. I don't say it to his face." Remy looked the pages over quickly before noting that this writing was much neater than any notes she had gotten from the kid before. Actually, it looked like Mary's handwriting. "Is this your writing?"

"What?" Mary turned back to her and scanned the page. "Right. I copied them from him. Needed them too."

"Okay." Remy accepted that at face value. "Enjoy whatever thing you have tonight. I'll pass these on to the others."

"I need them back eventually." Mary called to Remy's back as she approached the door.

"Gotcha. Have fun!" Remy disappeared and Mary sighed. Now she was really going to need Matthew's notes.

* * *

For a person so proud of his ability to talk circles around his classmates, when Mary appeared before him, his words failed him.

"Wow." His eyes took her in.

"Hi." She pressed her lips to his quickly. His mind stalled, words failing him yet again.

"Go. We should go." He gestured to the waiting car , but made no move towards it. Instead, Mary let herself into the car and he was quick to follow.

* * *

"You look really, really, really-"

"Is that the only adverb you know?" Mary looked at Matthew across the table.

"Gorgeous." Matthew finished I deterred.

"Thank you." Mary ducked her head slightly to mask her blush. "You clean up nicely as well." They stared at each other for a moment, forgetting the other people around them. The sounds of the restaurant faded away and it took the waiter some tries at clearing his throat to catch their attention.

"Right." Matthew coughed, quickly looking down at his menu. "We should order. Mary?"

* * *

"Thank you for this." Mary leaned into his arm slightly as they slowly walked down the road. "It was nice to be away from school for a little while." Their hands brushed a few times before Matthew took her palm in his, lacing their fingers together.

"It was nice." Matthew agreed easily, raising their clasped hands to press a kiss to hers. "I'm just sorry I didn't think to do this sooner." Silence fell between them as they continued on the short walk to the waiting car. This time around, Matthew was able to remember to open the door for her and the smile she granted him in return made his heart stutter in his chest.

"Its a shame we have to go back to school." Mary said as he slid into the seat beside her.

"It is. But the Christmas holiday is almost here. Just a few more weeks." He took her hand, relishing in the ability to do so without worrying if anyone could see.

* * *

 _ **Some days later…**_

"Hi Matthew." A voice greeted him. He had been expecting Mary but this definitely wasn't her.

"Oh, hi Cindy." He smiled politely while pulling one of his ear buds from his ears.

Cindy smiled prettily. "How are you?"

"Fine. Studying. You know how it is." He joked and He was met with Cindy's tinkling laugh.

"I do." She bobbed her head, blushing. "So I was wondering if many you would like to hang out sometime? Maybe next weekend at the dance?"

* * *

Mary felt like screaming in frustration. Why did all her teachers have to be so damn irritating? It's almost as if they spoke behind closed doors about how to torture their students. Didn't they understand she had other classes as well? If Mary had any hope of having free time this weekend she needed to get started on this mountain of work now. And, she begrudgingly admitted to herself, she needed Matthew's help.

"Matthew -". The scene before her caused her to stop short. "Oh."

Cindy looked over at her and the smile on her face dimmed ever so slightly. "Hello Mary."

"Cindy, hi." Mary dropped her bag onto the table next to Matthew. "Matthew I am going to grab the book we need to finish the assignment from Dr. Rice." The look she shot him made it clear what she wanted. Cindy. Gone now.

"Uh right. Mary and I have a project we need to finish for a class." Matthew shifted in his seat as his eyes followed Mary as she disappeared into the stacks.

Cindy waited for a moment before turning her attention back to Matthew. "Next weekend?"

"Can I get back to you?" He hoped that it didn't sound too rude, but he didn't know what else to say.

"Sure." Cindy responded sweetly but her smile fell ever so slightly. "I should go." She rushed off and Matthew felt horrible. He didn't mean to upset her.

Surreptitiously, Matthew checked that no one else was around before getting up and following Mary into the stacks.

* * *

Mary paced in the narrow space between two stacks before giving up and leaning against one. Grabbing a book at random, she flipped through the pages to maintain her guise lest Cindy see her.

 _The course of true love never did run smooth…_

The words jumped up from the page and Mary snapped the book shut.

"Mary?" Matthew's whisper broke through the silence. "Mary." He reached her, but she shied away from his touch using the excuse of replacing the book.

"A Midsummer's Night Dream?" Matthew asked, reading the spine as she pushed it into place.

"Matthew." She sighed.

"Come on. Cindy left. Let's head back to my room." He reached for her hand but she resisted again.

"Did you say yes?"

"What?" He didn't understand the question.

Mary looked down to her shoes, digging the heel into the carpet. "To Cindy. She was asking you out right? To the winter holiday dance?"

"No, well, yes she was, but I said no." Matthew finally managed to ease his hand into hers.

"She has a lot of nerve." Mary muttered, easing closer to him. She placed her palm against his as she laced her fingers through his.

"She didn't know Mary." Matthew objected. "No one does."

"I know." She breathed. "I know." Matthew held her close, her head settling into the crook of his neck.

He shook his head before settling his cheek against her hair. "You can't have it both ways."

"I know." She repeated. The frustration he had been feeling diminished as she continued to rest against him.

"Want to head back to my room?" He wrapped his hand low on her waist, fingers seeking the end of her blazer to reach bare skin.

"Sure." But she didn't move. Instead, she allowed Matthew to pull her closer as he swayed them gently back and forth. It was as close as they would get to dancing together next weekend.

* * *

 **AN: So more of cute MM together at school. Next chapter starts with the heavy stuff, so don't say I didn't warn you!**

 **I am slowly working through replies to all your lovely messages, so I'm sorry if I haven't gotten to you yet. I promise I am working on it. As always, I'd love to know what you think!**


	4. Chapter 3

**AN: As many of you may remember from tumblr, when I can't wait to post something I tend to follow that instinct which means posting earlier than anticipated.**

 ** _TRIGGER WARNING _\- There is discussion of sensitive topics, not unlike what happened in canon. I don't want to spoil it for anyone, but if you don't like reading sensitive topics, stop reading now.**

* * *

"And then I told Cecelia of course. And then that was that." Edith sounded proud of herself and Mary didn't suppress the urge to roll her eyes. After all, it wasn't as if her sister could see her through the phone. Matthew caught her expression and bit back a laugh. He found it endearing in an odd way.

"Was there a reason you called?" Mary broke through Edith's rambling gossip. Her patience had begun to wear thin. She would much rather actually be hanging out with Matthew instead of just being in the same room as him.

"I was getting to it." Edith sounded put out. "I am heading home on the last train. I just wanted to see when you were planning to be there."

"I'm driving." Matthew ran his fingers up the arch of her foot causing her to squirm. She could sense he was growing impatient with this phone call too.

"So you mean the driver is getting you." Edith supplied. "Why do you get the driver?" It was an accusation and a whine all wrapped up in one.

"Because I requested it. If that is all, I actually do have some things that must get done-"

"One last thing. Mama rang me up to tell me Patrick's parents were joining us for the holidays. She wanted me to tell you." Edith wasn't aware of the effect those words were having but Matthew watched the color drain from Mary's face. Her normally fair skin turned as white as a sheet.

Mary stared past Matthew, focusing on nothing. Memories flooded her mind, memories she had long since thought dead and buried. "I have to go Edith." She managed to say interrupting Edith mid rant.

"Okay. See you -" Mary didn't wait for her to finish before hitting the end button and dropping her phone onto the bed. She continued to stare at the wall and Matthew began to worry. He had never seen her so silent or so still. Even when she was irritated she couldn't help but make disapproving noises under her breath. It worried him.

"Mary?" He reached out to take her hand but she pulled away. He didn't try again. "You're worrying me."

"What?" That finally seemed to catch her attention. "Why? I am perfectly fine." She shook her head and smiling tightly. "I think you should go." She stood, crossing the room to open the door.

"No." He moved to stand in front of her. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." She blinked rapidly.

"I don't believe you." It pained him to see her so upset. He knew she wasn't doing herself any good by bottling it up.

"You don't have to believe me, it's the truth." She was adamant.

"I can tell something is wrong." He insisted. "If you told me maybe I could help-"

"You can't help. No one can." She finally cracked.

"How do you know that's true?"

"Because it is Matthew. You couldn't understand." Her voice turned to pleading. "Please just forget about it."

"No Mary. I can't forget about something that upsets you so much."

"I want to forget. I need to forget otherwise I feel like I am drowning." Tears gathered in the corners of her eyes and began to spill down her cheeks. "Please. You would despise me if you knew and I wouldn't be able to bare that."

"I never could despise you." He assured her but she didn't look convinced.

"My own mother -" she didn't finish.

"I'm not her. And no matter what you tell me, I am not going anywhere." Matthew guided her back to the bed, making her sit before sitting beside her. "I'm here. And I'm not going anywhere." He laced her fingers through his. It seemed like an eternity before she began to speak.

"I was fourteen. I mean, it happened when I was fourteen." Mary stumbled through her words. Matthew felt his heart drop into his stomach and he tightened his grip on her hand. Nothing ever good came from those words, put in that order, with that tone. Nothing good at all.

"What happened when you were fourteen?" Matthew prodded gently when Mary trailed off. She was frightening him, her face somehow looked haunted but by what he didn't know.

"I don't think I should tell you." She looked off into space to avoid his gaze. She knew that of she met his eye, it would break her resolve. It had taken her years to bury what happened, to not be reminded of it each day.

"Why not?" He shifted on the mattress, the old springs squeaking and causing her to look towards him. Silence stretched between them and not in the usual, companionable way.

"You wouldn't look at me the same. And I don't think I would be able to bear that." Her voice was soft but her eyes were dry. She refused to cry. She had shed enough tears about this and refused to do so anymore.

"I never could, never would look at you any differently than I am now." He placed his hand over hers, disappointed when she didn't react. Her hand was limp within his. "Mary, what happened?"

Mary looked at him then, at their joined hands before slipping hers free. Any touch now was an uncomfortable reminder of what it was liked to be touched when you didn't desire it. Instead of feeling Matthew's warm, soft skin, she felt his rough cool skin and she didn't want to associate Matthew with that man. He didn't deserve that.

She brought her legs up between them, wrapping her arms around them and pulling them as close to her chest as possible. It felt safer that way somehow. Her lips were dry, so she brushed them with her lips as she tried to figure out where to start. The beginning, she concluded, it was easier that way. "My family isn't like yours Matthew." His brow furrowed at the non-sequitur. "I am fairly sure my father never got over the disappointment."

"What disappointment?" Matthew had to ask when she didn't readily supply the answer. Mary's mind with each fleeting look from her childhood that her father thought she didn't notice. The pain it caused hit her anew, worse now because now she knew what it meant. How was her five year old self supposed to understand? It had hurt then but it was worse now.

"That I was a daughter and not the son he expected. The doctors had made a mistake when looking at the sonograms, so they told my parents I was a boy. To say they were surprised when I was born was an understatement." She scoffed. She imagined that Matthew found it ridiculous but it was nothing of the sort. But then again, he didn't know what it was like.

"Patrick was a year older than me and the moment I was born a girl, and with the birth of each of my sisters, he became the surrogate son. He practically lived with us that's how often he visited. I was nine and he was ten when we found out about the inheritance issue. I think Patrick expected Downton to be his. After all it had been that way in my family for years. After that he became cruel. Not to Edith or Sybil mind you, just me."

"What inheritance issue?"

"As a gift to my great-grandmother, my grandfather broke the entail on the estate that had caused so much trouble for my family. So instead of going to the male heir like the title, the estate passes to the first born, regardless of gender. There's a whole story there but that's unimportant." She shook her head.

"So you are the heir." Matthew leaned back against the pillows at the top of her bed. She could tell that he didn't quite get the significance.

"To the estate. Not the title. That honor went to Patrick." Her voice grew cold at his name, her hatred for him rolling beneath the surface.

"Hence the animosity." Matthew nodded in understanding.

"Right, so during the summer I was fourteen, you can say I was surprised when Patrick suddenly became incredibly nice to me. Almost like it was before we found out. And then his friend joined him." She shut her eyes against the onslaught of memories. "The son of the Turkish Ambassador. Kemal Pamuk." Mary began to pick at the embroidery of her quilt. "He was incredibly charming. And flirtatious. He was always paying me compliments, seeking me out. My vanity was flattered. Patrick seemed to encourage it. Edith was upset that he ignored her which only made me more willing to reciprocate."

"Mary." He couldn't help but laugh slightly and she couldn't stop her lips quirking up slightly at that.

"Clearly we haven't changed in our relationship all that much." She pursed her lips to keep from laughing. "Edith couldn't stand that I had all the attention so of course I relished in it."

"Of course." Matthew joked, but it fell flat.

"On the eve of Pamuk's last day with us, there was a small celebration. My father broke out champagne and I thoroughly enjoyed getting to drink it. When my parents retired for the night and Edith had dozed off, the three of us, Patrick, Pamuk and I, snuck out. I wanted to look up at the stars and they indulged me."

"It must be a beautiful view." Matthew inches his hand closer to hers on the quilt.

"It is. Far away from the lights of town, you can see stars that are otherwise invisible. Pamuk was charged with carrying the champagne bottles out for us and I didn't think about the fact that he brought two even though one would have been more than enough. In hindsight, I think he must have slipped something into the bottle he gave me because the rest of the night is a haze. I remember laying down in the grass, not caring if my dress was ruined in the process. I was too relaxed to care." She bit her lip as she paused. "I don't remember seeing Patrick leave. The next thing I can recall is the feeling of someone settling on top of me and my dress being pushed aside. After that, nothing." She had tried, oh she had tried to remember. If only for her own peace of mind. Not knowing exactly what happened was torturous. Her mind made up all sorts of scenarios, what ifs as to what could have happened. But then again, maybe knowing would be worse.

"I woke up when the over night gardening system when off. The water was warm, oddly so, but it took me until I was soaked through to realize it was in fact just part of the sprinklers that was drenching me. My dress was ripped but I couldn't understand why. And then I saw the bottles, and," she swallowed thickly, "the condom." She could still feel the way the water pelted at her skin and it made her shiver.

"Mary -" he reached out for her but she pulled back.

"No. I need to finish. I need. Just let me finish." She struggled to get out.

"Okay." Matthew said softly, agreeing.

"I somehow made it back to my bedroom and all I wanted to do was sleep. But when I went to lay down there was something on my pillow. An envelope." The contents of the envelope were forever seared into her mind. She considered telling him what it contained but judging by the horrified look on his face, he understood perfectly.

"I think he meant it to be blackmail. You know, in the future. After all, he was destined to be an Earl without an estate. And I couldn't report him to the authorities because that would play into his hands."

"That's illegal." Matthew all but shouted.

"That wouldn't be the first time Patrick did something illegal. Nor the last. The next morning, Patrick, being the noble older cousin, told Papa about my reckless behavior the night before, the sneaking out, the drinking and I was punished the rest of my holiday. Patrick left with Pamuk later that day but not before making it clear to me none of the previous day was in fact a nightmare but reality." She didn't even fight it, her punishment. She actually relished the time alone.

"Your cousin brought Pamuk home, just to do this to you?" His anger was palpable.

"I don't know." Mary admitted. "I don't think he told Pamuk in so many words. But he sure didn't stop him."

"Mary." Matthew was at a loss for words.

"So now you know." Mary finished, easing up from the bed.

"What happened to Pamuk?" Matthew wanted to throttle the man with his bare hands.

"There was an accident. He was driving. It killed both him and Patrick instantly." Mary crossed her arms over her chest as she paced her room slowly.

Matthew followed her with his eyes, unsure what to do. "Thank you for telling me." He finally spoke, but Mary only nodded.

"You wanted to know." She shrugged it off, moving to her dresser and sorting through her perfume bottles. "Now you do."

"Is there anything I can do?" Matthew twisted his hands in his lap as he watched her. He didn't know what was appropriate. He wanted to take her in his arms but he wasn't sure that would be welcomed at the moment.

"Nothing, Matthew." She sighed. "Maybe you should go." She sat at her desk, pretending to flip through a text book. She didn't want to see the pity that no doubt was filling his gaze.

"I'm not going anywhere." He rested his hands over hers causing them to stop. Whatever reserve she had left broke at that. Looking at his eyes, she didn't see pity, but she couldn't quantify what she did see. Support? Love?

She allowed him to guide her to the bed, allowed him to wrap his arms around her as she tried to bury herself in his chest. His scent was a welcome distraction from the scent of Pamuk's cologne which seemed to torment her. She could still smell it. Matthew skimmed his lips against her hair, breathing in the scent of her perfume which he always seemed to associate with her.

They didn't say anything which was fine because words weren't necessary. All Mary needed was for Matthew to stay near. And Matthew had no intention of letting her go.

* * *

 **AN: So, that should answer most of the questions I have been dodging in your messages/reviews. I hope you let me know what you think.**


	5. Chapter 4

**AN: We are almost to the point where we catch up to the prologue. And yet again, I've updated quickly because I'm excited to get there myself! Enjoy!**

* * *

 _ **Last Day before Christmas Holiday...**_

"That was the last one." Matthew unclipped a sheet of paper from his clipboard, placing it face down in the pile. "Everyone has checked out." He dropped into a chair next to Mary where she sat sorting through paperwork. Upside to their being prefects, they got private rooms. Downside, they had to make sure all their housemates were checked out and gone before they could even consider leaving for their own holiday plans.

"That means we can finally leave." She sounded happy and Matthew couldn't help but feel the same. "Let me just finish this and we can head out." She ran her hand over his thigh before moving to pick up her pen and scribbling out a few things. Matthew watched her for a few moments, noticing the rise and fall of her chest with each breath, lips pursed as she considered something on one of the forms. He really just wanted to reach out and kiss her. Twisting his head, he checked the hallways for any stragglers or other prefects before doing just that.

She gasped against his lips, surprised but not unwilling. "Matthew," she managed to get out as he moved his lips to her jaw, "what are you doing? Anyone can see." Even with the truth of that statement, she didn't resist when Matthew pulled her closer.

"I just had to do that." Matthew admitted when he released her.

"Control yourself." Mary smirked as she patted his chest. "We have the drive home for all that." Matthew perked up at the reminder causing Mary to laugh at his expression. "Help me finish this." She handed him a pen and pushed some of the paperwork in front of him. Sighing, he did as he was told.

* * *

"You two are the last to turn in your paperwork." The hall secretary noted as she accepted the pile from them. "All the boarders have checked out?"

"Yes." Mary answered succinctly, fussing with the scarf around her neck.

"Alright, well you two have a nice holiday." She smiled at the pair of them and Matthew returned the sentiment as Mary swept from the room. He was confused at her behavior but smiled anyway, waving to the secretary slightly as he followed her.

"Mary." He started as soon as they were out of ear shot.

"What?" She feigned surprise at his reaction. "I just wanted to get out of there."

"Doesn't mean you have to be rude." His admonishment was only half-hearted. A car pulled up before them, a driver jumping from his seat to grab the bags next to them.

"I know. I'll be nice next time." She turned to him as the driver began to load their bags into the car. "Can we please just get into the car?" She pressed her hands into his chest as she leaned into him searching for a kiss. His hands covered hers and he obliged, sliding his lips over hers briefly before resting his forehead against hers.

"Let's get in the car." Mary nodded against him and with her hand still wrapped in his pulled him into the back seat.

* * *

"The driver isn't here yet!" Alexa stomped her foot causing gravel to scuff her shoes. "You are no help." She all but stabbed the end button before dropping the phone back into her bag. What was so hard about sending a car to get her? She had given them plenty of time; an hour was more than sufficient. So. Why. Weren't. They. Here. Yet?

The sound of tires crunching on the gravel made her perk up. It was here! She stood waiting for it to drive towards her but it stopped at the doors and she felt herself get frustrated again. It was for someone else.

Looking over, she noticed it was Mary waiting and felt a plan hatching. Surely her 'bestie' would give her ride right? Fixing her hair, Alexa began to move towards her when she stopped. The brainiac had joined her and she couldn't help but grimace. What was he doing?

What she saw next almost made her believe she was hallucinating.

Mary was kissing the brainiac! Blindly grabbing at her phone, she quickly took a shot of the duo, completely horrified. She blinked to make sure it wasn't a mirage or something, but when she opened her eyes they were still there, lip locked together. Surely this was some joke. It had to be. Mary could do so much better than him. They lingered only a moment longer before ducking into the backseat. It didn't escape her notice that Mary held his hand as she sat down and he quickly scrambled in beside her before slamming the door shut.

Their car pulled away and she saw her own car finally appear. She sighed, relieved. Ignoring the driver as he opened the door for her, she slipped into the back seat and opened the photos on her phone, still in disbelief. So Mary had been dating someone. The rumors were true. She had so known it. Mary had been acting weird for months. Alexa made sure to email the photos to herself, just in case something happened to her phone before settling in for the car ride. She had what she needed now. Mary Crawley was going to regret ever thinking she wasn't worth her time. A plan was forming in her mind and Alexa couldn't help but feel smug.

She couldn't stop smirking the entire drive home.

* * *

"I wish I didn't have to go home." Matthew murmured between kisses. "Rather be with you." He added as Mary trailed her hands down his chest.

"Trust me, you do not want to spend your holiday with my family." She shook her head, lips still so close together he could feel hers move back and forth over his.

"Worth it for this." He wrapped his arms tighter around her waist, pulling her into his lap.

"As much as I appreciate that sentiment," Mary tipped her forehead to rest on his, "trust me when I say your holiday is going to be so much better the farther you are from the mess that is my family at the moment." A bump on the road jostled them and Mary tightened her grip on Matthew. Mary turned her attention to the scenery outside her window and frowned when she took in the residential neighborhood. "I think we are nearing your home." She nudged him, forcing him to give up his pursuit if her lips to look outside.

"Yeah." He groaned dropping his head to her shoulder. Her fingers soothingly brushed through his hair as they enjoyed the last few moments together. The car rolled to a stop and the driver exited, getting Matthew's luggage for him.

"It's nice." Mary complimented, taking in the nicely kept home.

"Did you think I lived in a slum?" He joked cause Mary to swat him with the back of her hand. "Do you want to come in for a bit? Meet my mum?" He looked at her expectantly.

"Better not." She refused to meet his eye.

"Oh." He couldn't help but feel disappointed. "I know she would love to meet you." Mary slid from his lap and he allowed her to go even if his fingers longed to hold on to her.

"Meet the person she has heard nothing about?" Mary didn't buy his claim, scoffing.

"She knows about you." Matthew blurted out.

"What?"

"I talk to her Mary."

"I know that." She had caught him speaking to her more than once and had to sit quietly as he finished speaking with her.

"Well, she figured it out and I don't like lying." Mary raised a brow at that. "Not to her." He clarified. "She wants to meet you." Mary didn't say anything as he looked at her expectantly. "Surely you need a break before you continue the drive."

"Matthew." She sighed. Mary wasn't prepared for this and she hated being blindsided.

"For me?" He cajoled and Mary caved.

"Fine." Matthew scrambled out of the car, holding out his hand to help her out. He kept her hand in his as they approached the front door. He tightened his grip as he opened the door.

"Mother?" He refused to let go of Mary, almost afraid she would flee if he wasn't holding on to her. He noted from the corner of his eye that she looked uncomfortable as she took in her surroundings.

"Matthew!" A woman, Mary assumed his mother, came rushing towards them. Matthew gave up his hold on Mary to embrace her. "And who is this?" Isobel looked curiously at Mary.

"Mother, this is Mary. Mary, my mother." Matthew felt like puffing out his chest. He had never had a chance to do this before, introduce his girlfriend to his mother.

"It's nice to meet you Mrs. Crawley." Mary said formally.

"Isobel, dear. Likewise." Isobel looked her over briefly before turning her attention back to her son. "You two must be hungry. I just pulled a casserole out."

"Actually Mrs. Crawley, I have to be going. My family is expecting me and it's a long drive." Isobel didn't look surprised.

"I'll walk you out." Matthew offered. "Be right back Mother." He followed Mary back to the car. Isobel watched the pair from the open door.

"I wish you would stay." He took her hands in his as she stood beside the car.

"You know I can't." Mary looked away. "I have to be going."

"Yes, alright. Thank you for giving me a ride home." He nodded. "I'll call you later."

"Alright." Mary refused to meet his eye.

"Goodbye." He leaned forward to kiss her, but caught her cheek instead.

"Bye." She slid into the car and the driver closed the door, leaving Matthew on the sidewalk. He watched as the car took off down the road and disappeared around a turn before turning back towards his front door. He couldn't help but wonder how things went so sour so quickly. To think they had been having a perfect time before the car door opened.

This was not the start he had imagined for his holiday.

* * *

 _ **Some days later...**_

The silence was stifling. Mary felt as if she couldn't breathe, something settling on her chest and pressing in, squeezing the air from her lungs. She had to get out. Needed to get out.

She placed her silverware down with a clatter. "May I be excused?" Not waiting for an answer, she lifted the napkin from her lap, throwing it onto her plate. Out of the dining room, Mary wasn't sure where to go. It wasn't as if she could escape this oppressive feeling. It permeated through the house, each room filled with tension making escape impossible.

Somehow, she wasn't exactly sure how, she ended up in her bedroom. The dark red walls were a stark contrast to the whitewashed ones at school and she never thought she'd admit to missing them but she did.

But mostly she missed Matthew.

Her mobile sat in her vanity, seemingly waiting for her to call him. It was tempting. Oh so very tempting. He always knew what to say. But he was probably having a nice holiday; after all his life wasn't stuck in some limbo as his family imploded.

Her fingers dialed anyway.

"Hello?" He sounded happy, laughing as he spoke.

She sat on her bed, leaning back to stare up at the canopy. "Hi."

"Mary!" He sounded surprised. "I didn't think I'd hear from you today. How are you?" The noise that had been in the background faded and she could hear a door clicking shut. "Sorry about the noise."

Mary pressed the phone closer to her ear as if that would make her closer to him. "I didn't mean to pull you from your family." She knew the polite thing to do would be to insist he go back to them but she couldn't.

"I'd rather talk to you." He said it so matter of fact that it made Mary's heart flutter. "What are you up to?"

"I'm in my room." She shifted on the bed to settled against her pillows.

"Oh?" He sounded intrigued. "I didn't realize this was that type of call." Mary could see him smirking in her mind's eye.

"Get your head out of the gutter." She was both exasperated and amused. His laughter floated down the line and Mary felt herself smiling.

Matthew's laughter trailed off and all she could hear was his breathing. "I miss you, you know?"

Mary paused before replying. "The feeling is entirely mutual." Her fingers picked at the embroidery on her duvet. "Do you want to meet up somewhere?"

"Yes!" Matthew all but shouted before coughing and repeating himself. "I mean, yes of course."

"I was thinking of going into London." Ideas of activities they could do together began to form in her mind.

"Why don't we just meet up at Downton?"

"I need to get away from here." Mary pushed up from her bed. "And anyway, it's out of the way."

"If you are sure." Matthew sounded tentative.

"I am. We can meet up in London and stay at my Aunt's. She's here for the holiday so she won't mind."

"Alright. Sounds like a plan."

* * *

Mary waited patiently as streams of people shuffled passed her. Normally she wouldn't even consider waiting at the station for someone but she was too excited to wait for him back at her Aunt's house. She wanted to see Matthew as soon as he arrived.

"Mary!" Matthew's voice rose above the chatter and Mary's eyes began to scan the crowd until she spotted a blonde head moving towards her. "Hi." He stopped in front of her, not giving her a chance to reply before his lips were on hers.

"Hi yourself." She gripped his coat tightly between her fingers as she lingered close to him after their kiss. "Let's get out of here." She turned to guide him to the waiting car and he slipped his hand into hers, lacing their fingers together.

* * *

"You can put your stuff in here." Mary pushed open a heavy wood door and Matthew paused.

"But your stuff is in here?" He spotted her own bag open by the vanity.

"And?" Mary left him in the doorway as she sat on the edge of the bed. "No one else is here."

"But we haven't…" He trailed off leaving the rest of it unsaid.

"And this won't change anything." Mary stood again and rested her hands against his chest. "If it's that big an issue, there are ten other rooms you can sleep in, but we can deal with it later. I want to head out. We have plans."

"Alright. Lead the way." Matthew dropped his bag and followed Mary from the room.

* * *

When she had though up the idea of sleeping in the same bed as Matthew, she had thought it was brilliant. After all, isn't that what any guy wanted? Isn't it what she wanted? It was, but now that she was faced with the reality of it, anxiety grabbed a hold of her.

Flicking off the bed room light, Mary approached the bed and hoped that her nerves weren't readily apparent. She slid in next to him and moved close enough that she could feel his body heat without actually touching him.

"I am so glad you came." She turned on her side, pillowing her head on her hands as looked over at him.

"Me too." He mimicked her position. "Are you sure you don't want me to go to another room?"

"I'm sure." She reached out and took his hand in hers. "You know, I have never spent the whole night with a guy before." She smiled at him and felt herself relax slightly as she realized she wasn't the only nervous one.

"Me either. I mean, with a girl, obviously." He fumbled through the words.

"I wish I could spend Christmas Day here with you and not at home." She sighed before closing the distance between them and curling into him.

"I wish so too. But we will be back as school in no time and we can be together then." He hesitantly trailed his fingers up and down her spine, dipping lower and lower with each pass. He didn't dare go any lower than her nightgown, but even this much felt like new territory to him.

"Happy Christmas." She yawned as she splayed her arm across his chest.

"Happy Christmas." He hand stopped moving and settled low on her hip.

"Love you." She added in a sleepy voice and Matthew froze. It was the first time such a sentiment was even mentioned and Matthew's heart stuttered before going into overtime.

"I love you too." He whispered into her hair unsure if she had even heard him. But he didn't care because now that he knew how she felt, he planned on making sure just how much he loved her in return.

* * *

 _Her glove was doing nothing to protect her hand from the freezing temperature of the snow slowly melting in her palm, but she barely noticed. Instead her gaze was focused on the boy in front of her as she crept towards him. Sybil was distracting him giving her the perfect opportunity to -_

 _"MARY!" Patrick yelped as the snow slid down his back beneath his thick coat. Sybil stifled a giggle beneath her mittened hand and Mary took off. Her feet crunched in the snow as she ran, hair tangling in the wind as she tried to put as much distance between them as possible._

 _"Patrick, let me help -" Edith shuffled forward, hands fluttering uselessly at his back._

 _"Stop it Edith. MARY! I'm going to get you." Mary paused in her running to see him hot on her trail. Edith looked slightly put out but Mary only briefly considered it. She'd get over it. She always did._

 _"Run, Mary, run!" Sybil cheered, jumping where she stood. Mary smiled at the encouragement. She must have slowly down because the next thing she knew she was hitting the snow with a thud._

 _"Told you I'd get you." Mary rolled onto her back to see Patrick hovering over her. Her ears burned in the cold and then suddenly they didn't. It was warm. And Patrick was raising a bottle to his lips._

 _"Told you I'd get you." He spat it out and then faded into the darkness. Another face loomed over her then. A face she never wanted to remember._

"No." She said in a gasp, sitting up. She met no resistance as she shot up which was odd because wasn't he just looming over her?

"Mary." It was a man's voice calling her name and instantly the hairs on her arm stood on end. "Sleep."

She looked down at the source of the voice and was finally able to breathe. The hair was blonde, not black. Wavy and not curly. "It was a dream." Her heart had been racing and it finally seemed to slow ever so slightly.

"Mare?" Matthew had yet to open his eyes, but his arms moved out over the sheets as if looking for her.

"Matthew." Mary eased back down beside him, duvet clutched close to her chest.

"You're warm." Matthew shifted closer, wrapping his arm over her stomach beneath the duvet. "So warm." His head settled next to her shoulder and she could feel each puff of breath against her skin.

"Matthew." She said his name more insistently. He didn't seem to notice. "Matthew." She repeated.

"Huh?" He was still mostly asleep.

"Kiss me." Even that didn't garner much of a response.

"Kiss?" He pressed his lips to her shoulder. Maybe in his sleepiness he considered that a kiss, but to Mary it seemed as if he rested his lips against her skin.

"Yes." She gave up trying to rouse him at that point, shifting until she could fuse her lips to his. He seemed to start at this, consciousness finally clearing the sleepy haze from his actions.

"What're you –?" His question was cut off as Mary leaned in for another kiss. Her fingers trailed down his sides until they found the ties to his pajama bottoms, which she tugged loose. Matthew's hands stayed properly at her waist, but she didn't want that. She didn't want proper. She wanted to forget. She needed to forget _his_ face. And replace it with Matthew's. Dear, sweet, lovely, Matthew's.

"Are you sure?" He asked as soon as she broke away from their kiss to focus on pushing his clothing away. "Mary. Stop." He took her hands in his, forcing her to pause. "Are you sure?" He sat up himself and tried to meet her eye.

Mary didn't answer, just shaking her hands free from his grip and raising her nightgown over her head. "Does this answer your question?" Mary threw the garment aside, and didn't wait for Matthew's response, already leaning over for yet another kiss. A forceful kiss which Matthew yielded to quite easily.

This time, it was her face that hovered over his.

* * *

"That was, I'm…" Matthew trailed off, breathing heavily. Mary moved away from him, curling on her side as she tugged the duvet over her bare skin. "Mary." He trailed his hand down her spine and she shivered at the sensation, but didn't move towards him.

Matthew stared at her in silence, waiting. Waiting for what, he wasn't sure. Surely they should talk, or something. After all, they had just taken a huge step in their relationship. But Mary never turned to face him. Eventually, he could detect her breathing start to even out and gave up, assuming she was asleep. He pressed one last kiss to her bare shoulder, breathing the words "I love you" into her skin before settling down into sleep himself.

Mary waited until she knew he was asleep before turning over to face him again. "I love you, too."

* * *

 **AN: So...what do you think?**


	6. Chapter 5

**AN: This is the next installment. Another time jump. Enjoy!**

* * *

 _ **Two Months Later...**_

"Flower delivery!" A student dressed in head-to-toe in pink sang as she knocked on the classroom door. The teacher only spared her a glance before sighing.

"Make it quick." He continued to write out notes on the board as the girl hurried into the room.

"These are for Helen." A handful of carnations. "Tricia." A few more. "Elizabeth." Roses this time. "And these are for Mary." She placed the bouquet of gardenias on Mary's desk with a reverence. The entire class watched to see her reaction, including Matthew.

"Thank you." She gave the girl as small smiled before the teacher ushered her from the room. The class was shocked. It was typical around this time of year for girls to compare the flowers they had had delivered. Usually it was just some things from the school sale which were then delivered during class. Typically Mary never got any. Well, that wasn't exactly true. She just refused to accept any that were sent to her. Her accepting the delivery was unusual and that they weren't the typical carnation or rose but gardenias, something that had to be specially requested, and people's minds were abuzz with speculation.

"Settle down!" The teacher had to shout to get the students to stop talking. "As I was saying, the fundamental practice of…" He droned on and people temporarily placed their speculation on hold.

Matthew was having a hard time keeping a smile from his face.

* * *

"You will never believe what happened in class today!" Alice all but jumped in excitement. "Mary got flowers -"

"So?" Alexa flipped a page in her magazine in boredom. "She always rejects-"

"She accepted them!" Alice interrupted. That caught Alexa's attention. Mary had accepted the flowers? "Its so romantic." Alice flopped onto her bed. The room was empty save her and Alexa, but it wouldn't be long before their roommates appeared.

"Are you sure?" Alexa sat up from her bed, reaching for her phone and scrolling through it. Alice couldn't make out what she was looking at but she was smiling.

"Yes. It was a bouquet of gardenias." She replayed the scene in her head. "Yeah. I wonder why gardenias though? Roses are much more romantic."

"They mean secret love." Alexa supplied, still staring at her phone.

"That makes it all that much sweeter!" She squealed. "But I wonder who they are from?"

"Who indeed?" Alexa smiled, showing off all her teeth. "Who indeed?"

* * *

"You shouldn't have done this." Mary greeted him before he could knock on her door. "Come in." She checked the hall before closing the door behind him.

"Do you not like them?" He took a seat at her desk as he watched her pace.

"That's not it. But people are going to speculate." She sighed, crossing to him and settling herself in his lap.

"Let them." He shrugged. "I just wanted to see you happy."

"I am happy." She admitted, smiling.

"Then I did my job." He hugged her close.

"Happy Valentine's Day Matthew." She breathed against his neck, pressing her lips to the sensitive skin there.

"Happy Valentine's Day Mary."

* * *

"Mary what do you think?" Alexa twirled before the mirror, skirt of dress flaring out around her. "My mother got it for me off the Paris runway."

"You look nice." Mary nodded, glanced up from her magazine before returning her attention back to it. Alexa gritted her teeth in frustration. What would it take to get some sort of attention from her?

"Mary." Katherine pushed into the room. "I cannot thank you enough for getting me this dress!"

"When I saw it I knew it would look amazing on you." Mary pushed up from the bed, throwing her magazine aside as she took it in. "I was right."

"Thank you!" Katherine squeezed her tightly in a hug and Mary patted her back in return. Alexa looked down at her own dress before looking back at Katherine. It was a dress from the same show.

"That's what friends are for." She smiled. "Now, I have to be off." She kissed both of Katherine's cheeks before disappearing.

"Bye Mary." Alexa added sarcastically as she turned back to the mirror.

"Don't take it personally Lex." Katherine assured her. "Mary takes some time to warm up to people. I am going to go change." She patted Alexa's shoulder before slipping out of the room.

"A while? Try three years." Alexa mumbled to herself.

"What was that?" Katherine asked as she reappeared in her uniform.

"Nothing."

"You know that even being acknowledged by Mary is a big deal. Lighten up will you?" Katherine bumped her with her hip as she played with the bracelets all over her arms.

"Why do we even let Mary have that much power over us?" Alexa played with the neckline of her dress.

"I don't know." Katherine looked thoughtful for a moment before the moment passed. "I always think it's funny how she doesn't even seem to realize it." Katherine laughed lightly. "Makes it specialier."

"Specialier isn't a word." Alexa sighed.

"Whatever. You get it." Katherine flapped her hand, bracelets banging together. "Now I have a mandatory study meeting with Tor the bore. Only a few weeks into a new term and I am already on the verge of failing. That has to be a record or something. Later." She flounced from the room leaving Alexa alone to consider her words.

She was sick of waiting for Mary to acknowledge her. She was going to make Mary notice her. Or take her down in the process.

* * *

"Matthew." Lewis pounded on Matthew's door. "Matthew Crawley, open this door."

"What the hell?" Matthew blearily opened the door, rubbing at his eyes. "It's six in the morning, man." Matthew left him in the doorway, diving back into his bed.

Lewis followed him in, shutting the door and turning on the light in one motion. "Yeah, well, when your phone goes off at four am with an email blast about your friend you wake up."

"What are you talking about?" Matthew's voice was muffled by his pillow. The room was too bright and all he wanted to do was sleep.

"I am talking about the email that is going to be all any one talks about in the morning." Lewis grabbed Matthew's laptop, opening the top to be met with a surprise. The screensaver was a shot of him kissing Mary's cheek. "Well this answers my question. Were you going to tell me you had a thing with Lady Mary?"

"What are you talking about?" Matthew denied, burying his head further into his pillow.

"I am talking about this." He flipped the computer around to show him the image he found there. "And this." He held out his phone with another image.

Matthew ignored the laptop, knowing what was there, and instead squinted at the small phone screen. When the image came into focus he shot out of bed. "Where did you get this?" He grabbed the phone.

"I told you. The email blast. Someone sent it to the entire school." Lewis explained. "Have something to share with the class?"

"I'm kissing my girlfriend." Matthew shoved the phone back at him, grabbing a pair of gym shorts and hopping into them quickly.

"And this?" Lewis held out the laptop.

"We spent a day in London over the holiday." Matthew pulled a school shirt over his head. "I have to go talk to Mary now." He grabbed his keys and all but ran from the room.

"Why do some guys just have all the luck?" Lewis shook his head at the laptop screen before shutting it.

* * *

"Mary." Matthew knocked gently on the door again. "Mary."

"You better have a good reason for waking me up." She grumbled, opening the door and letting him in.

"Check you email." He said, pointing to her computer.

"My email?" She dropped back onto her bed.

"Email." He handed her the computer and she looked at him in confusion. "Trust me. You want to see this." Mary looked dubious, but did as he said. The image took a minute to download but when it did, her mouth dropped open.

"Where is this from?" Her anger was palpable.

"I don't know. Lewis woke me only a few minutes ago telling me about the email blast." He took a seat by her feet. "Do you know when it is from?"

"Winter holiday, I think. The car is in the background." She pushed the computer away. "This could be an issue."

"Is it really going to be so bad?" He took her hand in his, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles.

"I don't know. It was never our classmates I was worried about to be honest." She sighed. "I couldn't care less what they think."

"Then what?" He had been operating under the notion that no one could know because she feared backlash from their classmates.

"My parents." She kicked the blankets off her legs, grabbing a jumper to thrown on over her pajamas.

"Well I can't see this reaching them." His brow furrowed as he considered all the possibilities. "The email only went to students."

"For our sakes, we should hope so." She brushed her lips over his. "Since I am up, I might as well get dressed."

"I don't mind." He sat back against the headboard.

"Then you won't mind this." She forced her seldom used eye mask over his eyes. His body shook with repressed laughter.

"Nothing I haven't seen before." He called out, flinching at the unexpected swat at his shoulder.

"Behave or you will never see it again." Her breath tickled his ear, the heat of her skin palpable before receding.

"I'll behave." He said, not sure if she could hear him. Her laughter was his answer.

* * *

"Ready?" Matthew paused outside the hall doors, Mary by his side. "Because we don't have to do this. We can hide out until classes resume on Monday."

"I am not afraid." Her voice was steady and that bolstered his own wavering confidence.

"If you are sure." He felt the need to clarify.

"I am." She reached for his hand and he gave it willingly. Before they could take a step towards the heavy door, they swung open and everyone paused. It was Katherine and Alexa.

"Mary!" Katherine's voice was bright and happy.

"Mary." Alexa's less so.

"Hello." Mary said politely, unsure the reception she would receive.

"I am so glad to see you. You wouldn't believe what I caught my brother doing the other day. Or should I say who?" She covered her mouth with her hand as she giggled. Her arm looped through Mary's as she dragged her away and into the mass of students who returned to their conversations. Alexa followed silently.

"Dude." Sean approached from his perch by the door. Lewis nodded at him in greeting which he returned. "You have some explaining to do." He all but pushed Matthew towards their table. "But first, does she have an available sister? And can I have her number?"

* * *

 ** _Three months later..._**

"I hate physics. Remind me why I am taking this again?" Matthew dropped his head into his hands as his pens and pencils scattered across Mary's desk.

"I wasn't there when you made the decision." Mary looked up from her own book as she spread out across her bed. "The term is almost over. Just a few more weeks."

"Not soon enough." He grabbed a new sheet of paper and began to write out line after line of equations. Together they worked in silence for a few more hours, Mary finishing before him and then proceeding to tease him mercilessly about it. She had just dozed off when the knock on the door came and he was loathe to wake her. Rising, he felt his muscles ache after sitting for so long in one position and he stretched out lightly as he answered.

"Hello?" It wasn't who he was expecting. From the expression of their faces, he wasn't what they were expecting either. Instead of a student, it was a couple. An older couple. A couple who just happened to look like…

"Mama, Papa." He hadn't heard her get up it join him at the door. "What are you doing here?"

* * *

 **AN: So a cliffhanger of sorts. Next chapter picks up immediately where this leaves off. I'd love to hear what you think!**


	7. Chapter 6

"I'm going to go." Matthew broke the silence that had filled the space between Mary and her parents. Cora and Robert crossed the threshold, looking out of place in the small room. Matthew felt like he should bow to them, but shook himself before he could do that.

"I'll talk to you later Mary." He leaned in to kiss her before realizing that perhaps now wasn't the time for such a display of affection. He settled for a quick brush of her hand instead. "Nice meeting you." He slipped past Mary's parents, throwing a smile to a frowning Mary before the door was shut in his face.

* * *

"Mama. Papa. What brings you here?" Mary took the seat Matthew had previously been occupying, folding her hands in her lap.

"Can't a mother want to visit her eldest daughter?" Cora smiled, the impassive face she had been wearing before now gone. "We hadn't heard from you in some time and I was worried."

"I'm fine." Mary forced a smile to her lips. Robert eyed her before taking a seat at the foot of her small bed. Mary wanted to laugh at the sight. There was something decidedly wrong looking about her father sitting perfectly upright on her small bed.

"So that was the boy?" Robert went straight for the point, skipping the pleasantries that Cora hadn't.

"If you mean my boyfriend, then yes." She stood before her father, refusing to cower.

"He seems like a pleasant enough boy." Cora smiled and patted her daughters hand.

"But not the type of man you should be associating with. He's not of our station Mary. For all you know, he could be after you for your connections."

"Matthew isn't like that. I've known him for years." She denied immediately. "But wait." She held up a hand to prevent either of her parents from continuing. "How did you even know about him?"

"What does that matter?" Robert huffed, his irritation at her clear in the way he was sitting. "We know."

"Who told you?" Mary narrowed her eyes, flitting between the blank stare of her mother and the frustrated one of her father. "It was Edith."

"She only wanted to protect you." Cora all but admitted that Mary's accusation was true.

"I'm sure that's it." Mary rolled her eyes, dropping back into her chair. She didn't have the mental fortitude to work out just how Edith had found out about him in that moment, focusing on her parents.

Robert ignored her. "Now, we aren't going to demand that you break it off."

"Good because I refuse to." Mary interjected.

"But we decided that we would like to have you a little closer to home. At the end of the term you will be transferring to the school your sisters attend."

"You can't do that." Mary felt her heart rise into her throat. "You can't make me leave just when I am entering my last year."

"It's already done. Both schools are aware of the situation and have agreed to aid us in the transition."

"And if I refuse to leave?" Mary stared past her parents, her eyes boring a hole in the wall.

"You will have to do without our financial backing." Robert threatened.

"Mary, think of it this way. Now you can visit us more often and be with your sisters. I know they miss you." Cora tried to ease the tension in the room. She didn't like uncomfortable situations.

"Sybil, maybe. Edith, surely not." Mary scoffed.

"I am not going to argue with you Mary. It's time you started to do what is right for this family." He stood, his height imposing as he stood over her. Mary couldn't help but cower in her chair ever so slightly. "You are my heir. My only heir now that Patrick is gone. It's time you start acting like it."

Mary met her father's eye and saw the determination there. "Yes Papa." She gave in. It wasn't worth it to fight. Her parents were going to win anyway.

"Tell Matthew it was lovely to meet him." Cora rubbed Mary's arm as she followed her husband to the door. "I'll send one of the maids to help you pack up your room at the end of the term."

"Thank you, Mama." Mary refused to meet her eye. "Have a nice trip back."

"Think about what I said Mary." Robert paused with his hand on the door knob. "You need someone who understands our way of life. This Matthew chap? He can't."

"Yes Papa." Mary nodded even though she felt her chest hollowing out as she did.

"We'll talk more when you come home for the wedding in a few weeks." Cora smiled before walking through the door Robert held open for her.

"Have a good rest of term, Mary." Robert stared at his eldest for a moment. "I know you will be successful."

"Yes Papa." Mary didn't seem capable of saying anything else to him and he didn't know what to say in return.

"Goodbye." He pulled the door shut behind him as he left and Mary stared at it as she listened to their footsteps fade down the hallway. When she was sure they were gone, she fell onto her bed. Silent tears fell from her eyes but she didn't cry out.

What would be the point? It wouldn't chance anything anyway.

* * *

 _ **A few weeks later...**_

"I have to go home this weekend." Mary pressed her nose to his chest, breathing in the scent of his cologne. She wanted to burn the scent into her memory so that she could recall it even went they were apart. She still wasn't sure how she was supposed to tell him. Just the thought of it caused her own chest to ache; she didn't know how she would handle hurting him.

"Oh?" Matthew's voice was soft, unaware of Mary's inner turmoil. His hands tangled in her hair as his fingers massaged the base of her skull.

"Yes." She sighed as the tension headache she had been battling with all day eased under his ministrations. Mary was going to miss moments like these. She was going to miss everything about him. "I need to prevent the break out of World War III."

"Surely a family dinner isn't that dramatic." Matthew laughed lightly, pressing a kiss to the crown of her head. If only he knew, Mary scoffed internally.

"Not a family dinner. A wedding." She mumbled the last part hoping he wouldn't hear.

"A wedding? Whose?"

"A Talbot cousin. Whitney. She's marrying some Frenchman. I don't know him." Mary pulled his arm tighter around her. She was determined to enjoy every last moment with him.

"A cousin is using Downton for their wedding?" Matthew couldn't recall Mary ever mentioning the Talbots. Not that he knew much about her family. It wasn't a topic of conversation either of them was too keen to bring up, especially after _that_ day. He could tell Mary was uncomfortable even mentioning her parents most of the time, but now it was like it was taboo.

"Hence why I need to prevent a feud." Mary rolled over onto her back, staring up at the stark white ceiling. "Papa isn't too fond of them."

"Are they that bad?" Matthew twisted a lock of her hair around his finger as he waited for Mary to say something. Mary smiled at the gesture. It was cute, like he couldn't stop touching her, even if it were just her hair. She found she felt the same.

"Not bad at all actually. I think they are nice enough." She shrugged but the movement was awkward and bumped Matthew due to her position against him. "We aren't exactly close though."

"But you are cousins?" He didn't understand. Mary seemed to have such a large family and yet was close to none of them. He had almost no extended family, something he had wished for as a child. He didn't understand it at all.

"Remember the inheritance issue?" Matthew tensed at the mention of it, the words reminding him about the rest of the conversation. She didn't like it either but she took his tensing as a yes. "The great-grandmother I mentioned was my namesake. Mary Crawley. She had my grandfather with the heir to the estate but he died. Did you know his name was also Matthew?" She smiled softly at that and he couldn't help but reciprocate.

"It was fate then, that we ended up together." Matthew joked, but Mary didn't find it funny. He didn't know the history of her namesake and her first husband. It didn't end happily. But then again, it was fitting. Their story wasn't going to end happily either.

"From what I can gather, their relationship was just as fraught with issues as ours." She tried to make light of it. She didn't want worry him before she had to. This was her cross to bear, not his. "Anyway, she ended up remarrying a fellow named Talbot and had more children. Hence, the Talbot cousins."

"I don't get how that explains your father." Matthew tried to piece it together but there was something missing. A piece of this family puzzle that would make sense of all of this.

"Grandfather George loved his half siblings and helped provide for them when he inherited. Papa fears that they will try the same with him, or worse yet, try to take Downton from him." Her grimace was a clear sign that this was something she had dealt with for some time. "No matter how many times the lawyers explain that the estate is tied to the Crawley line, he persists in his paranoia."

"But aren't you—"

"Exactly. See you have reasoning skills my father seems to lack." Mary said the words with such scorn that Matthew was surprised.

"Maybe he just fears losing it. After all, it's been in your family for generations."

"He fears losing prestige. Money. Not the estate. I don't think he's spent more than a few weeks at a time there since my childhood." Mary turned on her side so she didn't have to see the censure in his eyes.

"You should give him some credit, Mary. Surely your father wants to leave you a legacy —"

"You don't understand. I thought we already spoke of this. Patrick was the legacy he wanted, not me. Patrick was the one he could parade around London, showing off how perfect his heir was. I am just his daughter."

"He loves you Mary. I know he does."

"You don't know that." She looked at his over her shoulder. "You don't know him. And if he does, he sure does have a funny way of showing it." Memories of their recent conversation flashed through her mind. He really had a funny way of showing it alright.

Matthew could see there was something she wasn't telling him, some secret that was causing her to clam up. "Has he done something to show you otherwise?"

"No. Just over the years." Mary waved it off, hoping that he would drop it. She hadn't wanted to tell him yet. Her plan was to wait until the last possible moment so that they could enjoy the rest of their term without this looming over their heads.

"So the wedding?" Matthew tried to focus on the conversation at hand instead of the secret she was keeping. He knew she would tell him when she was ready. He trusted her.

"Right." Mary subtly wiped at her eyes and Matthew let her without saying anything. "I have to go. I would invite you but it's best if you don't come."

"I understand." Matthew did. He was going to need armor before facing this family. But then again, it would be worth it for her.

"It's going to be pretty boring anyway." She continued, oblivious to his thoughts. "I may text you during the day."

"I'll respond."

"Good."

"As if I wouldn't. If I did, you would keep sending messages until I did." He teased, pressing his lips to her cheek.

"I'll have you know that I am aware of how you relish in my messages. Don't think I haven't seen your phone. Most of your texts are from me."

"Maybe I just don't have that many friends." He retorted before thinking of how it sounded. It made Mary laugh.

"True. But admit it." She wrapped an arm around his back, her fingers tickling him there so he squirmed. "Admit it."

"Fine. I admit it. I promise to keep you entertained with witty messages during the wedding."

"That'll be a change from your usual but I look forward to it." She smirked at him and he pretended to be wounded. He was just happy that the sadness that had filled her eyes only minutes earlier was gone. Surely he could take a few light hearted barbs from her in exchange for her smile. Then again, he found he would be willing to do a lot more to see her happy.

* * *

 ** _End of Term..._**

Matthew fought the urge to skip as he made his way to Mary's room. The term was over. They were on holiday and free to do as they pleased. Her family knew about them, his mother knew. He was looking forward to being able to spend some time with her that didn't include studying. He was happy and not afraid to show it.

"Mary, I was thinking that —". He didn't knock on her door, just swinging it open and walking in. He had been expecting to see Mary packing a bag. Instead her entire room was in boxes. "What's going on?" He sought out Mary's eyes as she hunched over a box of school supplies.

"Hi Matthew. Come in." She waved him in and he hesitatingly step across the threshold. That is when he noticed the other occupant of the room. Mary saw his look. "This is Edna. She works for my parents. She's helping me pack."

"Why? We don't have to move out between terms." His face went hard as he made sense of it all. "You are leaving."

"Matthew, sit." She moved a box from her bed. "Edna, can you give us a moment?" Edna nodded before leaving. Matthew shifted to let her pass through the doorway but remained standing. "Please sit."

"What is going on?" His hands clenched into fists.

"My father is transferring me. To the school my sisters go to."

"The all girls school? You hate it when you are forced to visit." Matthew scowled.

"It wasn't my decision. Please, sit." Matthew met her eye and his face softened slightly. She didn't look happy and as bad as it was, he found that to be a comfort.

"So your father is forcing you to change schools." He took Mary's hand in his, lacing their fingers together.

"Yes. That's why they came by a few weeks ago. To talk to the headmaster about it."

"You knew for weeks?" He felt betrayed. Weeks. She had known for weeks and hadn't told him. He thought they told each other everything. He sure as hell told her everything. Apparently he was wrong.

"I was hoping I could change it. I can't. They won't pay for the tuition if I stay."

"That's why? Mary, you could get the scholarship funding! Your grades are better than mine and I am here on that money."

Mary took his other hand in hers, mimicking their grip from their clasped hands. "I can't take that away from someone who actually needs it. It isn't fair to them."

"But it's okay to leave me here. When you could stay." Matthew accused, his eyes narrowing. His hands, which had been clutching hers, went lax in her grip.

"Matthew. I tried. I want to stay. I contacted the man who manages my trust fund but he couldn't get me the funds. It's all locked down."

"So you have to go." Matthew shook her hands off and stood.

"I wish there was another way." Her voice was soft.

"You should have told me. I could have helped you think of something." He began to pace in the small space.

"There isn't anything you could have done. And I didn't want to bother you with my family's troubles when you had your plate full with exams."

Matthew stopped pacing at that. "You think that you would have been bothering me? Mary, this is the sort of thing you should tell me! I'm your boyfriend. That's the stuff you tell your boyfriend." He scrubbed his hands through his hair making it stick up in all directions. "Why are they making you transfer?" He hadn't questioned it before but now it seemed important.

"Matthew." Her sigh seemed to be answer enough but he wanted to hear it.

"Why?" He demanded.

"They don't approved of some of my choices." She hedged, moving to stand in front of him. Her hands settled on his chest.

"Meaning me." He peeled her hands off of him so he could pace again.

"Matthew. That isn't —"

"Don't lie." Matthew shook his head. "They don't like their daughter going out with a charity case."

"No, Matthew! They are just stuck in the past. Ignore them. I don't care what they think!"

"Yeah, well, you will." Matthew felt the fight leave him. All of his anger had burnt out. "I guess this is goodbye then."

"What? No." Mary shook her head. "We don't have to break up. It's only a year." She placed her hands on his cheeks to try and force him to look at her but instead his hands clasped her wrists as he tugged them away.

"If they are forcing you to leave because of me, I gather they would do more should we stay together. And clearly you don't care enough about me to take money from the school to stay here." Matthew couldn't remain in this room any longer. It was stifling, the site of all her things packed away. Each box felt like a punch to his gut.

"I don't care. Once I finish school, I'll be free of them. My trust is released and they can't stop me. And it's only a year."

"A year is a long time Mary. Things change. Feeling change."

"What are you saying?" The tears began to collect in the corners of her eyes. She could feel them but refused to let them fall. "You won't care for me in a year?"

"I love you. You know I do." He finally met her eye. She had to stifle a gasp at his confession. They hadn't said those three words since Christmas, since they had voiced it the first time. It was something just understood between them. "But how could I be sure of someone who doesn't even trust me enough to tell me she is leaving?"

"Matthew, it wasn't because I don't—"

"Please. Stop." Matthew couldn't hear anymore. He needed to get away from her. "I guess I should thank you. You just showed me that I've been living in a dream. And it's time that I return to real life. Wish me luck with it Mary. God knows I wish the best for you." Tears threatens to fall from his eyes but he took a deep breath to settle himself. "Goodbye Mary." He crossed the short space to the door and let himself out. He didn't wait for Mary to say anything, he couldn't. Part of him hoped that he imaged the sob he heard through her door as he closed it behind himself.

They were at an end. And it was time he make peace with that.

* * *

 **AN: And now we are all caught up with the prologue. Next chapter will pick up after they see each other two years in the future. Until then, as always, I would love to hear what you think!**


	8. Chapter 7

**AN: We are all caught up with the prologue! This takes place immediately after they see each other again. Enjoy!**

* * *

It was awkward. Matthew didn't know why it shouldn't have been, after all it had been two years since he had last seen her, let alone spoken to her. In his rush to make it clear that he was still very much interested in what they had, he had forgotten that the break up hadn't exactly been an amicable one.

"So, uh, what have you been up to?" Matthew struggled to come up with something better to say. He smiled gratefully when a waiter dropped off their drinks, if only because it allowed both of them to pretend they were silent for reasons other than the truth.

Mary added the cream and sugar to her coffee, swirling it with her spoon as she tried to think of a response. "The usual." She finally settled upon. "School, exams. You know." She blew on the hot beverage before taking a sip.

"And your family?" He prodded gently, knowing it was a touchy subject. He had no love lost for them.

"They're -" she cut herself short. "Around." She shrugged it off.

"I see." Matthew turned his attention to his own cup, taking a long sip of it black and trying not to flinch at the bitter taste.

"How is your mother?" Mary extended an olive branch.

"Still working. Loving every minute of it too. I have always wondered what will happen when they force her to take a step back. I don't think she will handle it all that well." He babbled, giving her more information than she was surely looking for just to fill the silence.

"Mary!" Another man's voice called out in surprise causing Mary to look up at the source.

"Tony." She smiled softly, her eyes pleading with Matthew to understand. Understand what, he didn't know.

"I didn't know you would be here, sweetheart." Tony leaned down to kiss her cheek and Mary reciprocated automatically. "If you had told me I would have met you."

"That's alright. My lecture got cancelled at the last minute. I ran into my friend from school, Matthew." She gestured to him, sitting across from her with a confused expression. "Matthew, this is Tony. Tony, Matthew."

"Anthony Foyle, nice to meet you." Tony held out his hand to Matthew who took it hesitantly. Tony waited for Mary to say more, to indicate who this man was because it was clear to him that there was more there than just friendship between them.

"Don't-." "How-." Mary and Tony spoke over each other causing both to stop. "Go ahead Mary." Tony nudged her playfully, but she didn't smile in return.

"Don't you have a lecture now?" She checked her watch as proof. Tony leaned over her shoulder to look at it with her.

"Damn, I do." He hiked his bag over his shoulder before leaning down to kiss Mary on the cheek again. "I will see you later sweetheart. Nice meeting you Matt." Tony hurried away before Matthew could correct him.

"Boyfriend?" Matthew tried to keep the sour look from his face, but he doubted that he was successful. He didn't know what was worse, not seeing Mary for two years and wondering what if or seeing her again and realizing that things couldn't go back to the way they were. Judging by the throbbing pain in his chest where his heart should be, he assumed the latter.

"No. Well, not really." She clarified. "I don't consider it as such."

"But he does. Clearly." Matthew scoffed.

"My parents, they introduced us as children. And they…" She trailed off.

"Like him. It's okay Mary. You can say it. I know your parents aren't my biggest fans." All the old pain was resurfacing making this situation even more unbearable than it had already been. "I should get going." He drained the rest of his cup, this time relishing the bitterness as it distracted him from his other thoughts.

"Matthew." Mary grabbed his wrist as he stood but he shook her off.

"It was nice seeing you again. We should do this again sometime." He said politely, trying to smile.

"That would be nice." May genuinely smiled back at him and the knife he felt pierced his gut twisted ever so slightly.

"I have to be off. I have a lecture." Matthew was finally able to escape, not that it did much good.

He should have walked in the other direction when he had a chance.

* * *

"Mary, you would not believe the day I have had." Anna bustled into the room, dropping her bag onto the table and pulling at the buttons of her coat. "I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't just lived it." She joined Mary where she was sitting on their couch, dropping down with a sigh. "Mary?" She couldn't help but ask when the woman beside her continued to sit there silently.

"What? I'm sorry. Lost in thought." She rested her elbows on her knees reaching for the wine glass on the low table before her.

"I can see that." Anna noted her appearance, the lost look that seemed to permeate across Mary's features. "Let me grab a glass of that and you can tell me about it." Anna jumped up from the cushions, reaching for the open wine bottle on the counter.

"Weren't you just saying something about your day?" Mary tried to divert Anna's attention with no success.

Anna looked over at her friend, impressed. "So you did hear me. Never mind that, clearly this is more important." She filled her own glass, holding onto the bottle as she rejoined Mary. Topping off Mary's glass, she took a sip of the deep red liquid, savoring the taste on her tongue. "This is quite good." Mary just nodded, sipping at her own glass. "Now talk."

* * *

"That is quite a story." Anna whistled out draining the last of her glass. "And you had no idea he was a student here?"

"None." Mary refused a refill from Anna as she set her glass aside. "It is a large university."

"Not that large." Anna quipped. "What happened after?"

"After what?" Mary hugged one of her legs to her chest, tugging at the soft yoga pants she was wearing. "There was nothing. He followed Tony out the door."

"Ah. Right. The non-boyfriend boyfriend." Anna nodded sagely. "He has impeccable timing."

"He is not my boyfriend. And none of this is his fault." Mary felt protective of her friend, even if he was only a friend to her.

Anna just shook her head before settling it on her closed fist. "Never said it was. But from what it sounds like, this guy Matthew didn't like Tony."

"Matthew doesn't even know him to dislike him. Plus, he's too nice for his own good sometimes." Mary's mobile chimed out and she checked it before tossing it aside. "Just a message from Tony." She explained at Anna's look.

"When are you going to tell him?"

"Tell whom what?" Mary was genuinely perplexed.

"Tony." Anna rolled her eyes. "That he doesn't stand a chance."

"What makes you say that?" Mary furrowed her brow. "Tony is one of my closet friends."

"Right. Friend. And from what I can gather, he will always just be your friend even though he clearly wants more."

"No. He understands that I don't want a relationship. He said he didn't either." Mary played with the sleeve of her top to avoid Anna's gaze.

"You know for someone so brilliant, you play the idiot quite well." Anna said under her breath as she shifted against the couch cushions.

"Anna." Mary's frustration was evident.

"Look, as your best friend, it is my job to tell you when you are being ridiculous. I may not have known you when you were with this Matthew fellow, but even I can tell there is something unresolved there. And-" She held up her hand to stop Mary who looked poised to interrupt. "Don't you think you deserve to be happy?"

"Happiness is luxury I will never have. I resigned myself to that long ago." Mary admitted. "People like me are stuck waiting for our lives to start which means marriage. No one ever said that meant a happy marriage."

"That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard you say." Anna admonished.

"You don't understand Anna." Mary turned away from her, avoiding the look she knew would be aimed towards her.

"No, I don't. I don't pretend to understand. But what I know is that this right here?" She waved her hand around spastically causing Mary to smile softly. "You deserve more than this."

"Anna." The smile dropped from Mary's face, replaced with a small frown.

"Just think about it." Anna patted her hand before standing. "I am going to make something for us to eat. Any suggestions?"

"Anything will be fine." Mary murmured, losing herself in her thoughts once more. It was all just so dreadfully complicated, just remembering everything was causing her head to throb. But Anna was right, she did need to think about it.

Just not right now.

* * *

"Matt, over here!" Tony waved him over and Matthew cringed. He didn't know what possessed him to attend this event, none whatsoever. He knew that Anthony (after their auspicious introduction earlier, he had taken care to look over the guest list for this event, he wasn't surprised to see his name on it because that was the sort of luck he seemed to have) would be here and he had no desire to see the man. But now that he was spotted, he had no choice but to speak to him. His manners made it impossible to do otherwise.

"I didn't know you were a part of the society." Tony clapped Matthew on the shoulder. "Matt, let me introduce you to a few friends of mine. This is Tripp, Eddie, and Tom. Guys, this is Matt."

"Matthew Crawley." He correctly gently, nodding at the others nods of greeting.

"You related to Tony's girl?" Tripp took a sip of what Matthew assumed was scotch.

"No, just a coincidence." He gritted his teeth. Mary wasn't Anthony's girl. At least according to Mary.

"She isn't my girl Tripp." Anthony laughed it off causing the three guys to roll their eyes. Matthew felt a coil of tension that had resided in his gut since meeting the man ease slightly.

"But you want her to be." Tom supplied. "Although I have to say you have it pretty good there. All the perks and none of the strings." He winked nudging Tony who laughed uneasily. Matthew had to bite his lip to keep from saying something he knew he would regret.

"You shouldn't say such things. We are supposed to be gentlemen." Tony chided and even though he tried to sound like he was joking, Matthew sensed he wasn't.

"Of course my lord." Tom bowed mockingly. Matthew looked at Tony, expecting surprise at the mocking title but saw nothing. And then it hit him. Of course Anthony had a title, Mary's parents loved him. A titled boyfriend was everything they wanted for her and more.

"I need new friends." Tony grumbled into his drink causing the other three to laugh. Matthew just shifted uncomfortably, waiting for this night to be over.

* * *

"I'm going to head out." Matthew saw his opportunity to escape and took it. The event had led into a high stakes poker match and Matthew was pretty sure that his version of high stakes and the rest of the groups was different.

"Me too." Tony drained his glass before setting it down with a thunk. "Don't lose too much money guys." He clapped his friends on the back in goodbye, hurrying to catch up to Matthew as he tried to slip out unnoticed. Matthew resisted the urge to grind his teeth. At the rate he was going, he wouldn't have any teeth left by the end of the night.

"It was a good game." Anthony tried and Matthew reluctantly acknowledged the comment.

"I'm not one much for gambling." Matthew conceded.

"Me either. I like holding on to my money." Anthony laughed. _Greedy bastard_ , Matthew couldn't help but think even though his thoughts were much the same on the subject.

"So you know Mary." Anthony began again, drawing Matthew from his thoughts.

"We went to school together for a time." Matthew was sparse on the details.

"She told me." Anthony laughed for some reason and Matthew didn't know what to say in response. Part of him couldn't believe Mary would reveal their past relationship. "You beat her for best in the class." Anthony added to Matthew's relief.

Matthew let out a long breath. "Yeah." He couldn't help but laugh thinking back on it. "People were surprised to find out how well she did."

"I don't know why. She's brilliant." Anthony rolled his neck as if easing some unknown tension. "Keeps me on my toes that's for sure." He laughed off.

"She has a way of doing that." Matthew agreed. "So, you two. Are you…?" He left it open, not wanting to put it into words.

"No. Well, uh, no." Anthony shrugged. "Not for a lack of desire though. At least from me. I don't know about her."

"Oh." Matthew looked away in case the smile he was working to suppress showed on his face.

"She's just not been herself. I don't know how to explain it." Anthony scrubbed his hand over his face. "When we were children, she was just —. I mean, we were so close. And then I went to school and when I came back it wasn't the same. She wasn't the same."

"People change." Matthew offered. "They grow up."

"I suppose. I think there is more to it than that though. Did you notice anything happening to her while you were in school?"

"We weren't that close." _Liar_ , Matthew betrayed himself silently.

"Right yeah." Anthony stopped. "I apologize. I didn't mean to unload this on you. You must think I am ridiculous."

"No." Matthew had to admit. "It's nice that you care for her."

"Nice. Right." Anthony sighed. "Sometimes I wonder if I am wasting my time. I mean, I care for Mary. I do. But if she isn't reciprocating, I should find someone who will right?" Anthony couldn't stop. "But you see, each time I try, I just end up right back where I started. Mary's it for me. I know it." Matthew was in shocked silence. "I think I had too much to drink." Anthony finally admitted. "I don't usually talk about this. To anyone."

"It's fine." Matthew nodded trying to make that true. "I understand." Because he really, truly did. How could Anthony know that they felt the same thing for the same woman?

"Its nice to know someone who knows Mary. The other guys don't really get it. Or her. They think I am I'm in it for the sex. Which I'm not. I'm not." Anthony defended himself. "But I want it."

"Anthony -"

"I know. I shouldn't say such things. But she drives me crazy." Anthony laughed. "For a virgin, she sure seems to know how to drive a man mad."

"I don't really think we should -" Matthew was at a lost for words. How did Anthony not _know?_

"This is me." He looked up at a hall and pulled out his keys. "Thanks for listening man." He grabbed Matthew's hand, shaking it for a prolonged moment.

"No problem." Matthew furrowed his brow. As if he had much of a choice listening to him?

"I'll tell Mary you say hello."

"You are going to see her?" Matthew knew he shouldn't let jealousy color his voice but he was past being able to control it.

Anthony shrugged. "I told you. I can't resist her." He held his hand over his heart. "See you later."

"Later." Matthew repeated as Anthony disappeared inside. Continuing his walk to his own hall, Matthew reviewed all he had gleaned from that rather impromptu conversation with Anthony. He had hoped Anthony was a cad, only after Mary for what she could give him, but he had to admit that Anthony seemed like a good guy. Just not someone he wanted to be friends with.

* * *

Matthew wasn't sure when he became Anthony Gillingham's new friend but apparently he was. Wherever he went, Tony seemed to be there. Maybe Tony had always been around and Matthew had just never noticed but now he was definitely noticing.

He should hate the man. He had reason to. After all, he was "with" Mary and her parents approved of him. But he couldn't. Outside the obvious reasons, Matthew couldn't find anything objectionable about him. He was a good guy for the most part. That made it worse.

"So I was telling Scott that he had to but he refused. I just couldn't believe it, you know?" Tony finished his story and Matthew jolted back to attention.

"Yeah, sure, right." Matthew hadn't heard a word but Tony didn't seem to notice or mind.

"So what are you up to this weekend?" Tony popped a crisp in his mouth, looking at Matthew across the table.

"Oh. You know. The usual." Matthew hedged.

"Meaning nothing." Tony joked, smiling. "Well, you should come out with us."

"Us?" Matthew wondered whether Mary was included in this 'us'.

"The usual group. We are heading up to Mary's estate for the weekend. Her parents are out of the country on some vacation abroad." He didn't seem to realize that he couldn't just invite someone to another person's house but Matthew wasn't about to point that out. Some small part of him wanted to see this estate that had been at the heart of their break up.

"Sure." Matthew agreed before his own conscious could stop him.

"Perfect! This is going to be great. Just a weekend of relaxation before exams start up." Tony wiped his hands on a napkin, balling it up and throwing it at the table. "We should head out. Lecture starts soon."

"Let me just." Matthew gestured to the bill on the table but Tony waved him off.

"I've got it." He slid a note into the folder without looking. "Let's go." He waved off any attempt by Matthew to pay him back causing Matthew's ire to rise. He gritted his teeth to keep from saying something he would regret.

* * *

"Packing light?" Anthony teased as he leaned against the door frame of Mary's room.

"Very funny Tony." Mary smiled softly as she zipped up her bag. "But just because it's my home doesn't mean I have anything there anymore. I haven't lived there in a few years."

"Hey, no judgment!" He held his hands up. "Need me to put those in the car?"

"Yes. Thank you." She handed him the bag and he took it with a groan.

"What did you pack? Bricks?" He asked with exaggerated effort.

"Don't quit the family business Tony. I don't see comedy in your future." She crossed her arms over her chest.

Tony just shrugged. "I will get you to laugh. One of these days." He dropped the act. "Don't think I didn't see the smile before."

"I don't know what you are talking about." She said primly, shutting the door behind them as she followed Tony to the waiting car.

"Riiiight." He dragged out. "Anyway, this is going to be a fantastic weekend."

"I'm looking forward to it." Mary agreed easily.

"Before I forget, I invited someone else to join us."

"Oh?" Mary stifled the urge to roll her eyes.

"Yeah. Matt. He mentioned never having seen your place and I asked him to come along. You don't mind do you? You said —"

"It's fine." She cut him off. "Fine." She watched him lift her bag into the car. "How is he getting there?"

"Don't know." Tony shrugged. " I didn't think to ask."

"So you invited him, and then left him to figure out how to get there." Mary clarified, staring at him with her hands on her hips.

"Damn, you're right. Let me call him and see. We could give him a ride right?"

"Right." Mary was forced to agree. After all, what could she say? No? Because that would require an explanation that she wasn't ready to give him.

* * *

The scene was the same.

The grass the same bright shade of green that was visible even in the dim moonlight.

The night sky was the same. She could make out the same constellations.

The scene was the same, but she was different. The people were different. And yet she couldn't escape the feeling of dread that filled her stomach, more potent than any of the alcohol that was being passed around. I sharpened her senses, every small noise as loud as a cannon blast to her in that moment.

How could these people, her so called friends be merry here? It felt like this area was haunted by the ghosts that Mary only acknowledged in her worst nightmares. But then again that was her own fault. How could these people know why this spot wasn't the idyllic spot they saw? She never told them. She hadn't told any of them. Save one.

"Here." A champagne glass hovered before her vision. "It's ginger ale. They won't be able to tell." It was Matthew and she accepted the glass with hesitant fingers.

"Thank you." She sipped at the fizzy liquid, smiling when she tasted ginger ale and not champagne.

"You didn't tell him." It wasn't a question so Mary didn't answer him. Matthew sipped at his own glass of what she assumed was the drink she abhorred in this moment. He caught her gaze staring at the flute and he shrugged. "Ginger ale for me as well." She wasn't sure why that was reassuring to her but it was. "Why didn't you tell him?" He wouldn't let it go and the brief feeling of comfort she had been feeling due to his actions evaporated.

Part of her wondered how he came to that conclusion but then she realized he was too observant for his own good sometimes. He must have been watching her. She swirled the glass between her fingers as she searched for something to say, watching as the liquid sloshed near the rim but never over it. "It didn't seem…necessary."

"Not necessary." Matthew tried the words out but found them lacking. "You don't think Tony would want to know? If he knew he wouldn't have —"

"He doesn't need to know." She interrupted him, sick of his all knowing attitude.

"I didn't mean to push." He back off immediately, sensing the hostility in her tone. "I just hate to see you being forced into this situation."

"And what situation would that be?" She swirled her glass again, this time frowning as a few drops slid over the edge and down her fingers.

"Forget it. Forget I said anything." Matthew gulped at his drink only to remember it lacked the alcohol he so desperately desired. "If you don't want to tell your boyfriend then —"

"He isn't my boyfriend." She said a little bit too loudly and looked over at the group of people a few paces away to see if they noticed. "Who keeps perpetuating this rumor?" More of her drink splashed over the rim and she frowned.

"I don't know what —"

"Hey you two." Tony dropped down beside Mary, flopping on to his back. "Why don't you two join the rest of us? What are you even talking about?" He spoke quickly and his words slurred ever so slightly. "Mary, your glass is almost empty. Let me get you some more champagne." He sat up to take her glass. Mary's eyes met Matthew's and he saw the panic beneath the surface.

"Let me." Matthew plucked the glass from Mary fingers before Tony could say anything, hurrying away.

"Nice of him." Tony flopped back down to lay on the blanket.

"Yes." Mary watched Matthew as he surreptitiously poured her her drink. Matthew had always been nice but she couldn't tell him that. She couldn't tell him anything.

And that was the problem.

* * *

 **AN: So know you sort of know what they have been up to since they parted. Anyone surprised? I'd love to hear from you! :)**


	9. Chapter 8

Tony twirled a rose between his fingers as he built up the courage to approach Mary. This was it. He was going to take the leap. He was tired of this non-relationship they seemed to have going on. He loved her. He was in love with her and he wasn't afraid to admit it. He knew she cared for him too. Whether that was love or just affection, he wasn't sure. Even if it was just affection, that would be a good start. He could make her see that she could be happy with him. He could make her happy.

Mary hadn't noticed him yet, so he took a moment to reassure himself. This was right. He knew it was. Enough was enough. His parents, hers as well, were expecting an engagement at this point. Every time he spoke to his father the topic would some how turn to heavy hints at a proposal. Would he need the family ring? Because he was going into the vault and could get it for him. The anniversary party was coming up and wouldn't it be nice to announce it then? Tony didn't have the heart to tell them that Mary wasn't even his girlfriend, let alone expecting a proposal. But that was going to change. He was going to change it.

"Tony?" Mary's confused voice forced Tony from his thoughts and he took a deep breath. It was now or never.

"What are you doing over there?" She tapped her pen against her book as she stared at him. Tony took a fortifying breath before moving from the doorway.

"I wanted to give you this." He held out the rose, waiting for her to take it. But her hands remained in her lap where she had placed them as he walked towards her. "Come on," he chuckled lightly, "don't leave me hanging here."

"Tony." She closed her eyes before finally taking the flower from him. "You didn't have to." She placed the stem in the open spine of her notebook. "But thank you."

"No need to thank me." He shuffled forward, hope buoying his fledging confidence. "But I did hope I could ask you something." He took the seat across from her at the table, folding his hands together. It was much like the stance he took when trying to propose a new plan to the board of directors of his father's company. And he would never admit it, but Mary was more intimidating than any of the old men on the board.

"What's that?" Mary had turned back to her work, head bowed over her book.

"Go out with me." That got her attention, her eyes meeting his.

"What?" She looked confused but Tony didn't know why.

"Go out with me. Saturday." He could still see confusion in her gaze so he clarified further. "On a date."

"Tony." She dropped his gaze, rubbing her fingers to her temple as if she had a headache. "You know we can't."

"Why not? What is stopping us?" He leaned forward, smiling softly at her. "I think you should give me a shot. We have already been sort of dating for years. This would just make it official." He reached his hand out to take hers but she pulled back just as he was to brush her fingers. "Mary."

"Tony, I just can't." She shook her head.

"Why not?" He had known it was possible that she would say no, probable even. That hadn't stopped him from hoping.

"You are one of my closest friends. One of my oldest friends. I don't want to mess that up by complicating our relationship."

"Love isn't a complication, Mary."

"Who said anything about love?" She sat back in her chair, mouth set in a firm line.

"Surely you know, Mary."

"I can honestly say that I don't."

"I love you." Tony felt the words leave his mouth before he could think to censor himself. "I always have."

"No, you don't." Mary rebutted, crossing her arms over her chest. "You can't."

"But I can. Loving you is easy, like breathing. It came naturally."

"Nothing about love is like that. You don't know what you are talking about." Mary pressed a hand to her eyes.

"You speak as if you have experience. A bad experience. I can tell you, love isn't supposed to be hard." Tony moved to the seat beside her, refusing to let her retreat into herself and away from him.

"Love isn't anything. It's an emotion. People make it hard. Or people make it easy. But love itself? It isn't anything." She opened her eyes and was startled to see him sitting so close. She leaned further back in her chair to put some distance between them. "I don't know where you got it that love is hard. But I could show you, it doesn't have to be. With us, it could be great!" He wrapped one hand around one of hers that had been clutching at the arm rest of her chair.

"I'm just -. I can't Tony."

"One date. Just one. If you hate it, we never have to have a second date. And I promise it will change nothing." Mary eyed him with wariness. "I promise." Tony kept his eyes on hers as he watched her come to a decision. He didn't understand each and every flash of something that appeared in her eyes and he couldn't help but wonder what had put them there. Had someone treated her poorly in the past? Had she had her heart broken? If that were the case, he would be the one to fix it. He was sure of it.

"Fine." Her answer sounded more resigned than happy but Tony would take it. He would make her want a second date.

"Perfect!" He pressed a kiss to her cheek before standing. "I will pick you up at 7:00 on Saturday."

"Alright." Mary had already returned to her work but Tony didn't care. She had said yes.

* * *

"I did it Matt. I finally did it." Tony sounded jubilant and Matthew found himself swept up in it. "I can't believe it."

"Congrats! But did what?" He took the beer Tony offered him, taking a deep drag of lager.

"Mary! I asked her out!" Matthew sputtered, foam leaking past his lips. Tony clapped him on the back in concern.

"Sorry. Went down the wrong way." He waved off Tony who looked ready to perform the heimlich. "What did she say?"

"Who?" Tony's excitement from before replaced with concern.

"Mary?" Matthew really didn't want to know, but the masochistic side of him needed to know.

"Yes, of course." Tony's earlier attitude returned as he slouched in the bench seat. "Conditionally. I got her to say yes to one date." Tony tipped his head back with a sigh. "I have to make this the most perfect date she's ever had so I can get her to agree to another. You need to help me."

"Me? Why me?" Matthew patted the wet spots in his shirt with a napkin.

"Because you probably know things about her. More than anyone else I know. Tell me. I mean, I know things like her favorite color and favorite flower but she must have gone on dates while at school."

"I wouldn't know." Matthew lied. He hoped that it didn't show on his face.

"I need to find the largest bouquet of roses before Saturday." Tony muttered to himself.

"Roses?" Matthew looked skeptical. Did Tony really not know Mary's view on roses?

"Her favorite flower. One dozen is enough right?"

"That isn't her favorite." Matthew blurted out before biting his lip.

"It isn't?" Tony looked over at him. "Then what is?"

"Gardenias." Matthew answered automatically before mentally cursing himself. Why did he say anything?

"Good to know." Tony nodded. "And her favorite color is still purple right?"

"Red." Again, the answer bubbled out of him without thought.

"See? This is why I need you man. Thanks." He clapped Matthew on the shoulder. "I was thinking for the date itself…" Tony continued but Matthew shut him out.

How had he gotten roped into planning the perfect date for Mary to a man other than himself?

* * *

"Well, you look nice. Hot date?" Anna teased from her spot on the couch. Mary just ignored her as she filled her clutch with the necessities. It had taken her longer than she had anticipated to get ready. She wasn't in the practice of going out on dates recently. Plus, she didn't want to give Tony the wrong idea. She had dressed with deliberate care. Good enough for whatever Tony had planned, but not in a way that was suggestive that she wanted more. "Hello? Earth to Mary?" Anna waved her arms to catch Mary's attention. "What are you doing?"

"What does it look like?" Mary felt her frustration spoke, and unfortunately Anna was the only one around to deal with it.

"I already told you. This is the part where you actually tell me." Anna didn't let Mary's attitude phase her. She was used to it by now.

"I have a date." Mary admitted as she threw her keys into her clutch.

"Shut up." Anna's surprise was clear as she stood from the couch. "With who?" The doorbell rang and both their heads snapped to the door.

"See for yourself." Mary gestured to the door. Anna rushed to answer it. She couldn't help it. She was curious.

"Tony!" Anna's gasp was exactly the response Mary anticipated.

"Hello Anna." Tony smiled widely at her. "Is Mary ready?"

"Yes." Mary didn't let Anna respond, stepping up to the door. "We should go."

"These are for you." Tony held out a bouquet and Mary almost passed them off the Anna to take care of before she noticed the flowers.

"Gardenias?" Her heart clenched in her chest. How could he possibly know…?

"I heard they were your favorite." His smile seemed to get even wider at her nod.

"They are. Anna?" She passed the flowers to her curious roommate who took them.

"I'll take care of it." Anna assured her, taking in her expression.

"Ready?" Tony held out his arm for Mary to take and she hesitatingly slipped her arm through his.

"Have fun you two." Anna teased as she watched then walk off, sticking her tongue out at Mary as she turned back to glare at her best friend.

"We will." Tony answered, oblivious to the interaction between the two roommates. "I guarantee it." He squeezed Mary's hand where it rested on his arm. "I guarantee it." He repeated only loud enough for Mary to hear and she gifted him with a wan smile.

It was already off to an awful start.

* * *

When Mary slipped back into the flat hours later, Anna was waiting for her.

"You have so much explaining to do." Anna held back long enough for Mary to slip off her heels before grabbing her friends arm and dragging her to the couch. "Now speak."

"He asked me out. I said yes. The end." Mary didn't feel like talking. It was a disaster. The whole night was dreadful, as she anticipated it would be. Not that Tony noticed though.

"That's not going to work with me. Spill."

"Fine. But I am going to need something to drink first. Something stronger than that." She pointed to the red wine that Anna had served for herself.

"I'll grab the scotch." Anna pushed up from the couch, hurrying to retrieve the bottle. Mary picked the hairpins from her hair causing it to fall around her shoulders. She couldn't help but sigh in relief as the hairpin headache eased slightly. "Here." Anna handed her a glass of amber liquid and Mary tossed it all down in one gulp.

"More." She held out the glass and Anna filled it. Mary tossed it down again. She relished in the burn as it scorched her throat.

"Feel better?" Anna asked tentatively as she set the scotch bottle on the table and rejoined Mary on the couch. She folded her legs beneath her as she stared at her friend.

"Not remotely."

"You don't have to —". Mary held up her hand to stop her. "I will. You deserve that." Anna waited silently. She could see that Mary was conflicted.

"He knew about the gardenias. I don't know how he knew, but he did." Mary started and Anna was confused.

"I mean, they aren't the typical date flowers, but they are pretty." Anna noted when Mary fell silent. She closed her eyes at the onslaught of memories of just what gardenias meant.

"They're my favorite." Mary finally admitted, opening her eyes.

"I didn't know that." Anna's brow furrowed. "I thought roses —"

"I know." Mary breathed out of slowly. "It was our thing. Matthew's and mine." She added. "He got them for me once and it became our 'thing'." She shrugged. "Only Matthew knows that. The only way Tony found out was if…" Mary trailed off, her gaze locked on the flowers as they sat in a vase on the table.

"If?" Anna prompted.

"Matthew told him." The answer hit her in the gut. "Tony asked him and Matthew helped him out. That's why the date was perfect. Damn him." Mary pounded her fist into a cushion. Anger rolled in her belly, hot and furious.

"If it was perfect, then why are you upset?" Anna was almost afraid to ask. She had never seen Mary so upset. It was confusing.

"It was. He seemed to know all my preferences. Things I never could have told him. All night I was confused. I couldn't work out how he knew. I assumed it was because I was just that transparent." Anna snorted at that.

"I have heard you described as many things. Transparent isn't one of them." Mary managed to crack a smile at that.

"Now I know why. Matthew told him. Matthew basically set up the whole night." Mary filled her glass again, this time just sipping at it.

"That was nice of him." Anna suggested as Mary fell silent.

"It was cruel." Mary shook her head. "Do you know how long it took to forget?"

"Forget what?" Mary grabbed a cushion and clutched it to her chest.

"Him. Forget him. I didn't want to break up you know? He did it."

"You didn't tell me that."

"It's not something I like to remember." Mary drained the glass and refilled it.

"You might want to slow down." Anna suggested as she watched Mary fill her glass again.

"I am going to need this if I am going to get through this story." Mary shook her off.

"You don't have to tell me if it is that painful."

"I want to. Need to."

"Okay." Anna grabbed her wine glass and sunk into her end of the couch. She didn't know what Mary was going to say but if Mary's expression was anything to go on, she assumed it would be heartbreaking.

"I didn't want to break up. I didn't. But he just got so upset…"

* * *

 **AN: And you all know what happens in that recollection. If not see chapters 2-6. :)**


	10. Chapter 9

"It's so nice that we could do this." Cora smiled at the assembled guests. "It's been so long." She shared a look with Anthony's mother and father as they smiled in return.

"It's has." Tony's mother, Lucia, agreed.

"You act like we don't see each other regularly." Tony joked as he reached for the dish the butler just set down. His arm brushed against Mary's and she shied away from the contact. "We aren't in Siberia. Just university." He nudged Mary at his joke and she managed to smile briefly.

"Oh, Tony." His mother sighed.

"Boy's got a point dear." His father chuckled.

"Well, I always enjoy having my children home. Even if it's just for dinner." Cora added, looking over at Mary. Mary knew what Cora was leaving left unsaid and resisted the urge to say the retort that was on the tip of her tongue. Now was not the time to fight with her mother.

"Thank you, Mama." Mary said instead as she sipped at her wine.

"And to see you two together! It's just such a wonderful thing." Cora clapped her hands together and Lucia nodded her agreement.

"We had almost given up hope." Tony's father cut into his steak, his knife screeching against the fine china. The sound caused Mary's hair to stand on end and she cringed ever so slightly.

"Good things come to those that wait." Tony informed them, looking over at Mary. His gaze was filled with emotions that Mary didn't want to name so she looked away. He had been looking at her with that same exact expression more and more lately, ever since their first (and only, she always insisted when asked) date two weeks ago. They had been in each other's company since of course, but she wouldn't consider anything they did as dates. Whether Tony did, she honestly couldn't say. She didn't want to ask for fear of the answer.

"Here, here!" Tony's father cheered.

"Aren't they just adorable?" Cora placed her hand on Robert's arm, other fluttering over her heart.

"Yes dear." Robert eyed him from across the table. "I hope you treat her right. She deserves only the best." Mary suppressed the urge to roll her eyes.

"Absolutely sir." Tony agreed easily.

"Good." Robert nodded before returning to his food.

"So when can we expect the engagement?" Tony's father asked as he hacked into his meal. Mary frowned at the sight before registering his words. "I was thinking we could announce it at our anniversary party in two weeks."

"What?" She blurted out without thinking. Engagement? They weren't even truly dating!

"Come now, Mary. You aren't fooling us. We can read the tea leaves."

"Father." Tony squirmed in his seat. His father noticed Tony's panicked face and stopped himself from saying what he wanted to say.

"Fine, fine. I'll stop. But don't keep us waiting too long. I still want to be young enough to play with my grandchildren."

"Grandchildren?" Mary hid her hands in her lap. They were shaking. Whether that was from being upset or angry, she wasn't sure. Both emotions fought for dominance, with anger winning out in that moment.

"Honey, you are frightening them." Lucia chided with a smile before winking at them. "I'm sure that when Tony and Mary are ready, we will be the first to know."

"Of course, Mother." Tony agreed easily, reaching under the table to take Mary's hand. She shook it off. She couldn't deal with his touch at this moment. She couldn't deal with him period.

"Let's leave them be." Lucia continued. "Cora, I have been hearing wonderful things about Edith."

"Yes! She has been having a marvelous time…" Mary tuned the rest of the conversation out, focusing on her plate until this whole dinner disaster was over.

* * *

Lights pulsed in time with the music, which was way too loud in Matthew's opinion. The bass thumped the speakers and he could feel it reverberate in his chest with each and every beat. He was still nursing his first drink while everyone else was on to their third or fourth.

"You look like you could use some company." A blonde woman spoke up beside him as she slid into the seat next to him.

"I'm fine." Matthew wasn't overly interested in some random person's attempts to flirt with him. He was more than fine sitting by himself. If the debacle with Lavinia was anything to go by, he wasn't fit for company anyway. Tony had set them up. He should have known it would end horribly.

"I never understood Tony's fascination with this place. It's just too…much." The woman shuttered, sipping at her bright pink cocktail. "And this is atrocious." She stared down at her drink before setting it aside.

"It does look pretty terrible. Wait, you know Tony?" It had taken Matthew a moment to realize what she had said. Maybe he was more out of it than he thought he was. How much _had_ he had to drink?

"Yep." The woman's lips popped on the p as she crossed her legs and settled into the booth. "But I only came because Mary asked."

"Mary?" He was seriously confused. Finally, he hazard a glance at her and found that she looked familiar. "Do I know you?"

"No." She smiled like she knew something he didn't. "I'm Anna." The name sounded familiar to him but he couldn't place it. He searched his memory, finding it hazier than he expected. He knew that he had heard that name somewhere. Somewhere recently too. Tony, plus, Mary, and now Anna. So that meant that…

"You're Mary's flat mate." He didn't say it like a question since he knew it was the truth.

"I am." She confirmed anyway.

"I'm Matthew." He introduced himself.

"I know who you are." She smiled again, swaying slightly to the slower music that began to filter through the speakers. "I've heard all about you."

"Good things I hope." Matthew downed the rest of his drink. Anna just looked at him.

"Depends on who you ask." Anna hedged as she waved one of the servers down to order some new drinks. Her tone was arch and Matthew held back his sigh.

"I guess I deserve that." His eyes sought out Mary as she floated through the crowd at Tony's side. Mary looked fairly disinterested in whatever was going on, but her smile was still firmly in place. He had always been impressed when they were younger with her ability to feign interest in what was going on around her while being totally disengaged. Back when they were in school, he had been privy to her thoughts in those moments, sharing knowing looks with her as whomever they were with prattled on about something. Now he was only left to wonder.

Anna followed his gaze and sighed. "She doesn't love him." Matthew's eyes shot to hers.

"What are you talking about?" He didn't want to get his hopes up.

"Mary. And Tony." The server returned with their drinks and Matthew took whatever Anna handed to him. "It's ice water." She informed him at his look. "Look, what I am about to tell you, you don't repeat. And let me make it clear, I am not doing this for you but rather for her. For some reason Mary's got it in her head that she doesn't deserve to be happy. I don't know what happened to make her think that way…" Matthew looked away and Anna paused. "I assume you do. Good. But I want her to be happy. And for some reason, the happiest she seems to be is when she is with you. So this, this conversation, this is for her. Not you."

"Understood." Matthew nodded easily.

Anna took a fortifying drink of her noxious pink drink before continuing."She's with him because it's what her family, what his family wants. There's been talk of family rings and children." Matthew's eyes widened comically at that and he suddenly wished his drink held something stronger than water. "It's scaring her, but she won't admit it. If you want a shot, you're going to have to move fast. Because if he proposes, I think she'll say yes just to be over with it all."

"She can't." Matthew looked back at Mary.

"She will." Anna looked toward Mary as well. "So whatever you did back then, I suggest you do now. Before it's too late."

"I don't even know what it is that I did."

"Figure it out. From what I gather, you're a smart guy." Anna set her drink down when she heard Matthew sigh. "Listen, if I thought Tony would make her happy in the long run, we wouldn't be having this conversation."

"You're a good friend." Matthew smiled grimly.

"She's my best friend. And I care about her happiness. But don't tell her that. Mary believes the concept of best friends is juvenile."

"Sounds like something she would say." Matthew agreed causing Anna to laugh.

"Yeah." Anna crossed her arms over her chest, regarding him closely. He sat their silently as she seemed to measure him up. He could only assume what Mary had told her about him so he wanted to make a good impression. "Gardenias?"

"She told you?" Matthew eased back in his seat.

"Just that it was a thing. Not the story."

"I assume that means you want me to tell you?"

"Well, considering the favor I just did you, it's only fair." Anna reasoned causing Matthew to laugh.

"It was Valentine's Day…"

* * *

 _ **One week later...**_

Tony was all smiles as he led Mary around the room. His hand had fallen to the small of her back in an attempt to keep her close and it was working. She wanted to push Tony's hand off of her, but she didn't want to deal with the fall out such an action would cause. Plus, it wasn't as if it was inappropriate. His hand didn't skirt lower, or try to reach the exposed skin the back of her dress provided. It stayed exactly where it should. Damn him, being a gentleman.

"We're over here." Tony leaned in to whisper in her ear. The pressure of his hand on her back propelled her forward to a mostly empty table, empty except for Matthew. "Matt!" Tony sounded excited to see him.

At least one of them was.

"Hi." He stood as they approached, buttoning his jacket to try and look presentable.

"I didn't know you were coming." Mary turned to him, noting his appearance. Her fingers twitched with the desire to straighten out the little bit of his hair that had gone askew but she resisted. Best not to go down that rabbit hole.

"Um, yeah." Matthew shuffled his feet, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

"Well, I am glad that you could make it. Between the three of us, these things are always a bit of a bore. But now with you here, we can have some fun." Tony whispered conspiratorially while pulling a chair out for Mary and helping her into it. Matthew stared a bit helplessly before taking his own seat. Next to Mary. "So I was thinking, we wait until after all the toasts and then we make our escape."

"It's your parent's anniversary dinner." Mary's tone was reprimanding.

"And they have the same dinner every year. They won't mind. If anything, they'll want to join us."

"Are you sure? We shouldn't be rude?" Matthew played with the silverware on the table, making sure each one lined up straight with the one next to it. Mary's eyes watched his fingers fidget and she sighed. His nervous ticks were still the same apparently.

"You two are killjoys, you know that? It'll be fine. After the toasts." Tony fixed them both with a stare. Matthew shrugged. Mary just ignored him.

"Anthony! Mary! And you must be Matthew!" Matthew was startled at the exuberant greeting. "We are so glad you could come!" The greeter, a woman, placed a kiss on each of their cheeks.

"You look beautiful Mother." Tony said fondly, standing.

"Thank you dear." Her hand patted his cheek. "I hope you told your lovely date the same." Her attention turned to Mary, who moved to stand before the woman waved her off. "That dress looks fabulous on you my dear."

"Thank you." Mary smiled at the compliment. Matthew couldn't help but agree with Tony's mother. Mary really did look beautiful.

"And Matthew, I have heard so much about you."

"All good I hope." Matthew joked pulling laughs from Tony and his mother. Mary just smiled wanly.

"Of course." She patted Matthew shoulder fondly before turning back to her son. "I need to steal you. Some people would like to speak with you."

"Absolutely." Tony pressed a kiss to Mary's cheek before taking his mother's arm and leading her away.

"She seems nice." Matthew noted as he watched Tony greet his parents' friends. Mary turned to follow his gaze and smiled tightly.

"She is. They all are." Matthew heard the grimace in her voice, didn't need to see her expression to know that it was there.

* * *

"We wanted to thank you all for being here tonight." Tony's father stood before the room, microphone in his hand. He clapped causing the rest of the guests to follow his lead. "Before we let you continue on with your evening, there is something my lovely wife and myself want to do. Tony, my boy, would you join us?"

Tony looked at Mary and Matthew in confusion, which they both returned. He clearly didn't know what was happening which only fueled Matthew's curiosity. Never one to disappoint, Tony stood, fixing his appearance as he joined his parents at the front of the room.

"Now, son, you know that your mother's ring had been in the family for generations." Tony's father settled a hand on Tony's shoulder. "Your mother has worn it for all these years, but we believe it's time it finds a new home." Tony's mother slid the ring off her finger and placed it in Tony's outstretched palm. "To the next generation!" Tony's father toasted and the rest of the room held up their glasses.

Mary sat frozen in her seat. Matthew's eyes flitted between Mary and Tony, unsure what to do. His parents had just publicly announced their expectations of an engagement and Mary hadn't moved since Tony accepted the ring. Tony smiled brilliantly, posing for photos with his parents before indicating that he was going to return to his seat.

"Mary?" Matthew tried, reaching out to touch her arm before thinking better of it and withdrawing his hand. She looked at him briefly before throwing her napkin into her plate and hurrying from the room. By the time Tony was able to make it back to the table, Mary was long gone.

"Where did Mary go?" He asked as he reclaimed her seat.

"I don't know." Matthew said quietly as he stared off in the direction she had fled. "I don't know."

* * *

 **AN: Things are moving along quite quickly! I love reading all of your reviews and feedback and I just want to thank each and every one of you for taking the time to read and review. Until next time!**


	11. Chapter 10

"Where is she?" Matthew burst into the flat, chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath.

"In her room." Anna answered unfazed by his appearance. "What happened?" She stood and moved towards him, wringing her hands as she looked down the hall to Mary's door.

"Later." Matthew pulled on his shirt to straighten it out and taking one last deep breath. "I'll explain later. Right now, I need to see her."

Anna just nodded. Her concern was apparent, but Matthew didn't really care. After Mary had fled, he had rushed after her but had lost her in the crowd. It always surprised him how quick she could be in heels. "Take this." Anna shoved a bottle in his hands. He looked down at the label and smirked.

"Scotch?" He wasn't surprised, after all, he would need hard liquor after what happened. What surprised him was that Anna knew that without actually knowing what happened.

"Go." Matthew didn't hesitate any longer and took off towards Mary's room.

* * *

The shaft of light that came in through her window was just enough to illuminate the room, but Mary hadn't cared if she laid down in darkness. It was all the same. Her sheets were unbelievably soft, but she didn't care. Her eyes were fixed on her stark white ceiling, seeing nothing.

So when the knock on her door rang out, it was jarring. "Go away Anna. I'm fine." Her voice lacked any sort of identifying emotion. It was flat. She was drained.

"Well, I am not Anna. And I come bearing libations." Matthew pushed open the door, his figure illuminated from behind by the hall light. The glass bottle shone under the fluorescence, the amber liquid sloshing with each movement of his arm.

"Do you have a glass?" Matthew took that as acceptance as he entered the room and closed the door behind him.

* * *

"Do you remember, that time when Sabrina…" Matthew didn't finish, doubling over in laughter at the memory. Mary watched him and smiled.

"If anyone ever lived up to the stereotype of blondes, it was her." Mary agreed, sipping at her drink. As much as she tried to hide it, she found the memory funny as well and she couldn't prevent herself from smiling.

"I wonder what ever happened to her." Matthew leaned back against the wall, head hitting it with a thump.

"Married. Three kids." Mary supplied, mimicking his position as she stretched her legs out before her on the bed. Matthew sat so close, she could feel the heat he radiated on her skin. She couldn't help but remember the last time they were on a bed together, although that was much less innocent than they were now.

"Really? That was fast." Matthew noted and Mary snorted into her glass.

"I'll say." She muttered and he laughed.

"What, you don see yourself married at our age?" He teased and Mary's amusement was lost as easily as it had come. Matthew's smile fell as he realized what he had done. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-. I'm drunk." He tried to explain it away.

"It's fine Matthew." Mary looked away from him.

"Do you want to talk-"

"No." She said flatly, taking a gulp of her drink.

"If you do, I understand. And I'll sit here silently and let you say whatever you want. I promise." She looked at him through the corner of her eye. He noticed and motion to zip his lips with his fingers.

"I'm fine, Matthew."

Matthew looked at her disbelieving. "You aren't. Because the Mary Crawley I know, doesn't run. And she certainly doesn't hide. Both of which you did tonight."

"You're his friend. I am not going to put you in the position to take sides." She sighed, shifting away from him. They were too close and his proximity was messing with her head. She needed space, she craved space.

"I was your friend first. And always." He met her gaze straight on, holding it until she was the one to break away.

"We were never friends Matthew."

"We were. Are." He corrected. "Whether you want to admit that or not." Mary didn't respond to that, looking down into her glass, her hands, anything do that she didn't have to look at him.

He reached out a hand to her and she let him rest it upon hers. "I don't think...no, I know I don't want to be engaged."

"Have you told him that?" His fingers flexed over hers and she soothed them with her own, tracing the lines of his palm.

"No. But then again, we aren't even really dating so where they came up with the idea to announce an imminent proposal, I don't know." Her voice tapered off.

"What do you mean you aren't dating? You are going out with him." Matthew replied gently, hoping his own frustration wasn't apparent.

"I let him take me out because he's like a dog with a bone. A very lovable, loyal dog, but still." She tipped her head back to stifle the tears that had begun to gather in the corners of her eyes. "I haven't initiated any of it or encouraged it. I am not the relationship type."

"Now there, I disagree." Matthew pointed at her, finishing his drink in one swallow. "I know firsthand how great you are as a girlfriend."

"Yeah, well, I was different back then. Naive." She pushed up from the bed, moving to sit in the chair at her desk.

"Why is that, do you think?" He propped his arm up on his bent knees.

"You know why." Mary fixed him with a glare. "I'm damaged. I've done things that no person could forgive."

"See that there?" He pointed at her scowl. "You are so wrong. What happened to you? Was. Never. Your. Fault." Matthew felt his anger unfurl in the pit of his stomach. "It's those bastards who did it fault. Not yours. Never yours."

"But I let them-"

"No." Matthew refused to let her finish. "It is has never been your fault that you cousin conspired with his friend to assault you. It isn't."

"You say that, but if people knew, they would never look at me the same. Instead of the stoic Lady Mary Crawley, I would be the fallen Lady Mary Crawley. The girl who let someone -"

"Have you ever told anyone any of this? I mean outside me?" Matthew interrupted her again.

"I don't need a therapist Matthew." Her voice was hard.

"Maybe you should consider it."

"That's just what I need. A therapist who I spill all my secrets to, just for them to run and tell the nearest paper."

"Hate to break it to you, but you aren't that famous. You aren't famous at all actually."

"No, but gossip columns do track me. Because of my family. And Tony. And my inheritance. Those papers wouldn't scruple at publishing information like that."

"It's illegal." Matthew supplied.

"Like that stopped News of the World." Mary countered.

"I still think it would be a good idea." Mary couldn't imagine herself sitting on one of those couches, talking about her inner most thoughts. Weaker people did that, and she wasn't weak.

"I thought you said you would stay silent." Mary snapped and Matthew looked away.

"I should go." He finally spoke after a long silence. He placed his empty glass on her bedside table and shifted his legs to rest on the floor. "Just, think about it. Please." His smile was small, sad but Mary didn't reply, just watching him go with impassive eyes.

She didn't need anyone. She had herself. That was enough.

* * *

It only took a few minutes of sitting alone in her bedroom for the silence to become overbearing. She could hear every tick of her clock, each creak of the floorboards. When her ears began to ring, she had had enough of the quiet. She needed out.

Pushing up from the bed, she grabbed her still somewhat filled glass of scotch and the nearly empty bottle. Surely she hadn't drank that much? It had only been a short time that Matthew had been over. Looking at her watch, she was shocked to find that it had, in fact, been hours. Matthew had stayed over for hours. And gone for an hour? How had she not realized?

Each step she took out of her room, she could hear the creak of the floor and she grimaced. Hadn't she escaped her room to no longer hear that sound?

"Mary? MARY." Anna's voice broke through her thoughts and she squinted as she tried to make her out in the bright lights of the room. "What is wrong with you? I must have called your name close to a dozen times." Mary ignored her, dropping down on to the padded chair next to her.

"Did he go?" Her eyes searched the room for a sign that Matthew hadn't, in fact, left. She wasn't sure if she wanted him to be there or not. But then, surely he didn't leave because he never left. Except when he did but this was —

"Mary." Anna once again broke through her inner monologue and she sighed. "How much did you have to drink?" Mary held up the scotch bottle and Anna breathed out a sigh. "I'm going to get you some water. And coffee." Mary just nodded, dropping her head to the cushion behind her.

Mary heard a door slam, causing her head to pop right back up. "Matthew?"

"No. Just me." Anna returned with a glass, holding it out to her. Mary eyed it, keeping her hands in her lap. "He left an hour ago. Drink this." Mary still didn't take the glass and Anna forcibly closed her hand around it and brought it to her lips. "Drink." Mary obeyed and Anna left again. Mary felt a sinking sensation in her chest. Why did everyone leave?

"Coffee will be ready in a few." Anna returned. She returned! That sinking feeling was still in her chest, but Mary ignored it. Anna was back! "Do you want to tell me what put you in such a state?"

"I'm fine." Mary tried to get out, but she wasn't sure she was successful. Her lips felt, just, weird. Her mouth not connected to the rest of her body. She smacked her lips in confusion.

"I have never seen you so drunk before. Clearly something happened. And I assume it was after Matthew left since he wasn't drunk as he passed through here. He wouldn't let you get like this." Mary narrowed her eyes at the idea that Matthew let her do anything. He didn't. He wasn't the boss of her.

"Perfect Matthew." She scoffed, taking a gulp of the liquid in her glass and surprised to find water. "This is water." Anna looked at her unflinchingly.

"Yes. Drink it." Anna moved closer, crossing her legs beneath her and cupping her hands over her mouth.

"Everyone thinks he's perfect. He's not." Mary continued, undaunted. "He knew. The only one. And he left. He thought it was my fault. It is. It's all my fault."

"Mary, what are you talking about?"

"He pretends it isn't. But it is. All my fault." She finished the glass of water, letting Anna take it from her.

"What's your fault?" Mary's blinked up into the overhead lights, seeing the dust motes floating in the air.

"Pamuk." She could feel the spray of water against her skin again and it made her shiver. She ran her hand over her arm to brush the droplets away only to find that her skin was dry.

"Who's Pamuk?" Mary tilted her head to peer at Anna for a moment before returning to her previous position.

"My first lover."

"But I thought Matthew was your first?" Anna sounded confused. Mary didn't blame her. She was confused? Her thoughts swirled and tangled together. What was she talking about again? Oh, right.

"No. First consent. Consent. Consensual." Mary finally got out just as the coffee buzzed that it was finished. "I hate coffee."

"What?" Anna's surprised gasp pulled Mary's attention from her consideration of coffee.

"What what?" Mary crossed her legs, propping her head up on one hand to better see Anna.

"You were…" Anna trailed off, unable to say the words.

"My fault. Told you."

"It was not your fault." Anna insisted. It reminded Mary of Matthew which only fueled her anger that had returned to a simmer.

"How do you know? You don't know. It was my fault. I'm tired." Mary hid a yawn behind her hand, causing her head to drop back onto the cushion.

When she awoke the next morning, she wasn't sure how she had gotten into bed.

* * *

"Good morning." Anna say lightly, but the sound of her voice causing Mary's head to throb. "Paracetamol's on the table." Mary silently thanked whatever deity that had made Anna her flatmate.

"Thanks." She swallowed the pills, gulping down water to get rid of the feeling of cotton that had filled her mouth. "How much did I drink last night?"

"I can't be sure. You did some damage." Anna turned to the table, dry toast on a plate before her. "Here." Mary took a small bite. "You said some things."

"Did I rant about Edith again? Or was it Tony this time?" Mary joked lightly as she reached for the jam.

"Pamuk." Anna said simply and Mary felt ice shoot down her spine.

"This is very good Anna." Mary deflected, scrapping some of the jam on to the toast.

"Mary." Anna's voice was soft, almost pitying. She reached out to take Mary's hand but she pulled back into herself.

"Stop. Don't." Mary put down her knife, dropping the toast to the plate. "I don't want to talk about it."

"But Mary —"

"No." It was clear by the tone of her voice that it wasn't a topic open for discussion.

"Okay." Anna gave in, grabbing another slice of toast for her own breakfast. "But I just want to say, you didn't see how you were last night. It —. You may not want to talk to me about it, or Matthew, I gather, but you can't let it fester like this. Talk to someone. Anyone. Please." Anna bit into her toast and stood. "I have a lecture. Are we still on for tonight?"

Mary just nodded, watching silently as Anna gathered her things and left the flat. She tried to remember all that she told Anna last night, but it was a blur. She didn't remember much past Matthew leaving and reaching for the bottle he left behind. Judging on how Anna reacted, whatever she said was enough.

That was two. Two people who knew. And for Mary's that was two people, too many.

* * *

 **AN: All opinions expressed in this piece are the characters' and not my own. Just felt the need to say that.**


	12. Chapter 11

She didn't want to be here. She absolutely hated that she came here. It was a moment of weakness, she justified to herself when she made the appointment. But that didn't explain why she was here now. No, she absolutely didn't want to be here.

"Why are you here today?" The deep voice of the doctor forced her to focus, his face placid.

"My friends thought it would be a good idea." Mary shifted slightly, crossing her ankles and folding her hands in her lap.

"Your friends? Not you?" The doctor asked gently, hand poised over a note pad and pen.

"I don't need therapy."

"That's fine." The doctor set his note pad down, lacing his hands together over his crossed knee. "But you paid for an hour session. So we can just talk. Or sit silently." He said kindly, waiting for her response.

"Dr. Carson, I'm sorry to have wasted your time." Mary grabbed her bag and moved to stand.

"Just answer one question?" Mary looked him over briefly, nodding slightly in agreement.

"Why did your friends think you should be here?" His face looked only mildly curious, but Mary was wary.

She knew what she should say. Knew what he was searching for. But she couldn't tell him. Wouldn't tell him. "They think that I need to talk to someone." She settled on, smoothing her hands down the skirt of her dress.

"But not them." He clarified. "Usually friends are someone to talk to." Mary didn't respond, just stared at him as he returned her gaze head on. "You have spoken to them about whatever it is that is bothering you." He didn't need a reply to know what he said was the truth.

"Nothing is bothering me. It's fine. I've moved on." Mary insisted, sitting up straighter in her chair.

"Good for you." Carson nodded, settling back in his chair. To Mary, the words sounded vaguely patronizing, but she couldn't be sure. She couldn't get a read on him at all actually. The pair sat in silence for a time, Carson looking at her and Mary looking at anything but him.

"I don't see why it even matters." Mary finally said, rolling her eyes. "It doesn't affect them." She re-crossed her ankles, staring down at her hands as they held her purse on her lap.

"Your friends." Carson clarified to Mary's nod. "Have you ever considered that they do it because they love you?"

Mary didn't have a response to that and Carson didn't push. Silence lingered between them as Mary looked anywhere but at the old man's face. The ticking of the clock became her companion as she desperately wished for time to speed up so she could leave.

She got her wish.

"It looks like we are out of time for today. See you next week, Lady Mary?" Carson stood, holding out an arm to usher her to the door. She was all too willing to comply.

Calmly, she made her way out of the room, through the equally silent waiting room until she was in the corridor, where she picked up her pace. She wanted out. Now.

Her thoughts were swirling, trying to make sense of all that had just happened. It wasn't much, nothing at all really. They had spoken for at most a couple of minutes, but her thoughts wouldn't stop focusing on the last thing he said. _Have you ever considered that they do it because they love you?_

* * *

"That was disappointing." Anna sighed as she popped a last piece of popcorn into her mouth. "Did not live up to expectation. Good thing we didn't go see this in the theaters." She flicked off the television and stood, stretching her arms above her head.

"I take it you didn't like it." Mary had paid the minimum attention she could to the movie. The idea of watching a romantic comedy wasn't something she felt like doing, but Anna had wanted it so she gave in without argument.

"I guess I am just sick of movies pushing lust as an equivalent to love. I don't know." Anna grabbed the empty bowl that held the popcorn, the un-popped kernels rolling across the bottom as she moved towards the kitchen. "What did you think?" Her voice came out more as a shout as she moved farther away from Mary.

"I don't know. You don't think the main couple loved each other?" Mary stood and followed Anna into the kitchen, taking a seat at the counter to watch as Anna pulled ingredients out of the fridge. "I mean, it seemed like they did."

"I just don't think that having an overwhelming desire to sleep with someone means you love them. That's lust. All the guy could think about was sleeping with the woman." Anna turned on a burner and the sound of sizzling filled the air.

"Isn't that what love is? Wanting to be with someone?" Mary twisted her fingers together on the counter, her knuckles turning white under the pressure.

"Yeah, it can be that. I just happen to think there is more to love than sex. I want the person I love to be my friend, my best friend. The person who understands me, faults and all." A wistful smile graced Anna's lips as she contemplated such a person. "But then again, I have yet to meet this perfect person so who knows? Maybe I am aiming too high." Anna turned back to her skillet, adding a few more ingredients before stirring it all together and clanging her spoon on the edge. "Wasn't that what it's like for you?" She folded her arms on the counter top, full attention on Mary.

"Me?"

"Yes. I mean, aren't you considering accepting Tony's eventual proposal?"

Mary's frowned, looking down at her hands. "Yes. But love isn't my motivating factor."

"Motivating factor? What is then?" Anna frowned as well, but she couldn't fix Mary with a look like she wanted as the food she was preparing pulled her focus.

"Security. Surety. Safety." Mary listed off.

"Isn't that romantic?" Anna teased lightly, adding alcohol to the pan and stepping back as flames licked the sides.

"I'm not the romantic sort." Mary all but snorted, tapping her nails against the countertop. "Because haven't you heard? I don't have a heart." Her tone was rueful and Anna just shook her head.

"Close your eyes." Anna commanded as she lowered the heat of the burner so she could focus on Mary.

"Why?"

"Just go with it. Now close them." Mary did so with a sigh, rolling her eyes before realizing that the gesture was lost behind her closed lids.

"Imagine this. You come home from a long day of work. You're exhausted, frustrated. All you want to do is relax and vent to someone." The scene Anna was painting was all too similar to Mary, she could feel the frustration settling in her bones, making her weary.

"You open the door to your home and someone is waiting for you. Waiting to listen to you, comfort you. Do whatever you want because you had a bad day."

Mary could see the scene in her head, Matthew's face floating in the vision as she imagined him greeting her at the door, wrapping his arms around her and allowing her to sink against him.

"You see that? Hmm?" Anna prodded, hoping that Mary understood the point of this exercise. "That's what I imagine love is." Mary's eyes flew open at that, meeting Anna's knowing ones.

"That person you see? That's what I think love is. Someone who isn't just there for the happy moments, but the moment when you can't imagine being around anyone but is there anyway. Who wants to hear about your day, not because they have an ulterior motive, but rather just wants to hear about your day."

Mary considered her words for a moment, trying to reconcile her own interpretations of the word. "Isn't that what you do?" Mary question was innocent enough but it was a shock to Anna.

"Yes." Anna blinked rapidly, trying to make sense of Mary's words. "But in a platonic sense. There is more than one type of love. We are talking about romantic love. Because while I love you, Mary, I don't exactly feel the need to sleep with you." Mary laughed at that, nodding her head in agreement.

"So, does that explain why I don't think the couple in the movie showed real love?" Anna returned to the original point of their conversation.

"What? Oh, yes." Mary agreed hastily. She had forgotten the whole reason for this conversation, if she was being honest.

"Good." Anna turned back to the food, adding more ingredients and turning up the heat on the burners. "Can I just add one more thing?" Mary nodded and looked at her patiently. "Going without that, thinking you don't need that in a partner, I just, think about what you are agreeing to before you accept anything."

"I always do." Mary smiled softly, pushing up from her chair. "Do you need any help?"

"No, I'd rather not get food poisoning tonight, thank you." Anna threw the last few ingredients into the pan.

"One time. It was one time." Mary muttered, instead moving to grab plates and utensils. "I know how to cook though! I make great scrambled eggs."

"A likely story." Anna smirked, pulling the pan off the heat and dividing the food between the two plates. "I'll believe it when I see it." Mary just rolled her eyes and picked up her plate. She was never going to live that one night down, was she.

* * *

" _Do you want to be friends with Matthew?"_

Those words were on a loop in her head. Over and over, all she could concentrate on was that question. She was even hearing it in Dr. Carson's voice as he asked her in the last moments of her most recent appointment.

She had had no intention of attending her second appointment with the man. The first one had caused enough havoc in her already turbulent life. She didn't need any more. But as the appointment drew nearer, she found herself setting aside time to go. Turning down invitations, scheduling her revisions around it. She hadn't even been conscious she had been doing it. When it came time to the actual appointment, it didn't seem to take much effort to make herself go. Much less effort than it had taken to go to the first appointment, that's for sure.

Much like that first time, where he had posed a seemingly innocent question right before dismissing her, he had left her with those words as she rose to leave.

" _Do you want to be friends with Matthew?"_

Her immediate answer had been no.

No. She didn't want to be friends with Matthew.

But before she could utter the words, Dr. Carson had held up his hand, stopping her. Part of her was glad he had.

Because while her first response had been no, she could now see it was more complicated than that.

No, she didn't want to be friends with Matthew. Quite frankly, it was awkward. She and Matthew had a past which had a habit of reappearing when she least wanted it too. What happened had happened and she had no desire to revisit it. Any of it.

And it wasn't because she still had feelings for the guy. It wasn't that at all. She was sure. Maybe when they had first met up after their two years apart, she had imagined that maybe, just maybe she still fancied him. But those feelings had been squashed long ago, as soon as she remembered what had split them up in the first place.

" _Do you want to be friends with Matthew?"_

Her thoughts always ended up in the same spot, with that damned question. It wasn't like she didn't have other things with which to occupy her thoughts, but no matter how hard she tried to focus on the essay before her, she couldn't concentrate. Books she had pulled from the library shelves were scattered around her, but only one was opened, and to a random page at that.

" _Do you want to be frien—"_

"Hey." Matthew's voice was hushed as he dropped into the seat in front of her.

"Hi." She shook her thoughts from her mind, looking down at her empty notebook.

"Do you mind if I join you?" He pulled out his own book, a novel from the looks of it, if she guessed correctly.

"I was just going to leave actually." She capped her pen, flipping her notebook shut and sliding it into her bag.

"Oh." Matthew was quick to put his own book away. Mary began to pile all the books she needed into her arms to check out when Matthew began to do the same, collecting the remaining books from the table and falling into step with her as she approached the library check out.

"Is this all for one essay?" Matthew asked as they waited for a library worker to call them over.

"Unfortunately." Mary grimaced, shifting the heavy load of books in her arms.

"And this is why I didn't take your course." Matthew joked, nudging her gently as a check out became available.

"Don't think you could handle it?" She raised a brow at him as she set the books down on the counter, allowing the library worker to check the books out.

"I'm more than happy to admit that, yes, probably." She laughed at his confession, shaking her head as she took the bag of books the worker handed to her. "Its not that I don't like it." He began to protest immediately, which only made her laugh some more. "I just don't love it enough to want to learn about it some more."

"Perfectly valid excuse." Mary conceded, struggling slightly to keep her grip on the the heavy bag of books as they left the library and headed towards her flat.

Before she knew what was happening, Matthew was taking the bag from her hands. "Let me." She wanted to frown at his actions. She could very well carry her own books. But one look at the deep red lines that had appeared on her hands from the bag and she bit her lip. Maybe she could let him have his chivalry. Just this once. "Besides, I am much more about pop culture than classics. Give me movies over dead languages, any time."

"All those movies are the same." Mary shook her head. "I don't even need to see them to know that."

"They are not the same!" Matthew disagreed. "Please tell me you saw all the recent superhero ones."

She didn't even need to answer.

"I can't believe you haven't seen them!" Matthew exclaimed, waving his arms around in emphasis. "They have been the biggest movies for years!"

"What can I say? I don't fine exaggerated fight sequences and excessive special effects the makings of a movie I would want to see." She rolled her eyes. "Just because they are popular doesn't make them good."

"True." Matthew conceded. "But, I am going to change that." He insisted, opening her flat door for her and allowing her to pass through before following.

"Change what?" Anna asked from the kitchen as she stirred something in a large pot.

"I was just saying that I am going to force Mary to watch all the Marvel movies." Matthew said in a huff as he dropped her bag of books to the floor.

"Good luck. I've been trying for months." Anna folded her arms across her chest.

"Why is it such an issue?" Mary exclaimed, smiling at Matthew as he pulled out a kitchen chair for her to sit on. "It's not like I am missing anything." She sat at the table, twisting a napkin between her fingers.

"I say this calls for a movie marathon." Matthew took the seat next to her.

"No." She said immediately, despite the immediate agreement from Anna.

"Come on. It won't hurt you to watch them." Matthew looked at her with wide eyes, waiting for her answer.

" _Do you want to be friends with Matthew?"_ The question returned, now that she was forced to confront the point head on.

"Fine. Yes." She wasn't sure which question she had answered with that utterance, Matthew's or Dr. Carson's. It didn't seem to really matter though, as Matthew and Anna began to get ready for a night of watching movies.

Maybe the movies would be enough of a distraction, unlike the books. Because she really needed a distraction.

* * *

"I brought the latest movie." Matthew said in greeting as Mary opened the door. He held up the DVD case as proof.

"What makes you think I want to watch it?" Mary retorted, stepping aside to let him in.

Matthew just rolled his eyes. "I know you enjoyed the first few. Don't lie." He moved towards the television, setting it up for the movie.

"What are we watching?" Anna appeared suddenly, surprising Mary. Matthew just held up the DVD case.

"Oh, good." Anna dropped onto the couch. She looked towards the doorway where Mary was watching them silently with her arms crossed over her chest. "Mary? Are you joining us?"

"You knew he was coming over?" Her eyes flitted between the two curiously.

"Yeah, he texted me." Anna patted the cushion next to her and Mary dropped down next to her.

"Ready?" Matthew took the seat on the other side of Mary, smiling brightly. His enthusiasm was infectious and Mary found herself smiling along with him.

"Yes."

* * *

"So, did you give any thought to what I asked last time?" Dr. Carson settled back into his seat, hands steepled before him.

"About whether I want to he friends with Matthew?" Mary stalled as she shifted in the seat in front of him. Her back was ramrod straight, leaving a gap between herself and the cushioned back of the chair.

"I believe that is what I asked." Carson didn't let her off the hook. He remained patient as he watched Mary considered what to say.

"I was prepared to say no." Mary began but her voice trailed off. Carson waited to see if she had more to add. She didn't.

"No." If Carson seemed surprised, it didn't show. His voice remained calm. The only sign that he doubted her answer was the slight tightening of his features before they smoothed out.

"Now, I'm not so sure." Mary continued before Carson could pose another question.

"Well, why did you initially want to say no?"

"We were never friends. Before, I mean. We jumped from passing acquaintances to a relationship. There was never any talk of being friends in between." It had been uncomfortable for Mary to reflect on those times. She wasn't someone who wanted to remember her past. What was the point? All it held was pain.

"That doesn't mean you weren't friends." Carson disagreed. "What changed your mind?"

"I spent sometime with him. Him and Anna, I mean. I had forgotten what that was like." A little smile tugged at her lips but she tried to smother it. It didn't escape Carson's notice though.

"Did you invite him over?" Carson seemed intrigued, sitting up in his seat.

"He invited himself." Mary sighed. "Well, actually, I think Anna might have. I don't really know."

"Have you ever considered initiating something yourself?"

"No." Her answer was immediate, as if this were a preposterous idea.

"Well, I think that might be your next step." Carson said smiling, as if that had been his intention all along.

Later, Mary realized it probably had been.

* * *

Mary stared at Matthew's number in her phone. Her fingers hovered over the keypad as she considered what to do. Call him? Text him? Surely she could text him. Right? Friends did that. Right?

Before she lost her nerve, Mary typed out a message and hit send. She stared at her message, hoping it came off as nonchalant as she wanted it to.

 _'Heard about a new restaurant in town. Want to try it with me?'_

The buzzing of her phone in her hand startled her. It had taken him less than a minute to respond.

 _'Sounds like fun.'_

* * *

"I'm so glad we did this. I was going cross-eyed staring at my work." Matthew laughed, holding open the door to the restaurant for Mary to enter.

"I figured you would be willing to try something new. No one else wanted to." She stopped before the hostess. "Two please."

"So I'm your last resort, am I?" Matthew held a hand to his heart, feigning a wounded expression. "That hurts."

"I can tell." Mary said dryly, taking note of his smile.

"Really. I can't believe you would take advantage of me like this. I thought we were friends."

"Oh, shut it." Matthew laughed at that, taking the menu from the hostess as she sat them at a table.

"I guess I can deal with it. That's what friends are for, right?" He looked over the menu and Mary took it as a sign that she didn't need to respond. What could she say to that anyway?

* * *

Mary stared at her mobile considering what to do. An open message screen was open and she seriously considered texting Matthew. After all, he had said they were friends. And friends went to lunch together all the time. So her texting him to meet her was normal. Expected even. The last time they met up had gone well. So why was she so unsure?

Grabbing her phone, she messaged him quickly before she could lose her nerve. Tossing her mobile aside, she tried to return to the readings she needed to do. Her fingers clasped and unclasped the highlighter in her hand repeatedly which was the only sign of her anxiousness. She couldn't focus on anything for more than a few moments at a time, her attention constantly drawn to her mobile as she waited for his response.

When her phone finally chimed with a new message twenty minutes later, she gave up any pretense of getting work done.

 _'Sorry. Appt w/ tutor. I'd love to. Where?'_

Mary felt the coil of nervous energy that had settled in her chest ease slightly. She hesitated in replying, knowing that the restaurant she wanted to try wasn't exactly something he liked.

 _'I want to try something new.'_

She tapped her fingers against her thigh as she waited for his reply.

 _'Sounds good to me.'_

* * *

"You know my feelings about sushi, Mary." Matthew said warily as he followed her into the restaurant.

"They have other food here." She assured him. "You'll like it."

"I doubt that but I'm here and I'm hungry so I have little choice." Matthew sighed as the hostess led them to a table. He took a seat across from her and studied the menu, all of which was in Japanese. "Lovely." Matthew muttered as he looked up at her. Mary couldn't help but laugh.

* * *

"I want you to try something." Mary interrupted Matthew as he told her about his meeting with his advisor but he took it in stride.

"I am. I'm here." He narrowed his eyes at Mary's innocent expression. "No." He knew that look. He knew exactly what that meant. And he didn't like it.

"I watched superhero movies for you." Mary's eyes narrowed.

"That is so not an equivalent to this." Matthew denied, leaning back in his chair.

"Just close your eyes and open your mouth." She insisted and part of her was surprised when he did. Picking up a piece of sushi, she fed it to him and waited for his reaction as he ate it.

"That's actually good." He said with surprise as he opened his eyes. "What was it?"

"Tuna." She picked up her own piece to eat.

"Huh." Matthew considered it for a moment. "It's good."

"I told you —"

"So. I know." He laughed, allowing her her moment of triumph. And that's when it hit her. This was exactly how they were three years ago. Maybe they had been friends after all? Maybe they could be friends still?

* * *

 **AN: Lots of Mary and Matthew in this one, what do you think? Are they friends? Were they ever? Do you love me for posting so quickly? Hate me to posting so quickly? I'd love to hear any and all that you think. :) Until next time...(which you know, is probably like a day or two lol).**


	13. Chapter 12

**AN: Trigger warning. There is a rehashing of "what happened" in this chapter.**

* * *

It had been a few weeks since Mary's first (and then second) appointment with Dr. Carson and she no longer dreaded it as she used to. She found it rather cathartic now, if she were being honest. The walk to his office each week was easier and easier to make and had become routine. She had even found a nice place to grab a coffee before her appointment. Every week she would leave for her appointment, get a coffee to settle her nerves and meet with Carson. It was routine. It was simple.

For the first few minutes of this session she had been sitting in silence, but it was very unlike the other times she stayed silent. Now it was because she had nothing to say, not because she didn't want to say anything. Dr. Carson didn't seem to mind, using the quiet to look through his notes on her. She had never actually seen him write anything on that pad of paper he kept nearby, but looking at him now, he had pages of notes. Was she really that verbose?

"May I ask you something?" Carson finally ended the silence. Mary nodded after a beat.

"Why did you first come to see me?" It was the same question from her first appointment and it startled her. She had been expecting something about Anna or Matthew. Tony, even, though he was a rare topic of conversation between them. Not this.

"My friends suggested it." She felt very much like a criminal maintaining an alibi. Consistency was key.

Carson didn't seem satisfied by that answer. "From what I gather, you talk to your friends about almost everything. But they suggested you talk to someone else. Why?"

"Anna believes that there are events in my past which require more introspection." She deliberately left out Matthew's own insistence that she do the same. If she were going to broach this topic again, Matthew couldn't be a part of it. He was already so wrapped up in it in her own thoughts.

"You don't agree." Carson was determined to get the bottom of it, backing her into a corner where all she could do was answer his questions. There would be no swaying him. Didn't mean she would try though.

"The past is the past." Mary bit the inside of her lip as she watched Carson consider her words. To her own ears that had seemed blasé and she almost believed what she was saying. Almost.

"What is in the past?" Carson didn't seem to agree, plowing through her nonchalant behavior.

"My cousin and his friend died." She turned in her chair, refusing to meet his eye as she spoke. Her eyes focused on the window at the far side of the room and the blue sky beyond it. The exact opposite of the sky that was now starting to creep into her memory. That sky had been just as beautiful, full of stars. It was odd the things she did and didn't remember from that night.

"I'm sorry for your loss." He did sound genuinely sorry, but it let a bitter taste in her mouth. People always think kindly on the dead, something she had come to learn very well. But not all people deserved that revision on their life. Some people were just bad and even death couldn't pardon them.

"Don't be. They weren't the most upstanding individuals you would ever meet." Even to her own ears, it sounded harsh, but at this point there was no use hiding it. Carson would find out all soon anyway. Still, she couldn't meet his eye. She couldn't handle the looks she knew were to come soon. The same looks that Matthew had gifted her when she told him. It would change everything. Carson would never look at her the same way again. Matthew never had.

"You sound angry." He had picked up on her tone, not that she was surprised. "You weren't close then, I take it?"

"We used to be. Before." Her life had been much simpler back then. So very different from the mess it was now. Why is it that as children all you wish to be is an adult, but once you get there, you realize it isn't all its cracked up to be?

"What happened to change that?"

"We found out about our inheritances. I was nine. He was ten." It's strange how one moment in her life could lead to so much trouble. One utterance of ' _Mary, you inherit Downton'_ and her life was forever changed.

"I take it your cousin didn't take it well."

"He didn't. Patrick, well…he didn't." She had wondered once, what her life would have been like had Patrick been the son and her, the cousin. Surely, it would be less complicated but it didn't do any good to consider what ifs.

"Patrick held it against you." Mary just nodded at his statement because that was putting it mildly. Patrick blamed her. For what, she didn't know. Perhaps for being born?

"He became mean, cruel at times." She clarified when Carson didn't say any more.

"So he was cruel to you?"

"No. He was kind." She all but cried out before biting down on her lip. "I should have known because after five years of anger, he became nice." Shame flooded her as she was reminded of her own stupidity. She had been so very stupid. So very stupid and naive.

"I was fourteen when they came to spend the summer with us. And after five years, I was surprised when Patrick was nice to me. Even more so when his friend, Kemal, was as well."

"He had a change of heart then." Carson sounded optimistic. Mary had felt that same way back then. How stupid she had been.

"No. He didn't." Mary shook her head, taking a breath in through her nose and letting it out slowly through her mouth to calm her nerves. "It happened on their last night staying with my family. We were celebrating. I had drank some champagne after dinner and wanted to go watch the stars. The boys, well, they were more than accommodating." Mary watched as the blue sky slowly turned gray, the clouds moving in to cover the sun. The once bright light that had filtered in through the window turned dim causing Mary to finally look away.

"Kemal had been flirting with me and I played right into it." She remembered the butterflies that had erupted in her stomach at each one of his smiles. At the time they were exhilarating. Now, when she remembered those smiles, those butterflies lay dead. "They grabbed two bottles of the champagne and we went outside." Carson stayed silent as she searched for the words to continue.

"I can't be sure when it was that one of them spiked one of the bottles, but I assume they did. I drank more champagne and laid down on the grass. The next thing I knew, Kemal was over me. It's all a bit hazy after that to be honest." Bits and pieces floated back to her. How she had tried to push away his arm, only for his stronger hands to bat hers away. How she had resisted his lips as they brushed across her skin. She didn't want to remember these things; she wanted it to be as blank as what came next, but there they were. She couldn't even drink champagne anymore. The bubbly liquid more like acid whenever she tried to drink it.

"I found proof of what had happened in the grass after I woke up. The garden's watering system had turned on and I was slowly being drenched." Even now, the sound of the system cycling on could send a shiver of dread down her spine.

"When I went inside to sleep, I found even more proof in an envelope on my pillow." She had burned the contents of that envelope not long after Patrick's funeral. Watching until they all became ash in her fireplace. After all, like that riddle about a tree falling in a forest, if there wasn't proof, it didn't happen. Right?

"What happened to you." It didn't come out as a question. Carson seemed to want her to put words to it.

"Kemal took advantage of me." It was the first time Mary had ever said it in those words. In any words. The last time she had spoken of this tale, to Matthew, she had let him draw his own conclusions. "And then he died a year later. With Patrick."

"How did they die?"

"They were racing and crashed their car. I think there may have been alcohol involved but that's all been hushed up." Mary wouldn't be surprised if drugs had been as well. She wouldn't put anything past those two. Mary stared at a point over Carson's shoulder as she remembered those days. The fake sympathy she had to muster for days on end. It had been exhausting.

"But like I said earlier. It's in the past." She forced herself out of her introspection. The memories could drown her if she let them. But she never let them. Instead, they were wrapped up night and tight, buried away where she didn't have to think of it.

"The past can haunt you."

"I am not haunted by it." She wasn't. She didn't think of it most days. It wasn't as if anyone else really knew about it. Save Matthew, and now apparently Anna. "I have come to terms with my role in it and moved on."

"And what was your role in it?" Carson sounded concerned, but she couldn't understand why.

"It was my fault. I allowed myself to be put in that situation. I encouraged Kemal. I was drinking." She ticked them off on her fingers. "None of it would have even happened had I rebuffed Kemal throughout the day."

"You believe this is your fault?" He sounded as incredulous as Matthew had when she told him. "You were the victim of rape."

"I am not a victim. And its not rape when you encourage them." Victim implied that she was fragile. Weak. And she wasn't. She _wasn't._

"Mary, let me ask you this. Did you, or did you not, tell him no or try to stop him before it happened?" Mary remembered shaking her head, trying to move him away, but she didn't say it out loud. "A lack of consent means it was rape." Mary hated that word. She had never said the word herself, that's how much she detested it. It reminded her of all those statistics and Mary did not want to be a statistic.

"It was still my fault." Carson just sighed and shook his head.

"Why was it your fault and not his?"

"I allowed myself to be put in that position. If I had been smarter, I wouldn't have gone outside with them."

"Mary, I think you are confusing causation with correlation."

"What do you mean?"

"Causation is when one thing causes another. Correlation is when two things could be related. In this situation, you drinking and possibly being drugged is related to what happened. It isn't what caused it. What caused it was Kemal deciding to commit the act." Carson waited for Mary to say something, but continued when nothing was forthcoming. "It wasn't your fault."

"But —"

"Mary, it wasn't your fault." Carson repeated.

Mary felt tears well up and slip down her cheeks before she could catch them. "It feels like it was though." It was the first tears she had shed about this since that night. Carson didn't comment, instead handing her a box of tissues and allowing her to compose herself before speaking again.

"It wasn't." Carson repeated. "It absolutely wasn't."

"It wasn't my fault." Mary repeated back to him. They sounded nice.

Too bad she knew it wasn't true.

* * *

 **AN: Any and all opinions in this chapter do not reflect my own. I personally don't like that in canon she accepted responsibility for what happened (cause, you know, he coerced her), so this is how I see it happening in a modern setting.**


	14. Chapter 13

Her heels clicked on the marble floors as Mary walked through the front door of the restaurant. It was unusually crowded, well dressed women milling about, making small talk. Mary would hazard a guess that it more gossip than small talk, but she could never say so out loud. Instead, she focused on the sound of her heels on the marble, ignoring the increasingly loud buzz of the women around her. She could see her mother seated at a table inside, so she ignored the hostess stand and make her way over towards her.

"Mary! You're here!" Mary forced a smile to her face as she joined her mother.

"Of course, Mama." She pressed a kiss to her mother's cheek in greeting. She had been invited (more like commanded) to come after all. "Is it just the two of us?" Table was set for five, but there was only two of them seated. There was clearly a need for seating, if the lobby was any indication, so why were their three extra seats?

"No, no." Cora, shook her head. "Your sisters are joining us, along with Tony's mother."

"You invited Tony's mother." Mary said slowly, running through the reasons why in her head. Surely this wasn't some sort of planning meeting, was it?

"I was talking to Maria the other day, saying how I was getting my girls together for a day out and just looked so wistful that I had to invite her. She never got to experience something like this, with only her husband and son." Cora smiled, like spending an excruciating hour pretending to be civil was fun. "Plus, it won't be long until she is family anyway." She said the last part in a whisper, winking at Mary as if she were in on the secret.

"Hello Mama." Edith and Sybil's appearance stopped Mary from rolling her eyes. "Mary." Edith's greeting was slightly chilly towards her older sister and she moved to take the seat on the other side of her mother. Mary was glad for that.

"Mary!" Sybil's greeting was more enthusiastic, as she pulled her up for a hug before sitting down next to her. "Its been so long. I've missed you at school."

"I've missed you too, Sybil." She had. Sybil had been the bright spot of having to transfer schools during her last year. Part of her had missed being able to see her everyday. The larger part of her was happy that that phase of her life was behind her. "Maybe you should come home on holidays instead of jetting off every chance you get." She teased, smiling.

Sybil's face scrunched up at that. "I'm not jetting off. I'm helping those in need!"

"I know." Mary patted her hand. "You and your causes." She teased again. Honestly, Mary was proud of Sybil. She stuck up for what she believed in. It was commendable.

"Maybe you should come with me next time." Sybil shot back. "I'm headed to Africa next."

"Really, Sybil." Cora frowned, interrupting their conversation. Edith frowned as well. "Must you go somewhere so dangerous?"

"It isn't. And anyway, I'm just helping to build some schools." Sybil tried to downplay it, but Cora didn't look convinced.

"Hello, ladies." It was Maria. Mary wanted to sigh at her appearance, but she couldn't. It had served to break the starring match between Sybil and her mother, like nothing else could.

"Maria, I'm so glad you could make it." Cora smiled brightly as she took her seat. Right across from Mary.

"I'm so happy that you invited me." Maria looked at Mary head on. "What are we talking about?"

"I was -" Sybil began but Mary pinched her leg beneath the table. Sybil seemed to understand and stopped mid sentence.

"Nothing really. Just places to go shopping after." Cora supplied.

"Sounds perfect." Maria met Mary's eye again. "After all, Mary must need a new dress."

Mary had just taken a sip from her water glass and had to fight from coughing. "Excuse me?" She said as soon as she swallowed.

"Didn't Tony tell you? I gave him four tickets to the benefit in two weeks. He said was going to tell you."

"He hasn't." Mary sighed internally. She did not want to go to another benefit event.

Maria assumed Mary's unenthusiastic response was irritation. "Don't blame him. I just gave them to him yesterday. I told him to invite some friends too." She winked like that made it better. "Which reminds me, Cora, you are going to the planning meeting Saturday, right?"

As Cora responded, Mary tuned them out. Looks like she had an event to go to. Was this what her life was going to be like once Tony proposed?

"At least it's for charity." Sybil said quietly as she looked over the menu.

"I'd much rather go to Africa with you." Mary said in return and Sybil bit her lip to keep from laughing. She wasn't succeeding. Edith narrowed her eyes at them.

"What are you two talking about?" Her question caught their mother's and Maria's ear as they both turned to them.

"The menu." Mary tried to cover it up, but Edith wasn't fooled.

"Sybil is blushing." That observation only caused Sybil to blush more.

"Fine. It was about a boy she fancies. Happy?" Mary snapped, meeting Edith's eye. Sybil kicked her under the table.

"A boy? What boy?" Cora brightened at that tidbit. "Is it Larry?"

"Larry who?" Sybil seemed confused.

"Grey, of course." Cora replied, as if there were no other Larry that existed.

"No Mama." Sybil denied, hiding her face behind her menu.

"Oh, to be young and in love." Maria sighed, looking off into the distance. "Isn't it just the most wonderful feeling?" Cora couldn't help but agree. "I wish I could go back to that time. When everything was new."

"Is there something you aren't telling us, Maria?" Cora asked, leaning toward the table slightly as if that would make Maria tell her something secretive.

"No, no. Sybil just reminded me of how I was when I met John. Oh, don't misunderstand me, I love him still, but when I first met him, it was just blissful."

"Same with Robert and I." Cora smiled, and Mary withheld from rolling her eyes. She knew for a fact that there had only been moderate affection between her parents when they were married. Maybe they did love each other now, but definitely not then.

"You know, I didn't even care if we didn't do anything. I was just happy talking to him. That's how I knew it was love." She smiled, staring at nothing. "Now, all he wants to talk about is the market." Maria laughed, shaking her head. "Slightly less interesting. But I listen anyway, because it's important to him."

Neither Cora nor Maria seemed to notice that Sybil was glaring at her sister. Mary tried to convey without words how sorry she was. "Mary, you must understand what I mean." The sound of her name drew her attention back to the table's conversation.

"I'm sorry?" Mary looked between the two women who looked back at her expectantly. She hadn't exactly been paying attention to the conversation.

"Maria was explaining how she knew she loved John." Edith supplied. "Is it the same for you?" Edith smiled slightly, knowing that she had caught Mary unaware.

"Oh." Mary didn't know what to say in response. Bits about listening and not interesting filtered through as she sorted out the conversation she had actively ignored, but she didn't know what to say in response.

"I get it. You don't want to talk about my son like that with me." Maria reached across the table as if to pat her hand. "I understand completely."

The conversation continued on without her, as Edith steered them away from subjects such as Mary's love life. For once, Mary was glad for Edith's interference. She didn't want to talk much about it either.

* * *

"How was lunch with your mother?" Anna asked after Mary came home and settled next to her on the couch. She had a movie paused on the screen, some shot of a superhero fighting the villain.

"She invited Tony's mother." Mary settled her head upon her fist.

"I thought you liked Maria?"

"I do. But she all but said that I was young and in love."

"Ah." Anna understood, and Mary was reminded just how much she appreciated her.

"Right."

"Too bad she didn't realize that you aren't in love with her son, but rather, his friend."

"Right." Mary agreed automatically before comprehending the rest of Anna's statement. "Wait, what?"

"You heard me."

"I am not in love with Matthew." Mary denied, turning to face her. Her feelings for Matthew were complicated. She knew she felt something for him, but what exactly that was, she didn't know.

"It's funny how you immediately jumped to him. I didn't mention any names."

"Don't be coy." Mary wasn't in the mood for head games.

"Alright. Honesty then." Anna crossed her legs as she settled in for a fight. "You don't love Tony."

"I am aware of my own feelings Anna." Mary was tempted to leave the room. She would have, but she knew that Anna would only follow her.

"Clearly, you aren't. Because then you wouldn't have denied something that is so obviously true."

"I don't see what's so obvious about it. Because it isn't true." Mary denied again.

"I'm not going to spend the night debating this. Just think about it, okay?" Anna grabbed the remote for the television, ending the discussion. Mary continued to sit there as she mulled over Anna's words. "Are you going to watch this with me?"

"Might as well. If not with you, Matthew will only force me to later." Mary replied, causing Anna to smile. Mary obviously wasn't paying attention to the action on the screen, but Anna didn't mind. She had given her a lot to think about.

* * *

Her bedroom was still dark when Mary woke the next day. Not long after the movie had ended, Mary had left Anna to her own devices as she retreated to her room.

Sleep hadn't come easy. She had wrestled with the suggestions of both Anna and Maria, but hadn't come to a conclusion. The one thing she did know was that she didn't have the first idea what love was. It wasn't as if she had a ton of experiences with it, if any.

So the fact that she was now awake and it was still dark didn't take her by surprise. Glancing at her alarm clock, she muffled a groan into her pillow. She still had an hour before she needed to be up. Going back to sleep was pointless, because, just her luck, just as she managed to fall asleep, she would need to be awake. No, she was awake now, for good.

The questions she had been grappling with as she fell asleep last night returned in full force as she woke fully, reminding her that she still had no better answer to them. No doubt, Anna would ask her about it at some point and it wouldn't do not to have an answer.

But what did she know about love? What did anyone?

Tony obviously fancied himself in love with her. What was his definition?

Anna believed she was in love with Matthew. If that were true, she wasn't defining it like Tony was. Maybe she should ask her?

The quiet of the early morning was broken when Mary heard Anna messing with something in another room. Now was her chance; she would get her answer.

* * *

"Morning." Mary greeted her friend as she dumped coffee grinds into a filter.

"Morning." Anna yawned in response. "Coffee'll be done soon." She plugged the filter into the machine and watched as dark liquid began to drip into the pot.

"Good." Mary spread her hands out on the counter in front of her. "Can I ask you something?" Anna just shrugged as she moved towards the toast she had prepared. Mary took that as a yes. "What are you defining as 'in love'?"

Anna was silent for a long time, so long that Mary thought she hadn't heard her. "You are yourself with him." She didn't look up from what she was doing. "And you're happy. He makes you happy even when he is clearly driving you crazy."

"So you assume that means I love him." Mary didn't need to explain who the him was. Anna knew.

"Yes." The coffee machine beeped and Anna grabbed two mugs. "With Tony, you smile and nod, but ultimately, you are pretending. And he doesn't notice because he likes that. You actually talk to Matthew. Spar with him, would probably be more apt, but still. It's like you two can't have a conversation without some sort of disagreement."

"Its because he's infuriating." Mary explained, taking the coffee Anna offered to her.

"And that." Anna pointed, standing in front of her.

"My face?"

"You are smiling." Anna observed. "So that is why I know you are in love with Matthew. Do you need me to go on?" Anna grabbed her breakfast and sat at the table, prepared for Mary to fight her.

"No." Mary shook her head, joining her. "But it isn't enough."

"I could give you —" Anna began but Mary cut her off.

"You're right. I'm in love with Matthew." The realization of that fact hadn't hit her as so shocking, more as tragic. "But it doesn't change anything."

"It changes everything, Mary."

"It doesn't. It doesn't change anything." Mary stared down into her coffee, unable to meet her friends eye. "Thanks for the coffee." Mary could feel Anna's eyes on her back as she left the room.

* * *

"What is wrong with you?" The question flew past her lips without conscious thought. She hadn't meant to make a detour towards where he was working but as soon as she had spotted him in the library, her feet seemed to take her towards him. But now that she was standing before him, she couldn't help but be concerned. "Matthew?"

He let out a harsh breath between his teeth before finally looking up at her. "I'm fine."

"You're lying." Mary ignored his weak refusal, taking a seat next to him. "Tell me." She demanded softly, her concern for him bleeding through.

"It's gone. It's just all gone." He finally said, rubbing his hands through his hair before settling them on the back of his neck. The action made his hair stick up in all directions and Mary found herself patting it down without realizing it. Matthew didn't seem to notice her slip, so she pulled her hand back quickly.

"What's gone?"

"My thesis." He scrubbed his hands over his face. "My entire time at university has just disappeared. I may as well have never matriculated."

"It isn't that bad." Mary tried to reassure him. The bleakness in his voice took her by surprise. She couldn't help but feel upset for him. "Surely, it isn't that horrible."

The look Matthew shot Mary after her attempt to comfort him only made her feel worse.

Mary stood. "Come on. Let's go." She closed his laptop and slipped it into the bag at his feet along with all his other materials. "Matthew." She smiled softly at him, looping her arm with his and pulling him from the room.

"Where are going?" Matthew's voice was flat as they navigated their way out of the library.

Mary didn't answer right away. She hadn't actually thought that far ahead. "My flat." She finally decided. "I think you could use some tea."

* * *

"Thank you." Matthew smiled tightly, accepting the mug from Mary as she took a seat beside him. Together, they sipped on their drinks in silence.

Mary was the first to break the quiet. "Have you emailed your supervisor yet? Maybe you'll get an extension."

"Computer failure isn't considered a valid excuse for an extension." Matthew replied sadly. "It's my fault for not having a back up." He titled his head back, draining the last dregs of his tea.

"That doesn't seem fair." Mary shook her head, taking Matthew's cup from him and moving back towards the kitchen for a second cup.

Matthew chuckled humorlessly. "Life isn't fair." He met her eye, and Mary wasn't sure what she saw there. She had never seen Matthew look so…so…absolutely forlorn. She continued to hold his gaze until he looked away.

"It's a shame you didn't download that software that automatically backed things up." Mary handed him his once again full mug and reclaimed her seat.

"What software?" Matthew muttered around the rim of the mug.

Mary turned to face him, propping her head on her closed fist. "That one from freshers week. The IT guy installed it on my computer."

"Freshers…" Matthew trailed off. He looked confused for a moment before practically leaping from the couch. "Mary." He looked excited, almost euphoric. "I could kiss you."

"What?" She blurted out, eyes wide. Her lips curled into a smile before she caught herself. But her expression was lost on him as he rushed towards his bag and retrieved his laptop.

"That software! I had it installed too. Maybe it…" Matthew quickly clicked through his computer, typing just as quickly sporadically. "It's here. It's here!" He jumped up, waving his laptop around. "Not all of it." He added upon further inspection. "I only lost the last ten pages. But Mary!" The smile that spread across his face was so bright it could have rivaled the sun. "Thank you." He leaned in close and pressed a kiss to her cheek. His lips lingered longer than what would be considered platonic, but Mary wasn't about to point that out. "I need to go and finish it." Then he was gone. The only sign that he had been there was his tea cooling on the table.

Mary, meanwhile, hadn't moved. She watched the door shut behind him before finally getting up to lock it. Her fingers settled on her cheek, as if they could feel the impression left by his kiss. And then she realized what she had let happen.

This was the answer she had been searching for for months. Carson had asked the wrong question. It wasn't a matter of whether she wanted to be friends with Matthew but rather if she could.

Tonight proved that she couldn't.

Because for that split second before Matthew's lips met her cheek, Mary had seriously considered turning her head so he would meet her lips instead.

No, she couldn't be just friends with Matthew. How could she when she wanted so much more?

* * *

 **AN: So...what do you think?**


	15. Chapter 14

"What about this one?" Anna lifted a dress from the rack for Mary to consider. Mary tilted her head in contemplation before shaking her head.

"It's too…much. Here, try this." She handed Anna the dress she had been looking at.

"I don't know." Anna held the dress away from her body.

"Trust me." Mary all but pushed her towards a dressing room. Anna rolled her eyes, but allowed Mary to guide her. "And hurry. We still have to go meet my mother for tea."

"Why do you look like you sucked on a lemon?" Anna poked her head around the curtain of the dressing room. "It was nice of her to invite us when she knew we were coming into town."

"You'll see why when we get there. Now change." Mary dismissed her, flicking through a nearby rack of dresses.

"Fine." Anna disappeared again to try on the dress. She refused to believe that tea was going to be that bad.

* * *

"Oh, that's such a shame." Cora tutted sympathetically as she poured tea for the group.

"It really is." Maria agreed. "When I heard the news, I was positively shocked."

Mary took the tea cup her mother offered her and busied herself with fixing it correctly to keep from having to respond. It was gossip, something she loathed and promised never to partake in. It was all too easy for the gossip to turn against you. Apparently, her mother and Maria didn't agree.

"Anna, would you like some biscuits?" Cora offered, holding out the plate.

"Thank you." Anna took one of the proffered treats and set it down on her plate. Cora smiled in response before returning to her conversation with Maria.

"I wouldn't eat that." Mary cautioned her friend as she spied Anna considering it.

"Why not? It looks fine." Anna lifted the biscuit, inspecting it.

"My mother made them. And I inherited my culinary skills from her." Anna was quick to drop it, much to Mary's amusement.

"You've been getting better in the kitchen." Anna smiled, lifting her tea cup to her lips.

Mary just smiled ruefully. "Well, when one is at rock bottom, there is only room to get better." Anna took a breath to respond but was stopped when Maria spoke again, to them this time.

"Too true, Mary. Too true." She shook her head as if this was a tragic idea.

Cora continued on in the vein. "Douglass will be able to start over. And Chelsea, well, she will be happy with her tennis instructor."

"But divorce?" Maria's brow furrowed. "I've never quite liked the idea that marriage could end in divorce. No one in my family has ever done so."

Anna looked to Mary in confusion. She had no idea what they were discussing and was getting increasingly lost by the minute. Mary saw her look, but just shook her head. It hadn't taken her long to figure out what the they were talking about. It was a classic piece of gossip. Someone cheated on someone, said someone caught them, now the two were getting divorced. It was almost like a formula, just plug in the appropriate names. "She made her choice."

"That sounds so final. Chelsea made a bad choice but surely it shouldn't change anything." Maria disagreed.

"Don't we all have to live with the choices we make?" Anna watched as Maria and Cora tried to dispute her words but Mary didn't say anything else. None of them asked for Anna's input and she was glad. She had nothing to add.

* * *

"Do you really believe what you said? About that Chelsea woman?"

"Of course." Mary was distracted as she tried to navigate the dark roads.

"You think that just because she made a bad judgment call that she should be cast out?" Anna hoped that Mary didn't see through her attempts to clarify her stance. She could only imagine the response she'd get if Mary knew what she was after.

"Like I said. Chelsea made her choice. Now she has to live with it." Mary pulled to a stop at a traffic light and turned towards her friend. "Since when do you care about a woman you don't know and her divorce?"

"I don't. I was curious is all."

"Curious." Mary didn't sound convinced. "Anna. What are you really after?"

Anna knew this was the tipping point. She could lie and Mary would drop it. Or, she could tell the truth and face the consequences of Mary's ire. The first option was tempting but she abhorred lying. Especially to her friends.

The words tumbled out of her mouth before she could stop them.

"Your choice to accept Tony isn't the same as Chelsea cheating on her husband. You don't have to live with it for the rest of your life."

The second option is was then.

Her statement was met with silence. Mary just looked at her as she pulled into her parking spot near their flat. "It isn't the same. You aren't even really with Tony and certainly not legally bound. All you have to do is end the charade." More silence. But Anna was undaunted. If Mary wouldn't speak, Anna was more than happy to do it for her. "I'm sure that you think staying with Tony is the right thing to do. But you can change it. Before it's too late."

"I have to live with the choice I made." Mary pushed open the car door, slamming it shut behind her as she moved towards the door to their home. All the hope Anna had been harboring about Mary and Matthew seemed to deflate like a balloon. For some reason, Mary had resigned herself to stay with Tony. The question still remained though, for Anna. Why?

* * *

"Are you sure its okay that we crash here?" Anna asked again. She had been asking from the moment that Tony had open the door to his parent's flat ten minutes prior. She held up the edge of her floor length gown, almost as if she released it, it would damage the floor. Tony just shook his head and handed her a flute of champagne he had just poured.

"Yes. They gave me the keys for this reason." Anna still wasn't sure but took the alcohol that he was offering anyway. "When they gave me the tickets to the benefit, they also gave me the keys." Tony patted her shoulder. "Mary?" He held up another flute for her but she held up the one in her hand in response. Nodding, he drifted away to where Matthew was mixing his own drink.

Anna moved further into the space, taking a seat next to Mary as she stared out the floor to ceiling windows. "Wow. This is an amazing view."

"It really is." Mary agreed, sipping at her own drink. Anna looked at Mary's drink and then her own. From far away, it had seemed exactly like what Tony had offered her, but up close, there was something, off, about it. Looking between the two glasses, a few times, it finally hit her. They were different. Mary's wasn't as…bubbly.

"Is there something wrong with your drink?" Anna asked, catching Mary off guard.

"No. Why do you ask?" Mary purposefully took another sip to prove it.

"It just doesn't look as, well, bubbly." Anna held up her own flute for comparison.

"Mine's been out longer is all." Mary explained quickly.

"Oh." Anna didn't exactly believe her story but decided to drop it.

"Hey, you two. Come here." Tony called out, pushing some chairs closer together. Matthew was helping him as he rearranged the furniture. "We're going to play a game."

"Must we?" Mary sighed, rising from the chair she had comfortably been sitting in.

"Nothing bad. Come on." Tony cajoled causing Mary to roll her eyes.

The foursome sat in the newly arranged space in silence, staring at each other as they all sipped at their drinks. All of them were still in their formal clothing from the benefit and if Anna had a camera, she would take a picture. They all looks ridiculous.

"Well?" Mary asked, annoyed. "You said you wanted to play a game." She clearly wasn't in a good mood, setting Anna on edge. Mary in a bad mood, with alcohol, well, that was a recipe for disaster.

"Never Have I Ever." Matthew supplied as Tony fixed Mary with a look.

"A drinking game? Seriously?" Mary's eyes shot to Matthew's.

"Will you relax? It'll be fun." Tony said exasperated. "Anna, you in?"

"Sure." Anna didn't have an issue with the game. Then again, she didn't have anything she felt the need to hide. And she knew for a fact that Mary did.

"Refill before we start?" Matthew stood, holding out his hand for their glasses. Mary handed hers over while Anna waved him off. Tony did the same. Matthew seemed to bypass the open bottle of champagne on the counter, opening the door to the refrigerator and pouring something which was hidden from sight. The oddness of it all made Anna curious, so she watched as Matthew handed Mary back her glass and they seemed to have a silent conversation.

"Ready?" Tony didn't seem to notice the looks between Mary and Matthew and Anna wasn't about to call attention to it. "Anna, you start." Tony's instructions caught her off guard so she scrambled to think of something.

"Oh, okay. Never have I ever, um, worn something worth more than a thousand pounds." Mary sighed as she drank, Tony doing the same.

"You just want to make me drink?" Mary's voice was teasing as she nudged her friend. Anna just laughed her off.

"Matt, your turn." Tony insisted, breaking off Anna's laughter.

"Okay. Never have I ever, kissed a man." Both Mary and Anna rolled their eyes as they drank, but sputtered when Tony drank as well.

"What?" Tony said defensively as he returned their looks of shock with one of exasperation.

"I think its story time." Mary drawled, causing both Anna and Matthew to nod. "Tony?"

"It was a dare." Tony tried to explain it away. "I was drunk…"

* * *

Anna had long since lost count of how much they had drank. She was was laughing too hard to focus on it. Since Tony's revealing story, it had only devolved from there. Each one of them tried to come up with something that would force the others to reveal something. Anna had learned things about Tony and Matthew she hadn't wanted to know.

The four of them were slumped into their chairs, waiting for the next person to speak. Well, Mary wasn't slumped in her chair, more like relaxed into it. And while Anna wouldn't say she was drunk, because she wasn't, Mary didn't seem even tipsy. She probably had a higher tolerance than her, she figured.

"Oh, I have one." Tony declared, sitting forward.

"Do your worst." Anna taunted, grabbing her glass.

"Never, have I ever, said the wrong name while in bed." Tony eyed the three with curiosity. Anna set down her drink, in the clear for this round. Mary just met his gaze head on. So when Matthew finally took a sip of his drink, Tony pounced.

"Dude. You didn't." Tony laughed, slapping his hand on Matthew's shoulder.

"I know. It didn't end well." Matthew sighed, rubbing his free hand over his face.

"I can imagine." Tony was still laughing. "Who'd it happen with?"

"Tony, you can't ask that!" Mary swatted at his arm, but Tony ignored her.

"Its fine. Lavinia." Matthew supplied and Tony only laughed harder.

"Poor girl." Anna shook her head, even though she was laughing as well.

"I set you up with her!" Tony finally realized, gasping. "Damn. She was a nice girl."

"She was." Matthew agreed, shaking his head. It was then that he caught sight of Mary's look. She had stayed silent since he had revealed the name, her lips slightly pursed.

"That's the last time I do that for you." Tony continued, oblivious to the fact that Matthew was no longer listening. "What name did you say?" Matthew met Mary's look head on as she waited for him to answer the latest question.

"My ex." Matthew said quietly, but Mary heard it clearly.

"The chick from your boarding school?" Tony continued, wanting to drag out Matthew's humiliation. He didn't realize that Anna had stopped laughing by now, still laughing himself.

"Yeah." Matthew took another sip of his drink for good measure before standing. "I'm gonna call it a night." He downed the last of his glass before leaving their little circle. Tony was quick to follow.

"Aw, man. I didn't mean any harm…" His voice trailed off as they left the room.

"Mary." Anna tried tentatively.

"I'm going to go bed." Mary said in reply.

"But, Mary, he -"

"I know." She took once last sip of her drink before abandoning the glass on the table. "Good night."

"Night." Anna said uselessly, watching Mary disappear into one of the bedrooms. Anna saw the light in the room go out, but she highly doubted that Mary was actually sleeping.

Because Anna knew what name Matthew had said while with Lavinia. Mary knew it too.

He had said 'Mary'.

* * *

 **AN: So things are moving along here...**


	16. Chapter 15

The dinner table was louder than normal, multiple voices weaving together into a cacophony of noise. Tony found he liked this better than the normally silent dinners he had with his and Mary's parents. They had become a fairly regular occurrence but usually it was just his mother and Cora speaking. Now, everyone was talking over each other and he found that much more convenient for the conversation he wanted to have.

"Father, I was thinking." Tony began as he sat across from him.

"About what?" His father asked politely as he accepted another serving of the meal from a servant.

"You know how we have a few positions open for university students? I think we should offer one to Matthew." His father looked at him in confusion before sighing.

"You know I don't like to hire like that. We have to be fair."

"Except for nepotism at the top." Tony muttered under his breath. "Look, Matthew's brilliant. We'd be lucky to get him to be honest."

Tony's father stared at him for a long moment before nodding. "Alright, forward me Crawley's information and I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you." Tony held back his grin.

"What Crawley?" Edith couldn't help but ask. From her position beside Tony she had been listening to the entire conversation. "A relative of ours?"

"No, no. My friend, Matthew. Apparently he just has your last name by coincidence."

"Matthew Crawley? Why does that sound familiar?" Edith asked aloud, searching through her memory. She knew she had heard that name somewhere before.

"He went to school with Mary." Tony supplied and then it clicked. _That_ Matthew Crawley. Mary turned toward the pair at the sound of her name.

"Who went to school with me?"

"Matt." Tony supplied again between bites of his meal, so busy eating that he missed Mary freeze in her chair. But Edith didn't. Nor did she miss the look he sister shot her. If looks could kill…

"Interesting." Edith said at last, breaking the stalemate with her sister and changing the topic.

* * *

Edith sat quietly as the rest of the dinner party filed into the sitting room. Her lips twitched into a smile when she saw Tony by himself. Her eyes strayed towards her sister, making sure she didn't notice what she was about to do.

"So you were saying something about a Matthew at dinner? The name sounded familiar." Edith sidled up to Tony, swirling her wine glass between her fingers before lifting it to her lips to take a sip. Tony looked over at her, confusion furrowing his brow.

"Yes. The chap that went to school with Mary." He looked away for a moment, accepting the glass of brandy that was handed to him by a servant. Edith looked over to Mary again. She was still distracted but Edith wasn't sure how long that would last.

"You mean her ex." Edith hurried out, just as Mary looked up and saw her standing with Tony.

"Her what? No." Tony shook his head.

"Well, the only Matthew I know that went to school with Mary was her boyfriend."

"Mary's never —"

"I've never what?" Mary interrupted, arms crossed over her chest.

"Had a boyfriend." Tony supplied, looking more confused than ever. His gaze flickered between the two sisters who seemed to be locked in some silent battle.

"I think it's time we headed back." Mary broke away first.

"Oh, so soon?" Edith's smile widened at the discomfort of Mary's expression.

"We should be going." Mary ignored her sister. "Tony?"

"Right." He looked between the two women before taking a step back. "I'm going to say goodbye to my parents." Tony walked away, eyes flashing back towards the sisters every few moments.

"Must you really?" Mary turned to Edith, jaw clenched.

"I didn't say anything that isn't true. Just because you happened to lie to the man…"

"I didn't lie." Mary said through her teeth.

"Lie by omission."

"Ready, Mary?" Tony trailed his hand over her exposed back.

"Yes. Goodbye Edith." Mary turned away, allowing Tony to guide her to the car.

* * *

Tony hadn't said anything as he handed her into his car and shut the door. The roads were dark and the car silent as he drove them back to campus. Mary prayed that it stayed that way.

Of course it didn't.

"You dated." Tony tested the words out, saying them slowly. Mary pressed her head against the back of her seat in frustration.

"You shouldn't listen to Edith." Mary avoided the question, turning her head towards the window.

"You dated Matthew. My friend, Matthew." Anger laced through his voice.

"What does it matter?" She huffed. "We are friends, too."

"But you dated."

"Do you want me to say the words?"

"Yes! Yes, I do!"

"Yes! We dated!"

"And you loved him?" Tony glanced at her as he weaved through the steadily thickening traffic.

"Of course, I love him." Mary retorted quickly before snapping her mouth shut. Her eyes widened as she realized what she said. Love. Present tense. Based on Tony's rigid posture, the word choice wasn't lost on him.

Oh, shit.

* * *

"I can't believe you didn't tell me." Tony waved his arms around, as if that further emphasized his point. He had been repeating that same sentiment ever since he had followed her to her door. Mary forced her key into the lock, hoping that once she crossed the threshold, he would stop, turn around and leave. That hope was in vain.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He all but shouted. "Do you know how foolish I felt —" He stopped, noticing Matthew and Anna on the couch. A movie was paused on the television screen as the pair watched Tony and Mary.

"Go home, Tony." Mary had yet to notice the audience. She threw her purse into a chair and whirled to face him. "Just, go home." Her words were lost on him though as his gaze focused on Matthew.

"You were supposed to be my friend!" He pointed an accusing finger and Matthew shrank back at the sign of his anger.

"I am your friend." Matthew held up his hands as if surrendering. "What's this about?"

"You dated!" Tony wildly gestured between a stoic Mary and a confused Matthew. "Edith told me!"

"Does your sister have a grudge against me or something?" Matthew ignored Tony for the moment, sighing as he turned towards Mary. He vaguely remembered it being Edith that caused their relationship to implode the first time around. Edith really did like to stick it to him. And he had never met her!

"More like she has something against me." Mary crossed her arms over her chest, standing between Matthew and Tony. "Go. Home."

"No! I need to know." Tony's harsh breathing was loud in the silent room. "Tell me. The truth for once." Tony directed his question to Matthew who stared back at him.

"We never lied to you." Mary answered for him, breaking the stand off. "It was a long time ago."

"Like hell it was." Tony brushed his hand over his face, dropping into a nearby chair. "You just said you love him." Matthew's eyes widened at that, looking towards Mary who had a thunderous look on her face. "And he's thinking about you while shagging another woman." Mary didn't have to look at Matthew's face to know he was blushing. When she finally did look over at him, he was trying very hard not to meet her eye. "You're quite the pair."

No one said anything for a while. Mary and Matthew were trying their hardest to ignore the tension in the room as Tony glared between them. Anna was tempted to end the stalemate but hesitated. Tony was like a spooked animal. Who knew what he would do if poked?

"I never had a chance." Tony finally was forced to vocalize, pure anger still apparent in his voice. The idea had been swirling in his mind since Mary all but confirmed her past with Matthew. He had been wondering why Mary had been so reticent to make things official and now he knew why. "You two deserve each other." He looked simultaneously heartbroken and pissed as he stood and moved towards the door.

"Tony, wait —" Mary tried to stop him, but Tony ignored her. The slamming of the door was her answer.

Mary looked back at Matthew and Anna took that as her cue to leave. Moving quickly, she grabbed what she needed and slipped from the room. Mary saw her go from the corner of her eye but didn't stop her. Her eyes flitted over to Matthew and saw him fidgeting where he sat.

"I should have warned you about Tony's dramatic side." Mary said with a small smile. She knew that Matthew would be rather upset by the debacle that had just occurred. He never did like the idea of being the source of someone else's pain. Except hers of course.

"Don't. Just don't. Not right now." Matthew pinched the bridge of his nose. "Not when I'm trying to understand what just happened." Mary pursed her lips but stayed silent.

"I need to change." The tight dress she had worn to dinner now felt like a corset, making it hard to breathe. Her secret was out, and he wasn't reacting in anyway to it. Maybe he really was over her?

"I'll go." Matthew brushed his hands over his thighs as he stood.

"Don't." Mary moved towards him, as if to stop him.

"We need to cool off. Process all this." He settled his hands on his hips. "We'll talk. Soon. I promise." His hand took her's briefly before he moved towards the door. There was a moment where he paused, and Mary almost asked him to stay.

But the moment passed. Mary was left watching him as he disappeared out the door.

* * *

It was five days before she saw him again.

She didn't exactly blame him. (Well, part of her did, but she buried that part.) Everything had happened just as the term got hectic and she knew he would be busy. But part of her wondered if he was just using that as an excuse. It was plausible enough.

So when she finally did see him again, it was completely accidental. She had been queuing to buy her morning coffee when someone stepped out from in front of her. And there he was, handing over his money for his own order. He looked up from sliding the notes into his wallet and he saw her.

"Oh, hello Mary." He was all smiles, but he didn't reach over to kiss her cheek as he had been doing before that night a few days ago.

"Matthew." She remained calm and collected on the outside, but on the inside she was a mess of doubt.

"How have you been?" She held up a finger for him to wait as she ordered her complicated drink. Matthew waited dutifully, stepping aside to let others by as the queue grew with the morning rush.

"Sorry about that." She apologized as she joined him in waiting for their drinks from the barrista.

"I understand." He continued to smile gently at her. "So, how have things been?"

"Busy." She laughed lightly, clasping her hands before her to keep them from fidgeting. "And you? Have you been alright?"

"Just busy revising." He accepted his drink as the barista set it down on the counter. "I've been meaning to call…" He trailed off, taking a sip of his drink.

"That's perfectly alright, Matthew." She assured him, even though it wasn't. It absolutely wasn't. He seemed to be able to tell.

"We need to talk." He nodded solemnly. "And we will." Mary didn't say anything to that, turning away from him as the barista called out her name. Taking her drink, she took a play from his book, taking a long sip to keep from speaking.

"Matthew, I think you've made yourself clear. And now if you'll excuse me." She turned on her heel but was surprised when she was stopped mid motion by a hand on her arm.

"Mary." His voice was soft, almost inaudible in the loud shop. "Please." Her eyes swept over his face, his slightly mused hair and whatever resolve she had to resist him crumbled.

"Yes. Fine." She was proud of the strength in her voice. She may have crumbled internally but on the outside she was still impenetrable.

He visibly perked up at that. "Good. Until then." He pressed his lips to her cheek as he slipped away, humming to himself. Against her better judgment, Mary smiled at his behavior. There would be no way she would be able to resist him when they talked. Absolutely no way.

* * *

Matthew hesitated by the door to Mary's flat. He was taking a risk just showing up as he was. Mary had agreed to talk to him, yes, but he assumed she would not like it sprung on her.

"Are you just going to stand there?" Anna asked from the doorway, arms crossed over her chest as she stared at him.

"No. Just give me a moment." He repeated what he planned to say to Mary in his head once more before turning to Anna.

"You ready now?" Anna seemed bemused with his behavior while simultaneously being unimpressed.

"Yes. She in her room?" He brushed passed her, entering the flat. He could see Anna's books scattered about but Mary was no where to be seen. For a moment he worried that she wasn't home. It would be his luck that when he finally makes his move, she isn't around to see it.

"Anna, do you know where I left that —." Mary stepped into the room, dress in hand. "Matthew. What are you doing here?" Clearly, she was getting ready to go somewhere.

"We have to talk." He crossed his arms over his chest and then realized that came off as too defensive. He dropped his arms to his sides, but it still felt wrong. "Can we talk?" He settled for shoving his hands in his pockets.

"I don't have long." Mary furrowed her brow and turned back down the hall. Matthew took that as his cue to follow.

"This won't take long." He stepped over the threshold to her bedroom and shut the door behind himself. Mary hung her dress up and faced him. They stood in silence for a few moments before Mary raised a brow at him.

"You wanted to talk." The way she said it felt like an accusation and internally, he panicked. He had thought about how this would go, imagined how it would go, and it wasn't going at all as he wanted it to.

"Did you really mean it?" He blurted out without context. Her look of confusion made it clear that she had no idea what he was talking about. "When you told Tony that you love me. Present tense."

"How do you know that?" She sat at the edge of her bed, eyes narrowed. Matthew sat next to her, forcing her to turn so that she could face him.

"I spoke to him. I wanted to talk to him before talking to you. That's why I didn't try earlier." He felt like he was babbling so he pressed his lips together to stop himself.

"I forgot to use the past tense is all."

"Is that all?" He slid one of his hands over here, squeezing her fingers gently.

"Matthew." She sighed. "What do you want me to say?"

"I don't want you to say anything. I just want you to know that it's entirely mutual." He wasn't sure when his other hand had come to cup her cheek but he noticed the way she leaned into his touch.

"Are you sure? Because you know things, you know what I bring with me. Don't tell me this if you aren't sure." His thumb stroked her cheek softly and her eyes fluttered at the sensation.

He considered her words for a moment, knowing deep down the truth in them. "I tried to stay away from you. I tried to have my own life. Now, I think it's time I stopped and tried with you." He looked into her eyes and saw her staring back at him. "You lived your life, and I've lived mine. Now it's time we lived it together." Her face broke into a smile, his doing the same.

"Say it properly." She demanded suddenly, still smiling.

"I love you." It felt so good to finally say the words, to let them break free from the cage he had long since locked them in. "I love you so very, very, much.

Mary tilted forward, resting her forehead against his as she let his words wash over her. "I love you too."

* * *

 **AN: YAYAYAYAY! Does this mean all is right and HEA? Well, sort of? There is more to come. Also, I truly love and appreciate all the reviews! I try to reply to all of them, but since I can't reply to guest reviews, just know that I read them all and they make me smile. Until next time!**


	17. Chapter 16

"Do you remember the last time we were like this?" Mary's voice came out muffled as she spoke into the soft cotton of his shirt. She could feel the muscles of his arms flex as he shifted beneath her before tightening his hold on her. They had somehow come to be laying on her bed, not that she minded.

"I can't say I do actually." Matthew finally admitted after searching his memory. The last days of their relationship from before hadn't exactly been something he wanted to remember. Until now that is. "Do you?"

"Mhmm." Mary pressed closer to him, angling her head so she could see his face. "After my parents dropped by."

"Oh." It was still a sore subject. Her parents. Who were still under the impression that she was almost engaged to Tony. They were going to have to deal with that.

"I know." Mary murmured, understanding his hesitance.

They sat in silence after that, the only sound the faint humming of the air conditioning as it cycled on and off.

"Tony understands." Mary broke the silence. "He's a good guy."

"I know." His fingers trailed down the arm she had splayed across his chest. Mary closed her eyes at the feeling, liking the faint tickling sensation. "I hope he knows we weren't anything while —"

"He knows." Mary insisted. "And anyway, he's in love with that girl. What's her name?"

"Mabel." Matthew supplies. "You do know that they only met ten days ago, right?" Mary just nods at that

"How fortunate for him." Mary says dryly and Matthew can't help but laugh with her. "He has a tendency to fall in and out of love."

"She seems nice enough." Matthew recalled meeting her and found nothing wrong with her. For his own selfish reasons though, he was sure he would like any woman Tony moved on with. It meant that he didn't have to feel guilty for all but stealing Mary.

"You didn't steal me." Mary scoffed, plucking at the collar of his shirt.

"I said that out loud?" He cringed.

"Yes. And you didn't steal me. I'm not a possession."

"I know. That's not what I —"

"I know." Mary hushed him. "Besides, Tony never loved me."

"Don't tell him that. He claims that you were his own Juliet. That he knew as soon as he met you." Matthew had to stifle the urge to roll his eyes when Tony had said that. Clearly, Tony didn't realize that Romeo and Juliet wasn't exactly a play about romance.

"I doubt that. He met me when I was six. And if he felt that way then, that is just strange." Mary curled into him as the room chilled with the air conditioning.

"When he saw you at university." Matthew felt her skin break into goosebumps and began to run his hands over her to warm her up. "If you are cold, we can get a quilt?"

"I'm okay here." She didn't feel like moving. She was too comfortable. "He didn't love me. He loved the idea of someone like me. And now he has Mabel who is even more desirable than I am."

"Now that I have to disagree with. There is no one in the world who is more desirable than you." Matthew said it with absolute sincerity that Mary felt her heart beat just that bit harder in her chest. It was going to take her time to be used to his sweet, sincere words without blushing. She could feel her cheeks heat up already.

"You don't need to flatter me. I'm already here." She teased causing Matthew to chuckle and distracting him from noticing her blush.

"It's the truth." His free hand came to rest beneath her chin, tipping it up so he could see her eyes. "You have no idea the power you have over me."

"No, I'm aware." Mary smirked back.

"Be merciful then." Matthew whispered before dipping his head to meet her lips with his own.

It was their first kiss since the melt down and Mary felt herself responding without a second thought. Her hand trailed up from his chest to twist in his hair, anchoring his lips to hers. Matthew's own hands held her closer so they were flush, separated only by the layers of clothing.

They were so lost in the sensation of their second first kiss that they missed the sound of her bedroom door opening and the surprised gasp of their intruder. It wasn't until there was a loud knock on her doorframe that she pulled away from Matthew, slowly opening her eyes to see Tony standing there.

"Didn't mean to interrupt. But my parents are on their way in and I thought —"

"Right." Mary nodded. "I'll be out in a moment."

"Okay." Tony dragged the word out as he closed the door behind him.

"I have to get ready." Matthew vaguely remembered noting that Mary looked to be on her way out when he arrived earlier.

"Alright." Matthew moved in for another kiss but Mary blocked him with her hand. He kissed the palm instead.

"See you out there?" She asked tentatively as she stood from the bed, as if she was afraid he would disappear.

"Of course." He stood himself and moved to the door, lingering as long as he could before allowing her to dress in peace. He tried to slow his steps to the room where he knew Tony was waiting. He wasn't relishing in having to sit with him as they waited for Mary. It was awkward enough the other night. He couldn't imagine how much worse it could get.

"Together already?" Tony began as soon as Matthew entered the room.

"Uh, not really." Matthew sat on the couch, rubbing his hands along his thighs as he sat.

"It seemed like it." There wasn't any malice in Tony's words although Matthew could have sworn he saw a glimmer of hurt in his expression.

"It wasn't intentional." It was the only explanation he had. He hadn't originally set out to kiss Mary at the beginning of the night but he wouldn't apologize for it.

"She never kissed me like that." Tony admitted breaking into Matthew's inner monologue. "When she would let me kiss her that is."

"I —". Matthew wasn't sure how to respond to that. Sorry? Of course she didn't? He fell silent instead.

"I know you love her. I can see it. Now that I am looking. But just know, if you mess up, I won't hesitate to try again."

"I'm not going to mess up." Matthew said firmly.

Tony searched Matthew's expression and whatever he found seemed to answer whatever questions he had lingering about the situation.

"Ready?" Mary finally emerged, throwing her wallet into her bag before grabbing her coat.

"Let's go." Tony naturally reached out to take her arm, but quickly retreated at her look.

"Where is it that you are going?" Matthew had to ask, as neither Mary nor Tony seemed to offer the information.

"Dinner with our parents. We're going to tell them the truth tonight." Mary said quickly as Tony glanced at his watch in frustration. Matthew had so many questions, but now wasn't the time. "I'll call you after." Mary turned to Matthew who stood to help ease her coat on to her shoulders.

"Okay." He pressed a kiss to her cheek before stepping back and allowing Tony to lead Mary out. Matthew watched them enter the car from Mary's flat before grabbing his bag and making his way home. His fingers tapped against his pocket to make sure his mobile was in there before he left Mary's. He wasn't going to miss her call.

* * *

Matthew had his television on low as he stared at the screen. He had made sure to raise the volume on his phone so that he could hear it over the white noise. It had been two hours since he had left Mary's place and he was expecting a call at any moment.

But when the phone rang, he was still startled.

"Hi." He didn't know what else to say. He knew it was Mary by the caller ID but she had yet to say anything.

"Hi. Can I come over?"

"Yeah. Of course." He jumped up from his couch. The place was a mess. He had papers scattered all around, dishes pilled up in the sink. It was times like this that he cursed his roommate. Tom wasn't exactly the neatest guy.

"Good. I'm outside." The line cut off as he heard the knock. Glancing once more at the mess, he sighed. There was nothing he could do about it now.

Pulling open the door, he couldn't help but smile at her. "Hey you." He pulled her into a hug, skimming a kiss to her forehead.

"Hi." Mary's arms wrapped around him, her fingers digging into his shoulder blades.

"How was dinner?" He stepped backwards into the room, towing Mary with him as she continued to hold on.

"Awful. It was awful." She finally murmured, stepping away from him. "I'm sorry to just drop by. I know I said I'd call." She dropped her hand bag on a nearby table before looking around. "You really have changed since school."

"It's Tom. He doesn't like to pick up after himself." Matthew frowned, shuffling his feet. "Let's go back to my room." He grabbed her bag and took a step further into the flat. "Coming?" He held out his hand for her. Mary didn't hesitate. She placed her hand in his and laced their fingers together. Matthew smiled softly at the gesture, leading her to his room. He flicked on the light and let her step over the threshold first.

"Now this is what I remember." She turned back to him. "A clean freak."

"I'm not a clean freak." He automatically disagreed, flopping onto his bed. "I just appreciate everything being tidy."

"I like your cleaning tendencies. It's much better than the alternative." She slowly made her way around the room, trailing her fingers over the furniture. Matthew watched in amused silence, leaning back on his hands.

"Are you done with your inspection?" He once again held out his hand. "Come here." Mary moved without a word, allowing Matthew to settle her in his lap. His arms automatically settled around her, holding her in place. Her fingers trailed into his hair as she leaned into him.

"You'll make me untidy." She complained, but it lacked any venom. She canted into him, holding him close.

"That's a risk I'm willing to take." Matthew whispered before pressing his lips to hers. He breathed her in, holding her close until actual air became necessary. He pulled back, nipping at her lip before moving away to meet her eye. "Did you want to talk? About tonight?" As much as he wanted to continue kissing her, he knew he couldn't kiss away what had happened tonight. Not that he wasn't willing to try.

"Not right now." Mary made the decision for him, pressing her lips against his again.

Matthew found that he was perfectly alright with that.

* * *

It had been so long since he had slept in the same bed as someone that when he woke with an arm draped over his chest, it took him a moment to remember what had happened. As the last vestiges of sleep cleared his mind, he also realized that he couldn't feel one of his arms. He shifted ever so slightly to try and restore blood flow, but the person resting on it protested at the movement.

"Stop. Sleep." The voice was groggy but he would recognize it anywhere.

"Mary." He turned on to his side, using his free arm to wrap around her waist. "My arm." Mary looked at him through slitted eyes before shifting off him and on to his pillow.

"Now sleep." Her eyes closed again as she pressed closer to his side.

"What if I don't want to sleep?" He whispered into her ear before pressing a kiss to her cheek. Mary tried to hide her smile against the pillow but he saw it anyway. "I don't think you do either."

Mary flipped on to her back, looking up into his bright smile. "How do you know if that's what I want?"

"Well. You're awake now, aren't you?" He shifted until he was hovering over her, resting his weight on his forearms. "And we have some time before either of us has to go to lecture…" He trailed off, leaning down to kiss her softly. He felt Mary trail her hands down his sides, pulling him down until they were flush. The soft cotton of the shirt he lent her was the only thing preventing them from being skin on skin.

"What time is it?" Mary asked as she pulled back to breathe, moving to try and spy his clock. "I have to go." She sighed when she read the time, pushing against his chest. Matthew flopped into his back, arm splayed as Mary sat up.

"But why? We have at least an hour." He sounded like he was whining but he didn't care.

"Unlike some people, it does take me some time to get ready. And unless I feel like showing up everywhere in my dress from dinner last night, I have to go home and change." She placed a hand on his chest, leaning over him to kiss him one last time before rising from the bed. She stood with her back to him and he watched as she lifted his shirt off and dropped it onto his desk chair.

"I can come with you?" Matthew asked, sitting up and watching as Mary stepped back into her dress.

"Zip me up?" She stepped towards him, lifting her hair from her shoulders as he slowly fastened her dress.

"I can be ready in a minute and I could wait while you get ready." Matthew continued when he didn't get an answer to his question. He didn't want to give up being around her now that he could. No doubt someone would say he was whipped but he didn't exactly think it was a bad thing, if he were that is.

"I'm not going to be doing anything other than showering and changing. Surely, it would be boring." Mary smiled at him, grabbing her bag from where she had dropped it the night before.

"Give me give a few minutes. I'll just change real quick." He jumped from the bed, missing Mary's amused look as he grabbed what he would need. "Ten minutes." He brushed a kiss to her lips and then ducked into the bathroom for a very fast shower.

* * *

"I'm going to be late." Matthew mumbled as he reached for Mary's hand. He was surprised when she allowed him to take her hand, but didn't hesitate. He knew better than to mention it.

"You didn't have to wait for me. I told you to go ahead." Mary's expression was lost behind her sunglasses but he could tell by the sound of her voice that she was only slightly exasperated. "You chose to stay."

"Isn't that what good boyfriends do? Wait for their girlfriends?" He squeezed her hand gently.

"I don't know."

"Know what? If I'm a good boyfriend?" Matthew turned back to her in surprise.

"If you are my boyfriend." Her statement took him by complete surprise. Hadn't he made himself clear?

"What?" He stopped walking, turning to face her.

"You are going to be late." She pointed out, tapping her watch.

"Crap. You're right." He leaned in for a kiss, lightly brushing her lips with his. "But this isn't over. I want to talk about this."

"You better go." Mary didn't answer him, instead nudging him away and towards his lecture.

"Later, Mary." It was a promise. One he fully intended to keep.

* * *

"Hi." He greeted Mary as she opened the door, kissing her quickly and brushing past her into her flat.

"Hi." Mary closed the door behind him, but didn't say anything else. Instead, she followed him to the couch where she settled next to him.

"So, about earlier." He didn't waste any time, wanting this settled and settled quickly.

"Were you late?" She avoided the topic, resting against the arm of the couch, putting space between them as if that would stop him.

"Yes, but that's not what I am referring to." Matthew settled a hand on her thigh, brushing his fingers over the soft skin there. "I'm not your boyfriend?"

"We never discussed it. And I didn't want to assume." Mary looked down at her lap, running her fingers through her hair. "I mean, we haven't even been out together."

"Like on a date?" Matthew was bemused. There was as time when he had to ask (plead was more apt) to get Mary to go on _one_ date with him. Now she wanted to go on more?

"If that's what you want to call it." She shrugged, but Matthew could see the genuine interest in her eyes.

"I will definitely take you on a date." Matthew assured her. "And I definitely want to be your boyfriend." He leaned in, bumping her forehead with his.

"You have to ask properly." Mary whispered in response. "Or I won't say yes." She smiled, shaking her head. Matthew chuckled at the words. It reminded him of the first time she had said them. And that had ended very well for him.

"Is there a proper way to ask to be someone's boyfriend?" Matthew mused aloud, pulling away from her. Mary's smile remained in place as she narrowed her eyes at him.

Matthew considered her for a moment before kneeling onto the floor before her and taking her hands in his. "Mary. Will you do the honor of being my girlfriend?" He looked up at her, watching as she bit her lip to keep from laughing.

"You are a ridiculous man." Mary said with a smile, leaning down to kiss him. "And yes." Her hands framed his face, holding him close as she kissed him again and again.

"Saturday." Matthew said between kisses, slowly rising until he was beside her on the couch again.

Mary didn't release her hold on his face as she pulled away. "What?" Her brow was furrowed as she tried to make sense of his declaration.

"Our first date. Saturday. 6:00." He didn't leave it up for debate, pressing a kiss to her palm as he turned his head. Mary didn't respond right away and Matthew didn't wait. Instead, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and pulling her close. He didn't need a response to know that she would be ready on Saturday at 6:00.

* * *

 **AN: So all is right in this universe! Or is it? Mwahahahah. No, but seriously, there is some more left to this tale before I wrap it all up. Once again, I have to thank all of you for the reviews and kind words. I hope you know that as much as I write for myself, I also write for you so it makes me all that more grateful when I hear from you. Until next time!**


	18. Chapter 17

"Do you know what's funny?" Anna asked out of the blue. Her books lay scattered open before her, but she couldn't be forced to look at them for another moment. Mary didn't seem to have this issue, eyes still scanning the page in front of her, pen poised to mark it up with her edits.

"What's that?" Mary still didn't look up. Instead, she began to write something in the margin of the page in her neat script.

"If I didn't know you and Matthew were now a couple, I wouldn't be able to tell." Anna laughed lightly. She honestly couldn't tell a difference in how they used to act and how they acted now. It only furthered what she already knew. Mary and Matthew had always been a couple. Whether they had been aware of it was the crux of the issue.

Mary still didn't look up. "Why is that funny?" The only sign that she was affected by her words was the force with which she pushed down on her pen as she wrote.

"Just an observation." Anna shrugged, pulling close her next book. "Nothing more."

Anna didn't give it much thought after that.

Mary, on the other hand, couldn't help but keep thinking about it.

* * *

Mary was still thinking about it later that night as she watched some reality show on TV with Matthew. She had been thinking about it to the point where it was inducing anxiety.

Matthew didn't seem to notice. When she had arrived, he had tugged her into his flat gently, kissing her in lieu of saying hello. They hadn't said much of anything as they moved further into the room. Reaching the couch, he had sprawled out over the cushions, allowing her to settle against his chest. She had pressed her cheek against his shirt, and the faint sound of his heartbeat and his steady breathing calmed her, if only slightly.

"Do you think I'm not affectionate?" Her question was out of blue, much like Anna's original observation had been.

"Uh." Matthew angled his head to be able to see her, removing one of his arms that had been around her in order to prop it up. "This feels like a trick question." The hand still resting on the small of her back began to trace a pattern over the sliver of skin exposed there.

"It's not." She rested her chin on his sternum so she could meet his eye. "You'd tell me if you weren't happy, right?"

"I'm not the one with the habit of withholding information." Matthew smirked, but Mary bristled. She moved to stand, but Matthew stopped her before she could get too far. "Stop it. I didn't mean it like that." Mary looked at him through narrowed eyes as she settled back against him. "Where are you getting this?"

"I was just thought that maybe you would like if I was more open with my affections." Mary resisted the urge to look away from his gaze. "Anna mentioned that we act the same now as we did before we got back together." Matthew's confused expression from before melted away at that, only to be replaced with a smug one. "What?"

"She meant that we act the same as before, that's all." His hand had resumed tracing patterns on her back but this time she shrugged him off as she sat up. He looked surprised by her action, almost as if he expected the exact opposite to happen.

"I know that. But it got me thinking." Matthew finally sat up so they were on equal levels. "I know you wouldn't hate PDA —"

"No, no I wouldn't." Matthew interjected, only to be met with her look of exasperation. He mimed zipping his lips before she continued.

"I don't like it. But if you wanted me to —"

"Okay, I have to stop you." He reached for her hands, taking one of them in his own and lacing their fingers. "I love you, the way you are. Even if that means you make fun of me in public instead of kiss me." He ducked the cushion that Mary threw at him at that statement with a laugh. "Seriously, Mary."

"Good." Mary nodded, pushing him to lay down against so she could resume her position of resting against him.

"Perfect." Matthew laid down without a fight, more than happy to serve as her pillow for the evening. Having her with him like this was better than any small act of PDA could ever be.

"So I was thinking." Matthew asked during a lull in his revision. Mary looked over at him, momentarily ignoring the book open in front of her. They had been sitting together revising for what seemed like ages and Mary welcomed the interruption. If she had to translate one more line…well, she was pretty sure the words in front of her were beginning to lose all their meaning. "On Tuesday, my meeting with my tutor is cancelled. We could go grab something to eat and then go see a show or something."

"What time, exactly?" Mary tried to remember Matthew's schedule but was drawing a blank when it came to Tuesdays. All she knew was that she had been able to go see Dr. Carson without him ever knowing since his Tuesday afternoons were usually so busy. And afterwards when she didn't feel like socializing much, he was there, without question, as his own exhaustion from the day making him unwilling to go out either. It had been working out perfectly so far.

"Two?" Matthew said it like a question. Mary immediately bit back a sigh. Her appointment was at fifteen past two.

"I can't." Matthew looked at her in confusion so she continued. "I have an appointment."

"Oh." Matthew tapped his pen against his book in contemplation. "Well, I can meet you after. Is it in college?" Mary couldn't help but smile. She should have known that he would immediately try to work around her schedule, to make things easier for her. It was just his way.

"No." She placed her hand over his own, to stop the tapping of his own against his book. "It's a doctors appointment."

"Is everything alright? Are you feeling okay?" He asked immediately, brow furrowed in concern. He flipped their hands so that he could lace their fingers.

"I'm fine. It's, well." She bit her lip. She took a deep breath through her nose, out through her mouth to settle her nerves. "It's with a psychologist. Dr. Carson."

Matthew stayed silent a long time after her announcement. She had looked away as soon as she uttered the words but she could still feel his eyes on her. "Mary." His voice was soft and he tugged lightly on their joined hands to get her attention. Her eyes met his and she get like she shouldn't have been surprised by what she saw there but she was.

"I think that's great." He was smiling, seeming to wait for her to say or do something. She just looked away. "Seriously, Mary." His free hand can to rest on her cheek and she forced herself to meet his eye again.

"Yes, well. I need to finish translating this." Mary held up her book, making it clear that the topic was no longer up for discussion and Matthew took the hint.

* * *

"I told Matthew." Mary said in the final few minutes of the appointment. Carson looked up at her from where he had been jotting something down.

"I was under the impression he already knew." Mary knew he was thinking about Patrick and Kemal but she shook her head.

"About seeing a psychologist." Carson looked surprised at that. "He always wanted me to talk to someone. And since we are back together, I thought he should know." Memories of him trying to convince her to speak to someone swirled at the forefront of her mind. She could still remember how she icily shut him down each time.

"Are you okay with him knowing?" Carson set his own aside and focused his attention on her.

"I find that I am actually." She had initially feared his reaction, she didn't know why. Maybe she expected him to gloat. But he hadn't. "I still haven't mentioned it to Anna. And I will not be telling my parents or anyone else anytime soon. But Matthew…" She trailed off and Carson let her find the words without prodding. "It's different with Matthew."

"I think that's great, Mary." Carson said before pushing up from his chair. Mary did the same, grabbing her purse as she joined him by the door. "Would you consider bringing him to a session? I think it would be helpful." Mary didn't answer, but it seemed Carson didn't expect her to. "I'll see you next week."

* * *

Mary reached into her purse for her sunglasses as she emerged from the office building. The heat of the sun felt good and she basked in it slightly as she slid the sunglasses into her hair for ease of access. She took a step onto the pavement and opened her eyes only to be shocked at what she saw. It was Matthew.

"Hi." He crossed the distance between them, holding out a coffee cup which she took.

"What are you -"

"Doing here?" Matthew finished for her, a wry smile crossing his face. "I looked up the address based on the name. You mentioned it the other night." He shuffled closer, closing the small distance between them. "I wanted you to know that I support you. In everything."

Mary's heart warmed at that, and she broke her own PDA rules to lean over and kiss him. He seemed shocked by the gesture, but quickly recovered, wrapping his arms around her.

"Thank you." Mary whispered as they separated, continuing to lean against him with her free hand against his chest.

"Always."

* * *

 **AN: Look at these two, being all happy and couple-y. I'm working on replying to all your lovely reviews, so thank you for all the kind words!**


	19. Chapter 18

Mary checked her watch for the tenth time since entering the train station. Sybil's train should have arrived by now and Mary didn't want to spend any more time here than she had to.

She watched as the latest arrivals filtered through the doors and let out a sigh of relief she hadn't been aware she was holding when she saw her sister trudge through one of the doors. After listening to her mother worry herself into a state of absolute anxiety over Sybil's disappearing act, she had expected Sybil to be in a similar state. But she wasn't. If anything, she seemed tired, as if the last thing she needed at the moment was someone hovering.

Mary understood the feeling.

"Sybil." Mary intercepted her before she could pass her by. Sybil looked startled for a moment before moving, leaving Mary unprepared for the hug Sybil leant in for. Sybil hugged her tightly, pressing her cheek into Mary's shoulder and Mary hugged her back, wrapping her arms about her. "Sybil?" Mary smoothed her hand over her baby sister's back until she let go, concern coloring her gaze.

"Thank you for coming to get me." Sybil said quietly, releasing her to pick up the bag she had dropped in order to wrap her arms around her sister. "Mama probably wanted you to put me on the next train back."

"She did." Mary nodded, leading her out of the station and to her car. "I told her it would be ridiculous to put you on a train this late. I am to deliver you safely back on Monday." Mary winked before ducking into the car. Sybil stared at her in shock for a moment before getting in as well.

"How did you manage to keep Mama away for the whole weekend?" Mary just shook her head and held a finger to her lips.

"No names, no pack drill."

To be honest, Sybil didn't really care how. She now had the whole weekend to sort out her thoughts and for that she was entirely grateful.

The drive home was silent. Mary didn't know exactly what the impetus for Sybil's sudden flight from their house in London was, but she knew better than to ask her right out. If Sybil wanted her to know, she would tell her.

"I didn't interrupt any of your plans did I?" Sybil finally broke the silence as they pulled up to her building.

"No, of course not." Mary patted her hand, before switching off the car. "Anna is probably making some fabulous dinner for you. We should go inside." Sybil was off like a shot, leaving Mary to grab her bag and follow.

"Anna!" Sybil cried out as she pushed open the door to the flat, wrapping her arms around the small blonde woman. Sybil didn't see the other person in the room as she pulled back from the hug. "How are you?"

"I'm fine, Sybil." Anna said in amusement. She had never received such an enthusiastic welcome from Mary's youngest sister before. Anna looked her over and could see the remnants of tears on her face, but didn't say anything. It wasn't her place to.

"Oh! Hello!" In Anna's momentary inventory of Sybil, she didn't see Sybil notice the man sitting quietly at the table. Matthew had tried to stay in the background as Sybil said hello to Anna. Mostly because he was confused. He didn't remember Mary telling him that her sister was visiting. He would have remembered something like that. Why hadn't Mary told him that her sister was visiting? Did she not want him to meet her?

"Are you Anna's boyfriend?" Sybil asked, breaking into his internal debate. She looked between the two quickly before a panicked expression graced her face. "I interrupted your date!"

"No!" Both Anna and Matthew insisted, just as Mary walked through the door.

"Did I miss something?" Mary looked first at Sybil's stricken face and then at Anna and Matthew's calm ones. "Sybil?"

"We interrupted their date. We should go." Sybil tried to loop her arm through her sister's to tow her from the room.

"We didn't." Mary shook her loose, dropping her bag into a nearby chair and taking a seat close to Matthew.

"But –" Sybil looked incredibly confused. Anna left to return to the kitchen and Matthew stood.

"I'm going to go. Call me later?" Matthew leant over to press a kiss to her upturned lips. Sybil gaped silently at them, in shock. "It was nice to meet you Sybil." He waved slightly and then he was gone.

"Mary." Sybil turned to her sister, seating herself in Matthew's now abandoned seat. "Who was that?"

"Matthew." Mary moved to stand but Sybil's hand on her wrist stopped her.

"Wait. Matthew." Sybil's brow furrowed as she tried to place the name. The only Matthew she had ever heard Mary speak about had been – "That Matthew!" She exclaimed, throwing her hands up into the air.

"We got back together." Mary shrugged. She tried to get up from her seat, but once again was thwarted by Sybil's hand on her arm.

"No, no, no. You do not get to shrug that off. When?" Sybil demanded.

"A few weeks –" Mary didn't get to finish as Sybil let out an indignant scoff.

"Weeks! Mary!"

"What do you want me to say, Sybil?" Mary sighed, ready to drop the subject.

"I want to meet him." Sybil crossed her arms over her chest. "Properly."

"You will." Mary reassured her, but she couldn't meet her eye. Because while she didn't have to place her baby sister on a train until Monday, there was nothing stopping their mother from appearing on her doorstep. And knowing her boyfriend, there was no way he was staying away either.

* * *

 _The next day_

There was someone in their kitchen.

Anna could hear the cupboards open and close, but not because they were being slammed shut. The intruder was being polite and making sure to open and close everything quietly. But the hinges squeaked and outside oiling the things up, there was nothing they could do the prevent them from squeaking. Who ever it was, was so busted.

Grabbing the cricket bat out of her wardrobe that she kept for this very purpose, Anna silently crept into the kitchen. She knew that the element of surprise was always the best weapon. She stood in the entry way of the kitchen, bat raised when the intruder turned around.

"What the – ?" The intruder said in surprise, reaching for the light switch.

Anna dropped the bat and it clattered to the floor loudly. "Matthew! What are you doing here?"

"Mary gave me a key. I thought she told you?" Matthew looked at her in confusion.

"She did." Anna said with a sigh, rubbing her hand over her eyes. She looked over at the mugs on the counter, the kettle that Matthew had clearly been filling before she walked in. "I'm going back to bed."

* * *

"Good morning." Mary said on a yawn. She closed her bedroom door behind her, allowing Sybil to sleep some more.

"Matthew's here." It was all Anna said in response, leaning against her door and blinking heavily.

Mary just blinked at her. "He's here?"

"Yes. And making you tea by the looks of it." Anna finally managed to twist open her doorknob and get the door opened. "I'm going back to bed."

"Good night." Mary bid her and Anna just waved her off, disappearing behind her door. Mary continued on into the kitchen and despite Anna's warning, she was still slightly surprised to see Matthew standing there.

"Good morning." He said softly, holding out a mug for her.

She took it gratefully, wrapping both hands around it and relishing in the warmth. "It's early." Mary sipped at her tea, moving close to Matthew and settling against his side.

"Not really." He pressed a kiss to the side of her head as he reached for his own mug. "You just slept in. Late night?" Mary just nodded, taking another sip of her tea. "Sybil's alright?"

"She wants to meet you." Matthew's arm dropped to settle around her waist, his hand settling on the soft fabric of her dressing gown. His silence spoke volumes and Mary knew she had some atoning to do. "I didn't know she was coming until twenty minutes before her train arrived. I didn't have time to tell you. I wasn't keeping it from you."

"Okay." Matthew said with a small smile, dipping his head down for a kiss. Mary leaned into it willingly. She could taste his tea on his lips and sighed as she pulled away, settling completely against him so she could feel his chest expand and contract with each breath he took. "Did she tell you why she came here?"

"No. But I wasn't prepared to return her to the lion's den of Mama and Papa."

"You're a good sister." He rubbed his hand up and down her back in encouragement.

"Maybe." Mary set down her mug, pulling away from his embrace and almost immediately missing the warmth he radiated. "She's quite upset with me at the moment."

"Why?" He set his mug down next to hers on the counter.

"I hadn't gotten around to mentioning to her that we were back together." She tried not to meet his eye because she knew what she would see there. The exasperation radiated off him in waves.

"I wasn't aware it was a secret." She could detect hurt laced through his voice and it caused her to finally meet his gaze.

"It wasn't. Isn't." Mary settled her hands against his chest, spreading her fingers against the fabric of his button down shirt. "You remember that dinner a few weeks ago? That night with Tony?"

"Yes." He looked at her in confusion. Why was she bringing this up now?

"They didn't take the news that Tony and I weren't together as well as I hoped. I wanted to give them some time to calm down before telling them about us." Matthew had to begrudgingly admit there was some reason to her logic. And he didn't want her parents to hate him for breaking up her fake relationship with Tony. "I didn't want Sybil to have to keep anything from them, for me, us. But that's all for naught. Knowing Mama, she'll probably be here before the morning is over."

"No time like the present." Matthew smiled gently, tugging her close again. Mary draped her arms over his shoulders as she moved until they were flush.

"No time like the present." She whispered through a smile which she pressed against his lips in a soft kiss.

"You two are just precious." Sybil interrupted, swiping Mary's abandoned tea from the counter.

"Good morning, Sybil." Mary said on a sigh, stepping away from him. She stole Matthew's tea once she realized her own resided in Sybil's hands.

"Morning!" She chirped, smirking at them.

"Matthew, this is my baby sister Sybil. Sybil, Matthew." Mary emphasized the baby sister part of her introduction causing Sybil to shoot her a look of annoyance. Mary ignored it as she added more milk to the mug.

"Nice to finally meet you, Matthew." Sybil turned her attention towards him as he fixed himself a new cup.

"Likewise."

"I wish we could have met sooner…" She trailed off, turning to look back at Mary who just rolled her eyes.

"You know, instead of giving me a hard time, you might want to think about what you are going to do when Mama gets here." Mary deflected, settling back against her seat as she idly swirled her spoon in her tea.

"I thought you said I didn't have to go back until after the weekend." Sybil pouted.

"You don't. But there is nothing stopping her from driving here."

"Bloody hell." Sybil said as she dropped her head into her hands.

"Language." Mary scolded lightly, smirk tugging at her lips. "You wouldn't want Matthew to think you weren't lady-like, now would you?" Sybil just shot her a glare between slotted fingers. Matthew stayed silent at his spot by the counter, more than content to watch Mary's interaction with her sister.

"I should get dressed." Sybil pushed up from the table. "How long do you think I have?"

"An hour? If there isn't traffic on the way here." Sybil just grumbled as she disappeared down the hall and into Mary's bedroom.

"You need me to go?" Matthew finally spoke up, prepared to make himself scarce.

"No. Stay." Mary didn't look over at him, so she missed the smile that spread across his face.

* * *

After Sybil had reappeared, this time out of her pajamas, the three of them had settled on the couch to wait. Matthew had switched on the television to the movie they had meant to watch the night before and they sat in silence to watch.

An hour in and Matthew had almost forgotten what they were all waiting for. Mary had moved to rest against him and his fingers began to card through her loose hair as his eyes stayed trained on the screen. He didn't notice that Sybil's eyes were glued on the small screen of her phone, nor that she kept looking at the front door every few minutes. So when the knock came, he jumped slightly, jostling Mary who shifted against him in displeasure.

"It's for you." Mary said as a second, more insistent knock rang out. Mary's eyes were focused on the screen, even though Matthew had felt her tense at the sound of the knock. She wasn't looking forward to this anymore than Sybil looked to be. He hit pause on the remote as Sybil stood.

"Can we just pretend to be out?" Sybil asked rhetorically, already moving towards the door.

"It'll be fine, darling." Mary gave her one last encouragement. Matthew expected Mary to move away from him as Sybil moved even closer to the door, but instead she settled even closer against his side. He wasn't about to push her away.

"Hello Mama." Sybil's greeting came out as resigned as she held open the door for her mother.

"Hello, Sybil." Cora brushed past her, face etched with concern. "Do you have any idea how concerned I was?"

"I'm fine, Mama." Sybil said unnecessarily. "Do come in." She added sarcastically under her breath.

"We have to –. Oh." Cora stopped short when she noticed her eldest seated on the couch.

"Good morning, Mama." Mary didn't move from her spot at Matthew's side. At Cora's look, he was tempted to remove his arm from around her shoulders, but feeling of Mary's hand on his thigh stopped him.

Cora didn't seem to know what to say to her after that so she turned back to Sybil. "You can't just run off whenever you feel like."

"I didn't run off. I came here. To my sister." Sybil crossed her arms over her chest.

"Perhaps you should take this somewhere else." Mary interrupted before Cora could reply. "Matthew and I were watching something." Cora just gaped at her for a moment before leading Sybil down the hall and into her empty bedroom. When the door shut behind them, Mary reached gestured for him to hit play.

"Shouldn't you be there too?" Matthew couldn't help but look back at the closed door.

Mary just shook her head, reaching for the remote herself. "Sybil is more than capable of handling our mother's displeasure. Besides, we'll have enough to deal with when she finally realizes who you are." She hit play, effectively ending the conversation.

"Looking forward to it." Matthew couldn't help but mutter, but pushing the thought from his mind. Because Mary was right. There would be enough time to deal with it all later.

* * *

 **AN** : **I'd love to hear what you think!**


	20. Chapter 19

Matthew held Mary's hand lightly in his as they meandered through the open grounds of the garden. No one else was around, leaving them to walk in peace. They didn't speak, instead letting the quiet settle around them.

The peacefulness of the setting was disturbed when suddenly a chime rang out. Out of habit, his free hand reached for his phone before he realized the sound had already stopped. Looking beside him, he saw Mary pressing her mobile to her ear.

"Hello Mama." Meeting Matthew's gaze, she rolled her eyes before smiling. "I did see that you had called. No. I haven't been ignoring you." Matthew tried to hear the other side of the conversation but all he could make out was mumbles so he gave up. Instead, he tugged gently on their joint hands to resume their walk. It seemed both of them had paused at the sound of Mary's phone.

"You have got to be joking." By the tone of her voice, Matthew assumed that Mary wasn't pleased. He tried to meet her eye again but she was resolutely looking away. She tried to pull away from him, but he refused to let go of her hand. She fixed him with a glare which he met with one of his own.

"Yes, Mama. Fine. Yes. Goodbye." She jabbed at she phone screen to end the call and shoved it in her pocket.

"Your mother?" He asked needlessly, guiding her towards a bench. They sat flush, sides pressed together.

"Obviously." Mary squeezed his fingers where they were still laced with hers as they rested on his thigh.

"Is everything okay?" He traced circles with his thumb over her back over her hand. It seemed to ease the tension of out her ever so slightly so he didn't stop as she leaned into him.

"My mother has invited us to dinner."

"Us?" His surprise was apparent. Even if her parents now knew that they were together, and had since Sybil's unexpected flight from home, they hadn't acknowledged it.

"Yes. Mama and Papa would like to get to know you." She rested her head in his shoulder and part of him was sure she did it to comfort him.

"Oh." That was different.

"It will be fine. I promise." She lifted her head from his shoulder. Her free hand brushed back the lock of hair that always fell forward onto his forehead. Her fingers were cool against his skin but they still left warmth in their wake. "Trust me." She leaned in for a kiss, slow and soft, as her hand framed his cheek.

"I trust you." Matthew murmured as they separated, but they were still close enough that he could still feel the warmth of her breath against his skin.

"Good." Her hand dropped from his cheek and he immediately missed the warmth there. "Do you think we can head back now? I'm tired." He laughed at that, rising while still holding her hand. He pressed a kiss to her forehead, skimming his lips there for a moment before pulling away.

He pulled back from her smiling. "Let's get you some rest." Together, hands still clasped, they retraced their path back to his flat.

* * *

Everything was not fine. It was so very, very not fine.

When Mary had informed him about the dinner with her parents, he thought it would be at a restaurant close to the university. But of course not. When he had asked where they were going, Mary had simply said 'home'.

Home. As in Downton.

That he could handle. He had been there before. It wasn't completely foreign to him. But then came the next surprise.

It was a family dinner. Meaning her sisters would be there. And her grandmother. The whole Crawley family.

"Are you sure this is alright?" He asked Mary for the umpteenth time, looking at her through the mirror. His fingers quickly looped the tie around his neck, pulling it into a tight knot at the base of his throat. They had arrived at Downton early to change and upon arriving closeted themselves in her old bedroom. Normally, Matthew would have loved to see this, to see where Mary had grown up. Right now, he barely even noticed it.

"Yes." Mary was exasperated, pushing up from where she was seated at her vanity. "I picked it out." She had. When he found out the whole family was going to be there, he had let Mary decide what he was going to wear. Her grandmother had some old fashion rules about what to wear to dinner and he didn't even know where to start.

Mary stood beside him and with a hand on his shoulder, she pushed him to face her. "You tied this too tight." Her fingers undid the tie and began to re-tie it.

"Are we going to be late?" Matthew glanced at the a clock over Mary's shoulder, missing her eye roll.

"It's just downstairs. Relax." She smoothed the tied down his chest, resting both hands on his shoulders.

"I'm relaxed." Matthew protested automatically.

"Mmhmm." Clearly she didn't believe him. "Are you ready to head down?"

"Yes." Matthew was glad when his voice came out steady, instead of shaky.

"Good." Mary stepped away from him, adjusting her dress one last time. "Come with me." She held out her hand and he took it. He trailed behind her as they left her room and navigated to the large staircase.

Why did he feel like he was being led into battle?

* * *

"It didn't go as bad as I thought it would." Matthew said on a sigh as he took a seat next to Mary in the library. His fingers worked to loosen his still too tight tie before giving up and dropping to his side.

"Let me." Mary sat forward slightly, her own fingers easing the fabric until the tie lay undone around his neck. "Better?" She resumed her position next to him, curling into his side.

"Much. Thank you." He brushed his lips against the side of her head, enjoying the quiet after the rather chaotic family dinner. Sybil was still at odds with her parents, taking some of the attention off Matthew as the family sat down for the meal. Mary was quiet for a moment before sitting up and turning to face him.

"There is something I want to do." Her eyes were focused on his, but he couldn't help but note her smile.

"Is it something improper?" He teased, only to receive a slap on his thigh in return.

"I am going to go get what we need. Meet me by the front door?" She was up and off in a dash, leaving Matthew to make his way to the door. He only had to wait a few minutes before Mary joined him, quilt thrown over her arm and a bottle of something in her hand. With her free hand, she took his and silently led him out of the house. He wasn't sure where they were going until they reached a part that seemed familiar to him. He remembered a party with Tony and his friends that had morphed into a nighttime exploration around the grounds. Mary had been uncomfortable the entire time and it hadn't taken him long to understand why. It was the same place Patrick and Pamuk had taken her. And then he understood why they were there now.

"Are you sure?" He asked as he watched her shake out the quilt before settling it on the grass. "We don't have to–"

"Hush." Mary quieted him, sitting down on the quilt and grabbing the bottle. "It was my idea." Matthew watched as she twisted off the wrapper and pressed on the cork until there was a distinctive pop.

She had brought champagne.

"Cheers." She saluted before taking a drink directly from the bottle. Matthew watched with wide eyes as Mary downed the drink before handing it to him. "Go on." She encouraged as he hesitated. Raising the bottle to his lips, he felt the fizziness of the champagne hit his tongue. Mary watched him for a moment before leaning back on her hands and turning her eyes towards the sky.

"Mary." His voice was soft as he settled the bottle down on the ground.

"Dr. Carson and I agreed that I am at a good place to stop going to therapy." Her statement caught him off guard. Ever since she had told him about what she did every Tuesday when she disappeared for a hour, he had supported her. He knew it couldn't be easy to drudge through memories one would rather forget and he found her courage to do so made him love her even more. "I wanted to create new memories of this place. Of this." She held up the bottle of champagne. "Patrick and Kemal have damaged too much in my life and I refuse to let them do much more." She finished her statement with another drink from the bottle before moving to lie flat on her back.

"I'll drink to that." Matthew toasted, taking another swig from the bottle. He contemplated taking another before just settling down beside Mary, the bottle resting off to the side.

They lay there in silence, hands clasped between them on the quilt. The only sound was that of the trees as a breeze rustled the leaves. That is, until a clicking sound rang out. Suddenly, they were being drenched with water as the gardening system cycled on.

Matthew sat up, holding his hand out to prevent the water from hitting his face. "We should head back." He moved to stand, but Mary's hand on his arm stopped him.

"Why?" She sat up as well, bracing herself on one arm as she looked at him.

"Because, well," he trailed off, not exactly sure how to mention that he remembered what she told him and about how she was woken up. "We're getting wet." He finally settled upon, when the right words escaped him.

"It's just water." Mary teased, leaning in and cupping his cheek with her free hand. "Afraid I might melt?"

"Well, I have heard that you are the wicked witch of Downton." Matthew retorted to Mary's amusement.

"Replace that w with a b, and I'm sure you'd find agreement." Her thumb brushed away the drops of water that were slowly dripping down from his hair. She smiled softly as him as he moved closer to her.

"You aren't." He said sincerely, his own hand brushing back the hair that had fallen out of her nearly done hairstyle.

"You're the only one who thinks I'm nice." Mary looked away, dropping her hand so that she could lean back on both arms.

"That's because my Mary is the real Mary." Mary tilted her head in, but Matthew couldn't tell if was in agreement? Or acknowledgement? He waited for her to speak again, allowing the gardening system to thoroughly drench him as it continued to spray water everywhere.

They sat there for quite some time before Mary finally broke the stalemate. She didn't say anything, just leaned over and kissed him. Matthew circled his arms around her, pulling her in close as she deepened the kiss.

He could taste the remnants of the champagne he had forgotten they had brought out on her lips and he sighed as it reminded him why they were out there. Her eyes were closed as he pulled away, only opening when he whispered her name. Her eyes met his and he hesitated before speaking. "I don't want, I mean to say is, I know what this means and I know this isn't going any further."

"It isn't?" She interrupted him, eyebrow raised.

"I'm fine with our relationship as is. I don't need you to push yourself to –"

"Matthew." She interrupted again, placing a finger over his lips to shush him. "I want to."

"You want to? Here?" He waved his arms out over the drenched quilt and wet grass.

Mary just laughed, shaking her head. "I was thinking inside." She stood, shaking out her dress before realizing it was hopeless. "I do have a perfectly nice room, you know." She held out her hand and he laced their fingers.

She began to lead him back towards the house when he stopped. "What about the stuff we brought out?"

"Leave it. We'll deal with it in the morning." She smirked at him and Matthew couldn't help but return it. He began to move forward again when she stopped him with a hand to his chest. "Well, maybe you should grab the champagne." Matthew quickly jogged back and grabbed the bottle, reclaiming her hand as they made their way back into the house.

"I think I'm going to need some help getting out of these sodden clothes." Mary teased as they entered the house and moved towards the staircase.

"Oh really?" Matthew wrapped his arms around her waist , peppering her bare skin of her neck and shoulder with kiss after kiss. "I think I may be able to help you with that." Meeting his eye, Mary once again took his hand and hurried him up the staircase and into her room. Turns out, Matthew would have been terrible as a lady's maid. But Mary found she didn't mind all that much.

* * *

 **AN: I've been getting questions about what caused the Sybil issue from last chapter (that then carried over here). All I have to say about that is that I am only going to focus on MM in this story and leave the rest up to your imagination. It doesn't impact the path of MM at all.**

 **As always, please let me know what you think!**


	21. Chapter 20

Mary had never experienced the after glow that so many people talked about after sex. She had never just relaxed against the mused up bedsheets and stared into her lover's eyes. In her one prior experience (she no longer considered _that_ night an experience; she didn't remember the details and now she was glad not to), it had been so uncomfortable afterwards, and well, during. Matthew had seemed tense, and she had, well, she probably shouldn't have let them progress that far. She could see that now.

But now, now she was relishing in the feeling of Matthew's warm skin as it was pressed against hers. She was slightly sticky with sweat, so was he for that matter, but she didn't care. It was like a tangible reminder of their activities, along with her still racing pulse. All of her earlier worries had melted away, and Mary was very, very glad.

"How're you feeling?" Matthew's voice was no louder than a murmur as his hand brushed over her exposed stomach. Her muscles jumped at the touch which he seemed to find amusing, if the upturn of his lips were anything to go by.

"I told you I wanted this." Mary felt some of pleasant haze that had blanketed her thoughts receding at his question. They had discussed all this already. She thought he understood.

"Wasn't what I was asking." Matthew leaned over from resting on his pillow to press a kiss to her shoulder.

"Oh." Mary relaxed further into the bed, turning on to her side so she could see him. He took that as invitation to press his lips to hers and she was more than okay with that. It was a slow sort of kiss, and it wasn't until they finally broke apart that Mary realized that she had closed the already minimal distance between them. He tilted forward until his forehead rested against hers and Mary couldn't help but close her eyes and sigh.

She finally knew what they were all talking about.

"Your bed is incredibly comfortable." Matthew said with a sigh, shifting on to his back and throwing his arm over his head. "It makes my bed back at uni feel like a rock."

Mary watched as his eyes began to take longer and longer to open with each blink. His breathing was beginning to even out and she needed to stop him before he actually fell asleep. "Yes, well, you can't sleep here." She rose up on her elbow to hover over him, meeting his eye when they finally focused on her.

"So, you use me for my body and then kick me out of your bed. I see how it is." He threw aside the sheet that had been covering the lower half of his body and swung his legs over the side. If Mary hadn't seen the smirk tugging at his lips, she would have been afraid that she had seriously offended him. "You have no other use for me."

"Oh, I still have plenty of uses for you." Mary slid closer to him, tugging him back towards her so she could reach his lips. Matthew all but flopped back on to the bed, tugging Mary down until she was draped over him.

"I am at your service." Matthew managed to say between kisses, carding his fingers through her hair.

Mary pushed him down into the sheets, bracing herself over him. "So accommodating." She didn't let him reply, leaning down for another kiss. She let the length of her body settle against his and his arms settled low on her waist.

"If I don't go now, I don't think I'll be able to leave." Matthew somehow managed to get out, even if every few words were punctuated with soft groans.

"Right." Mary didn't move though, continuing to pepper his jaw with kisses. She paused as she reached his lips, looking between him and the door for a moment before making a decision. "We'll just have to sneak you back into your room in the morning."

Matthew could see the smile on Mary's face and he felt his own expression match hers. "Brilliant idea." He agreed, wrapping his arms around her. He'd worry about sneaking out in the morning.

* * *

'Why did parents have to be so irritating?' The thought swirled in Edith's mind as she stomped down the hall. Mama and Papa never let her get a word in edge wise and she hated it. They always listened to Mary. And Mama had all but ran after Sybil after she threw that tantrum a few weeks ago. Why did she have to be the silent, obedient one?

"Edith, don't storm off." Cora sounded irritated, her own footsteps echoing down the hall as she followed her daughter. She couldn't understand why all her daughters were determined to give her gray hair. "We have to discuss this."

But Edith was in no mood to talk to her mother. She was going to take a page from her older sister's book. Unfortunately that meant talking to said sister. A small price to pay, as far as she was concerned. Reaching Mary's bedroom door, she knocked insistently, so much so that her knuckles hurt. She didn't wait for a bid to enter, pushing open the door and striding into the room.

"Mary, I need to speak to you. I know –." Edith began as she entered the room and then broke off on a gasp. "Oh. My. God." She was sure that she resembled a cartoon character with their jaw on the ground. Because Mary wasn't alone in her bed. She was wrapped around her new/old boyfriend and there was clothing on the ground. "Oh. My –." She was stopped from repeating from herself by the sound coming from the bed.

"Get out, Edith." It was Mary and she didn't seemed pleased to see her. Mary glared at her blearily as she pulled the duvet up over herself and her boyfriend. "Get out." Matthew seemed to grumble at the noise but his eyes remained closed.

"But I need to –" Edith tried to get out only to be stopped by Mary's rebuke.

"Out. Now." Mary had already closed her eyes, ready to go back to sleep.

"Edith! We need to talk! You can't just, goodness!" Cora stumbled as she stopped behind Edith. Mary's eyes shot open at the sound of her mother's voice. "Mary!" Edith's eyes darted between her sister and her mother as she waited for Mary to speak. She couldn't help the small smirk that tugged at her lips at the situation. After this display, she was sure that she would seem reasonable in response. It couldn't have gone any better if she had planned it.

"Mama." She sat up, holding the duvet to her chest. "Good morning." Mary subtly tried to wake Matthew, shaking his shoulder slightly. He grumbled at the intrusion to his slumber and tried to turn over and go back to sleep. Mary was more insistent the second time around which finally got him to open his eyes.

"We are going to talk about this." Cora pointed a finger at them and Matthew finally realized what was going on around them. He froze where he was laying, as if that would make him disappear.

"Of course, Mama." Mary nodded, then gestured for the pair of them to leave. Cora seemed more than willing to take the hint and Edith followed, smirking fully now.

"Cora, I was wondering if you had seen those cufflinks that…" Robert stepped into the room, holding the cuff of his shirt. He looked up to meet the stricken face of his wife and the smirking one of his middle child. "Cora?" He saw her trying to block his view of the room, causing him to look over the rest of the room. "What is going on in here!" It wasn't a question, despite the phrasing.

"Now, Robert, we should leave them to get dressed." Cora rested her hands against his chest and all but pushed him out of the room. Edith held a hand over her mouth to hold back her laughter, something that didn't escape Mary's notice. Mary shot her a dirty look causing Edith to just roll her eyes.

"Mary. I would like to speak to you in the library when you are dressed." Robert's booming voice could be heard from the hall. Mary didn't reply, nodding her head to herself because she knew it wasn't a request, but rather a demand. Edith finally followed her parents into the hall, closing Mary's door behind her.

Mary waited to hear the sound of footsteps moving away from the room before dropping back onto the bed with a groan. "We didn't wake up in time to move you back to your room." She stated the obvious.

"What are the chances that your father lets me leave here alive?" Matthew responded, scrubbing his hands over his face.

"He will." Mary shifted on to her side, propping herself up on her elbow. "I'll make sure of it."

"How gallant of you." Matthew smiled, leaning up to press his lips to hers in a good morning kiss. "I never got to say good morning."

"Its a little late for that." Mary looked over at her bedside alarm and groaned. "Its almost the afternoon."

"We had an exhausting night." Matthew wagged his eyebrows suggestively, but in reality ended up looking more ridiculous than any thing else.

"I'm going now." Mary bit back her amusement, throwing aside the duvet and grabbing her discarded clothing from the night before off the ground.

"No. Wait." Matthew reached out for her, taking her hand in his and pulling her back onto the bed.

"Matthew, I have to go. My father." She complained but she went to him willingly.

"I know." He brushed back her loose hair, cupping her cheek in her hand. "I just wanted to say that I love you." He pressed his forehead against hers, skimming her cheek with his thumb.

"I love you, too." Mary said quietly, leaning into his touch. Her eyes fluttered shut as she savored the moment, but all too soon reality crashed back in with the sound of people in the hall. "I have to get dressed." Mary said on a sigh as she pulled away.

"I'll see you down there." Matthew gave her a smile as he watched her slip into the bathroom to get ready. He slid out of the bed and gathered up his discarded clothing, trying to shake out the wrinkles in his suit.

Even with the events of the morning, Matthew couldn't regret last night. He just hoped that Mary felt the same.

* * *

"Sybil, it's your turn to pick." Edith held out the bowl of folded up pieces of paper towards her sister. Sybil swirled her hand around the bowl, the little slips of paper crinkling at the movement.

It was late. Their parents had already gone to bed, but the three sisters (plus Matthew) hadn't felt like retiring with them. Instead they had relaxed on the couches around the fireplace, poured themselves some of their father's expensive brandy and some how ended up playing this game.

Sybil couldn't exactly remember who had suggested they do this, but at some point, all of them had ended up writing down questions on to little slips of paper and throwing them into a bowl. It was basically truth or dare, except without the dare part.

Sybil continued to swirl her hand around the bowl, before snagging a slip of paper out and unfolding it.

"What'd you get?" Edith flopped back against the cushions, chin propped up by her closed fist.

Sybil squinted at the paper before reading it aloud. "What person from Greek mythology would you be and why?" Sybil's eyes turned towards Mary as she rolled her eyes. "You totally wrote this one."

"Why do you say that?" Mary frowned, brow furrowed.

"You are the one studying classics." Edith pointed out uselessly, sipping at her drink. "Just answer, Sybil, so we can move on."

"Fine. But I know nothing about mythology. All I know is from Disney movies." Sybil looked into the fire in thought. "Megara." She finally answered, smiling. "She was awesome in the Hercules movie." Mary just rolled her eyes which Sybil scowled at. "Alright mythology expert, who would you be?"

"Andromeda." Mary answered immediately, shifting ever so slightly further into Matthew side. Matthew buried his face in Mary's hair, hoping that it muffled his amusement at her answer. It didn't work as all attention turned towards him. Mary elbowed him in the side in retaliation, but that only made him laugh harder.

"What's so funny?" Sybil looked between the two of them, confused. "Who's Andromeda?"

"A princess." Matthew answered for Mary. Both Edith and Sybil rolled their eyes. Neither of them saw the look Mary shot Matthew after.

"Well, I would want to be Athena." Edith replied, drawing all their attention. Sybil nodded in approval at her answer while Mary just rolled her eyes. Edith ignored Mary, and instead focused on Matthew. "What about you, Matthew? All of us have answered."

"Perseus." He answered immediately, looking at Mary. Mary held his gaze as she tried to hide her smile at his answer. Neither Sybil or Edith understood his answer, nor the look that passed between their sister and her boyfriend. The couple seemed to forget that there were other people in the room as they stared at each other. It wasn't until Edith scoffed at their behavior that they focused their attention back on them. "I think I'm going to go to bed." Matthew downed the last of his drink and stood.

"Me too." Mary said quickly, reaching for his hand as she stood. This time they weren't oblivious to the looks that Sybil and Edith shot them, but Mary couldn't muster up the energy to care about what they thought. "Good night." She led Matthew from the room by the hand.

"Don't forget to lock the door this time!" Sybil called after them, causing her and Edith to break out into laughter.

All they heard in response was the slamming of the door.

* * *

As soon as her bedroom door was closed behind them, and locked, Mary towed Matthew to the bed. Pushing him down to sit, she settled her arms around his shoulders as she stepped into the space between his legs.

"Perseus, huh?" She trailed one of her hands through his hair, while the other stroked the skin at the back of his neck.

"Well, I have to save my princess from the sea monsters, don't I?" His hands settled on her hips and slowly trailed along to the small of her back. Gently, he pulled her down until she was sitting in his lap.

Mary fought hard to stop the smile that was tugging at her lips. Matthew didn't resist the urge, smiling softly at her. Seeing his look, she gave up fighting it and smiled, before fusing her lips to his.

* * *

It wasn't long after Mary and Matthew had left that Sybil went to bed herself. Mary and Matthew's odd exchange earlier nagged at her. Clearly, there was something she was missing and Sybil didn't like not being in the loop.

Grabbing her laptop, she quickly searched for the story of Andromeda, skimming the wikipedia page quickly when the name Perseus jumped out at her. Sybil found herself smiling as she read the story.

No wonder her sister felt the need to drag her boyfriend away after a declaration like that. She understood. And she would have done the same thing too.

* * *

 **AN: So they are all happy and couple-y and fluffy! Yay! More to come soon. :)**


	22. Chapter 21

It was their six month anniversary, and Matthew was in a very good mood. Nothing could ruin it for him, even as the wind whipped around him, chilling him through all the layers he was wearing. Knocking on the door to Mary's flat, he ducked his head as a particularly cold blast of air hit him.

"Hey Matthew." Anna greeted him, holding open the door and allowing him to escape the cold outside. The heat of the flat hit him immediately and he could feel the prickles of sensation returning to his numb fingers. "Mary's in her room." Anna answered before he could ask. He shot her a smile before moving towards the hall that led to her bedroom.

He knocked on the door, expecting that she would be getting ready, but he got no response. Knocking again, he got concerned when he still got no response.

"Mary?" He opened the door slowly. Her room was dark, save for the light of her laptop screen as the screensaver flashed. Stepping into the room, he paused when he spotted Mary.

She was asleep.

He pulled off his coat, draping it over her desk chair as he sat by her hip. "Mary." He whispered, brushing her hair out of her face. Her skin felt hot to the touch, but maybe it just because he was regaining sensation? He brushed his fingers over her forehead again, but this time he knew it wasn't just because he was still cold from being outside.

He shed his suit coat, throwing it towards the desk chair to join his other one. He fished his phone out of his pocket and dialed the restaurant he had made reservations at.

They weren't going anywhere tonight.

* * *

Her head was aching. She let out a low moan at the throbbing in her skull.

"Mary?" Matthew's soft voice called out and she instinctually turned towards it before wincing in pain. "How are you feeling?" She felt the bed dip at her side as he sat down.

"Awful." She groaned, covering her eyes with her hand. She tried to open them but instantly recoiled when she did.

"Here, take this." She opened her eyes into slits to see him holding out two pills and some water.

"Thanks." She downed the tablets and gulped at the water. Her voice was gravelly, almost as if someone had taken sandpaper to her throat. "What time?" She shifted to look at the clock and sat up when she noticed the hour. "Our plans." The had had plans for eight. It was now half past ten.

"Shh. I canceled them. You needed the sleep." Matthew hushed her, brushing his fingers down her arm.

"I'm sorry." Mary said softly, shifting into her side to face him. "I know you went to a lot of trouble -"

"Nonsense." He shook his head. "Do you want some soup? I have some warming in the kitchen."

"We had soup here?" She pushed herself up so she was sitting and could brush a kiss to Matthew's cheek.

"I ran out and got some while you were sleeping." He shrugged it off like it was nothing. "Let me go get you a bowl." He moved to stand but she caught his wrist, stopping him.

"No, no." Mary stood, leaning against him slightly as the room spun with her sudden movement. "I don't like eating in my room."

"Well, in that case." He held open the door and ushered her through and into the lounge. "You sit here and put on some of that mindless show you like watching so much and I'll get you your soup."

"I don't know what you are referring to." Mary protested as he handed her the remote, done more out of habit than out of any real objection to his observation.

"Of course not." He pressed a kiss to her forehead as she searched through her recorded programs for the 'mindless' period drama show he referred to. "Do you want some tea as well?" He called from the kitchen, stirring at the soup on the stove.

"Mmhm." She hummed in agreement as she considered whether to start at the beginning of the series or to pick up where she had left off.

"This is my reward for being an attentive boyfriend? You are going to make me watch the whole series?" Matthew said on sigh as he stood beside Mary was a tray.

"I'm feeling poorly." Mary used as explanation, accepting the tray from him which allowed him to take a seat beside her. "No doubt you'll do the same to me next week." She lifted the spoon to her lips, savoring the warm as it soothed her throat.

"Next week?" Matthew asked as he grabbed the quilt from the back of the couch and settled it across both their laps.

"When I'll be taking care of you after you catch whatever it is I have." Mary said with a small smile, lifting the tea cup to her lips.

"Ah." He smirked, curling his arm around her shoulders. "Does this mean you'll trudge through the cold to get me my own soup?"

"I'll expect you to have some in stock already." Mary worked hard to prevent herself from smiling.

"Of course." He pressed a kiss the her hair, tugging on her gently so she rested against him. "Think you can manage to heat up soup though?"

"Shut it." She hit the back of her hand against his chest. It didn't hurt him through the layers there but he winced anyways leading Mary to gift him with another eye roll. She continued to sip at her soup allowing Matthew his small victory.

She would prove him wrong next week. But for now, she was going to guilt him into watching her show with her. And maybe she could even get him into one of the costumes. Matthew sure would look good in white tie and tails…

* * *

 _A few weeks later..._

"This is such a cliche." Mary said, hiding her expression behind her sunglasses. Her objections weren't strong enough to make her pull away from Matthew as he guided her towards the bridge. Instead, she laced their fingers together as she took a sip of her coffee.

"I don't care." Matthew laughed, squeezing her hand. "We're doing this anyway." He looked over at her, spying a small smile tugging at her lips. So maybe she wasn't as against it as she wanted to appear to be? "Do you have your phone ready?"

"My phone?" She asked in confusion, throwing her now empty coffee cup into the nearest bin. "Why do you…oh, no. No, no, no."

"Oh, yes." Matthew retorted, smiling. "Come on. It'll be just for us."

"You know how I feel about those types of photos." Mary warned. She had made it perfectly clear what her opinion was on multiple occasions. And she knew for a fact that he remembered due to the smile he was sporting.

"Here we are." He stopped at the bridge, pushing his sunglasses up into his hair. "Are you going to sign this or am I going to have to do it for you?" Matthew held out the padlock that he had just purchased and a sharpie.

"I'm doing this in protest." Mary informed him as she took the items from his hand and quickly signed her name. "Now you." Matthew took them back from Mary, writing his own name beneath hers.

"There." He capped the pen with a flourish. "Now where to lock it." Taking Mary's hand, he towed her behind him as he look for a spot to attach their lock.

"There is a spot over here." Mary offered, pointing to a small area that wasn't as densely crowded with other locks.

"Perfect." Matthew opened the lock, moving it until he could fasten it to the bridge railing. "Come here." He tugged on her free arm gently to get her to kneel beside him. She went begrudgingly, carefully maneuvering until she was beside him. "Your phone." Mary stayed silent as she handed it over. Matthew opened the camera app and flipped the screen so he could see them on the screen.

"You could act less like I am punishing you, you know." Matthew frowned. "It's just a selfie."

"I hate selfies. You know I do." Matthew sighed at Mary's stubbornness.

"Yes. But I would like one photo of us from this trip. So indulge me?" Mary just nodded, turning to face the camera. "Smile." Matthew tapped his thumb against the screen. He frowned at the image that came up afterwards. Mary was smiling, but not the smile he was used to seeing, the one that he wanted to see.

"Another." He repositioned the phone, and Mary dutifully smiled again. This time though, right before he tapped the screen, Matthew pressed a kiss to Mary's cheek, lingering long enough to take a photo. Looking at the new image he smiled at the result. He quickly closed the screen before Mary could protest the photo and try to delete it. "There, that wasn't so bad." He stood, holding out his hand to help Mary rise.

"I still hate selfies." Mary reiterated, taking her phone back from him.

"I know you do." He laughed, wrapping his arm around her waist as he threw the keys to the lock into the water. He pressed another kiss to her cheek before allowing Mary to lead them away from the 'cliche' bridge with all the locks on it.

* * *

 _Two weeks later…_

"Hey, Mary? Can I borrow your phone? Mine died last night." Matthew asked through the closed door to the bathroom. He faintly heard Mary's okay through the sound of the shower and the door. "Thanks."

Moving across her bedroom, he unplugged her phone and typed in her password only to pause at the image on her screen. The background of her phone was that selfie from Paris. The one of him kissing her cheek. He found himself smiling at the memory of that day. He had to admit, it was a good photo. She was smiling and he, well, he was kissing her cheek, smiling as well.

Looking towards the bathroom door, he bit back a laugh. He sent copy to himself before dialing for the take away Mary had requested before her shower. Matthew couldn't help but wonder at how long it would take Mary to realize that in order to use her phone, he would see her background image.

"I still hate selfies." Mary broke through his thoughts, answering his question indirectly. She was fresh from the shower, only a towel wrapped around her and keeping his eyes from seeing her bare skin.

"Of course you do." Mary spared him a glance as she wrapped her wet hair up in a towel. "But now I know that in your heart you are just as sentimental as me."

"Haven't you heard? I don't have a heart." It was her immediate answer to anytime he so much as brought up the subject of her heart and her true nature so Matthew gave it no thought.

"Whatever you say, darling. I just know better than to listen by now." He retorted, wrapping his arms around her. Mary's arms came to rest automatically on his shoulders, and he could feel the water from her skin forming wet spots on his shirt, but he didn't care in that moment. Closing the small distance between them, he brushed his lips against hers, once, twice, three times before stepping away. "You should get dressed."

"What? You don't like seeing me in a towel?" She teased, moving towards her wardrobe as she threw her towels onto the bed.

"Oh I do. And I especially like you out of a towel, but I have plans for tonight and I think you would rather be clothed for them." He picked up her phone. "First dinner." Mary silently dressed in front of him, waiting for him to continue. "And then we are going to recreate this photo so I can have my own version."

"So in this plan, I am going to be kissing you this time." Mary pulled a college jumper over her head, flicking her wet hair out of the collar to air dry .

"Mmm." Matthew nodded, smiling brightly. Mary shook her head as she moved past him and into the hall, but not before brushing a kiss to this cheek.

"I still hate selfies. So it'll cost you." Mary reiterated as she walked down the hall. Matthew couldn't help but watch as she walked away, following her with his eyes as she disappeared from sight. That wasn't a no. But he wondered what the cost would be. Knowing Mary, it would be steep.

In the end he got his photo. And it only cost him some of the meal he secretly hated and only ordered to make her happy.

Win - win.

* * *

 **AN: Some more fluffy coupley goodness for you before the next round of drama. Let me know what you think!**


	23. Chapter 22

The situation was awkward to say the least.

Matthew took the glass of champagne offered to him by one of the servers and sipped at it slowly. He needed to stay sober tonight.

Tony was holding court on the other side of the room. He wasn't exactly ignoring him, but he wasn't welcoming either. Not that Matthew blamed him. After all, the last time he had spoken with the man it was after he had walked in on him kissing the woman he thought himself in love with. Even Matthew would have had a hard time facing Tony had the situation been reversed.

Overall, it was just a terrible situation. There was a part of Matthew that regretted how it all went down because deep down, he knew Tony wasn't evil. Misguided, but not bad. And all he wanted was to make Mary happy, which is all that Matthew wanted as well.

It was just a terrible situation.

Which it seemed, was about to get worse. Or at least more uncomfortable.

"Matthew." One of Tony's friends, clapped him on the shoulder as he led him towards the group. "We were wondering where you were." The group of men around Tony all welcomed him warmly, but Tony just nodded at him again. No one else seemed to notice.

"I got held up. My tutor wanted to discuss something." The lie came easily and everyone seemed to accept it.

"Well, we were discussing the possibility of heading to the pub. You know, ditching this weak stuff and grabbing a pint or two. You in?" All eyes were on him, even Tony's.

"Yeah, sure. I could use a pint."

* * *

Matthew could, without a doubt, say he was sober. The pint he had purchased when they first entered the pub was the same one he was nursing now. He couldn't say that about the rest of the guys though. They had passed through tipsy and into drunk long ago.

"I'd give her a seven." Rick slurred, pointing at some woman across the room.

"Who?" Travis whipped his head around, trying to see who Rick pointed to.

"The ginger. And you know what they say about gingers…make her an eight." Rick continued, signaling for another pint.

"I think you've had enough." Tony spoke up, waving off the next pint that Rick had ordered.

"Never enough, Tony." Rick smiled, returning to scouting out the room. "Help me find some company for tonight."

"I won't inflict you on some poor woman." Tony retorted and Matthew hid a snort by taking a drag from his glass.

"Kill joy. Just because Mabel is waiting for you at home doesn't mean you have to ruin my fun." Rick twisted in his chair until his back was to Tony. "Matthew, help a man out here."

"I think it's time I head out. You're on your own." Matthew patted him on the shoulder as he stood up.

"Both of you, kill joys. Him, I get." Rick hooked a thumb in Tony's direction. "You, I know for a fact you haven't gotten any. The cold and careful Mary Crawley. Does she even let you kiss her?"

Matthew's hands curled into fists, but he buried them in his pockets. "I suggest you don't say such things about my girlfriend in front of me."

Rick just shrugged. "'S true. She'll make you wait until there's a ring on her finger."

"Rick. Shut up before he decks you. You don't even know what you are talking about." Tony tried to quiet his friend, but to no avail.

"We know you got nada." Rick stood up with a hand on Tony's shoulder, using him for balance. "And she ain't been with anyone else. Logically." Rick tapped his forehead. "Logic." Rick walked off, waving for another pint. "Travis! Where are you?" He could be heard shouting as he melted into the crowd around the bar.

"I'm going to go." Matthew pushed his drink aside and grabbed his coat. His hands were still clenched into fists and it took all his willpower not to hit Rick to shut him up.

"I haven't said anything about Mary." Tony spoke, breaking Matthew away from his violent thoughts. "I wouldn't do that to her."

Matthew took a deep breath and let it out slowly, feeling some of his irritation dissipating. Some, but not all. "I know." He finally responded, calm enough to shrug on his coat. "See you around."

"Bye." Tony walked off, probably to make sure his friends didn't do anything else stupid. Matthew left before he could follow through with his impulse to find Rick and use him as a punching bag.

* * *

Leaving the pub, Matthew had decided to walk home. He needed the extra time to burn off some of his anger at Rick and the walk would do him some good.

Without realizing it though, he had steered himself towards Mary's flat, but he hesitated once he was at the door. It was late. Maybe he should just go home because he knew Mary would ask what happened and he really didn't want to tell her. He mentally warred with himself for a few moments before the decision was taken out of his hands. His phone rang loudly in the quiet and he hurried to answer it. Digging it out of his pocket, he saw Mary's picture flash on the screen before hitting accept.

"Matthew?" She sounded confused. He could hear her moving in the flat through the phone and then the lock on the front door unbolted. "You're here." She hung up, smiling at him as she ushered him in. He dropped his phone back into his coat pocket as he crossed the threshold.

"Hi." He smiled, stepping into the warmth of her flat and immediately wrapping her in his arms. Mary was surprised at the fierceness of the embrace, but after a moment wrapped her own arms around his shoulders.

"Hello to you, too." Mary sound bemused as she returned his greeting.

"Sorry." Matthew shook his head as he took a step back. Not far enough away that he had to drop his arms that were currently resting on her waist, but enough to look at her face.

"It's perfectly alright." Mary brushed her hand over his cheek as she catalogued his expression. Her fingers traced his features as her hand trailed down to settle on his chest before she spoke again. By her expression Matthew knew that Mary had a figured out his mood at the moment. "Do you want to tell me what's bothering you?" Matthew forced himself to smile as he shook his head.

"Later. I'll tell you later." Mary seemed to accept this as she finally stepped away and led him further into the flat.

"Alright then." She agreed, but the look she gifted him made it clear that she would be expecting him to tell her at some point. "What can I do to cheer you in the mean time?"

"You don't have to do anything." Matthew insisted, once again closing the distance between them and pulling her close to him. "Being with you is enough." He said this last part in a whisper. He could tell when the words registered with Mary as she melted into his embrace ever so slightly.

He felt her lips on his cheek before she stepped back. "Come. Let's go to bed." She held out her hand and he took it without a second thought. It was only then that he realized that Mary was dressed for bed, her face scrubbed clean of make-up and her hair braided down her back.

"I don't have anything to sleep in here." Matthew looked down at his own attire, his business casual attire slightly rumpled after being at the pub.

"I think I can handle you sleeping in your boxers. Just this once." She flashed him a smirk over her shoulder as she walked towards her bedroom with him trailing behind her.

"Maybe you could join me?" He fingered the soft fabric of her nightgown, hitching the hem up ever so slightly. As he entered her bedroom, he quickly tossed his jacket aside, fingers already undoing the buttons to his shirt.

Mary helped him undress, her fingers undoing the tie around his neck and slipping it off. "Maybe." She teased, undoing the buckle to his belt next and sliding that off as well. Matthew stopped trying to undress himself, mesmerized by the sight of Mary slowly doing it herself. He stepped out of his shoes as Mary released the button and fly on his trousers, letting them drop to the ground as he backed her towards the bed. Clad now in only his boxers and unbuttoned shirt, Matthew wrapped his arms around her back, hands pulling up at the nightgown so he could feel her skin beneath his hands. Her hands spread across his chest, pushing at the shirt so it fell to the pile of clothing at his feet.

Basically skin to skin, Matthew pulled the nightgown up over her head, receiving no resistance from Mary as she pressed close to him once the garment was added to his pile of discarded clothing. "You know, this wasn't what I had in mind when I came over." Mary breathed out a huff of disbelief as she ran her hands down his shoulders. "Truly." Matthew insisted, dropping his head down until his forehead rested against her's. His own hands wandered across the smooth skin of her back, up her sides and then back down again.

"We can get dressed if you don't want –" Mary tried to tease but Matthew wouldn't let her.

"No." Matthew interrupted, pulling her even closer with his hands on her lower back. Mary breathed a laugh against his lips as he pulled her in for another, longer, deeper kiss. Slowly, he carefully backed her up to the bed, mindful of all the clothing scatted on the floor around them. He kept his lips on hers as they lowered onto the bed, only breaking away when they were settled comfortably against the pillows, his elbows braced on the mattress beside her shoulders so he hovered ever so slightly above her. Their collective breathing was slightly labored, sounding louder than it really was in the quiet that surrounded them. Mary's fingers twisted into his hair, combing back the pieces that fell into his face. "I love you. So terribly much." He whispered the words, even though they were not a secret. Her eyes met his and he could see the same sentiment reflected back at him, even though she didn't say the words. He knew Mary wasn't the type to just throw the word around, but he needed to say it, needed her to know it.

"I know you do." She finally replied, using the hand tangled in his hair to pull him down for another kiss. His lips moved to press kisses against her the column of her throat when he heard her whisper, "I love you, too." He paused, his lips settled against her pulse, before he continued with renewed attention, Mary's words spurring him on.

* * *

"You never did explain what happened earlier." Mary said on a yawn as she curled into him. Matthew pulled the duvet up to cover their exposed skin from the slight chill in the air.

"Hmm?" He was on the cusp of sleep, way too comfortable with Mary resting against him for him to be concerned with anything else at the moment. How could be think of anything else at the moment but her? Mary seemed to give up pressing the issue, shuffling closer to him as her eyes fluttered shut as sleep claimed her.

Vague notions of Mary 'needing' a ring passed through his mind and he pushed that absurd thought aside. He already had a ring in mind, and was working out how to get it for her. Because while Mary didn't 'need' a ring, he sure as hell wanted to get her one.

* * *

 _Some days later..._

Matthew stared at himself in the mirror as the tailor moved around him. The man moved around him quickly, checking all the pinned spots to make sure the fit was perfect. Throughout this whole process, Matthew felt like one of those mannequins in the store shop windows. The tailor had positioned him as necessary and Matthew had worked hard not to move, partly out of fear of the straight pins holding together the pieces of his custom tailored suit, but mostly out of fear of the tailor glaring at him through the mirror.

"So the black, navy, charcoal, gray, and pewter." Mary pointed out the bolts of fabric to assistant hovering at her side.

"Are you sure I need –". Matthew began only to be hushed by Mary.

"Yes." Mary narrowed her eyes at him through the mirror and Matthew knew that meant to stop talking. "When will they be ready?"

The assistant's voice was too soft for Matthew to hear from where he was standing before the mirror so he gave up trying. It didn't matter anyway. Matthew found he had very little say in this process.

"You can go change now." The tailor gave him a last look over, nodding to himself. "Hang them up carefully." Matthew nodded and hurried behind the curtain. Shedding the pinned suit quickly, he pulled on his own clothing and hurried out to join Mary. She has staring at a waistcoat when he joined her.

"I think you should get some of these as well." Mary turned to him with an appraising eye before turning back to the waiting tailor. "Can you fit him for this as well?" The tailor hurried to grab the necessary items and Matthew opened his mouth to protest.

"Don't even start." Mary held up her hand. "You agreed to this. And I am going to make sure you have all that you need."

"I thought you meant one. Maybe two. Not a whole wardrobe." Matthew grumbled softly, crossing his arms over his chest. Mary turned to face him, settling her hands on his upper arms.

"My graduation gift. My terms." She pressed a kiss to his cheek, careful not to transfer any of her lipstick to his skin. "Besides, we are almost done here." Matthew forced himself to relax at her words, ignoring the part of his subconscious that wanted to object to Mary's spending on his clothing. He knew when to pick his battles. Why fight when he already clearly lost this one?

"Right over here, Mr. Crawley." The tailor ushered him back to the mirror, tape measure already position against Matthew's back.

"At least I can wear my own clothes for this." Matthew joked lightly to Mary, holding his arms aloft as the tailor circled the tape measure around him.

"A silver lining, Matthew." Mary smiled at him through the mirror which Matthew couldn't help but return as he watched her pick the fabrics for the waistcoats.

* * *

Matthew was feeling slightly self conscious as he stood before the mirror. After fitting him for a waistcoat, the tailor had asked for Matthew to get back into his recently pinned up suit. It was so he could see if there were any last alterations needed, the tailor had said, but Matthew didn't argue. Instead, he just ducked behind the curtain and carefully donned the suit. By the time he had emerged, Mary had disappeared, as had the tailor and the assistant, leaving Matthew to stare at his own reflection.

"I'm surprised to see you here, Matthew." Matthew looked around for the voice and saw Tony standing by the entrance. "Getting a new suit?"

Tony walked towards him, Matthew carefully turned to face him, more than conscious of the pins threatening to skewer him alive. "Hello, Tony. I didn't expect to see you here either."

"Picking up an order." Tony looked calm despite the tense atmosphere that surrounded them. Since that night out at the bar, and the choice words some of Tony's friends had for Mary, the already cool friendship between the two of them had turned icy. "Look, about the other night…"

"Don't mention it." Matthew said, and while the words were casual, his voice was not. He hadn't exactly told Mary the details of that night, wanting to spare her from it all. She didn't need to know, he was sure of that. And he was afraid that if Tony tried to apologize, Mary would become all too aware of what he hadn't told her.

"They were out of line. But they were drunk and even when sober, they all seem to lack a filter." Tony scrubbed his hand over the back of his neck as he looked away from Matthew's cold glare.

"That's for damn sure." Matthew moved to shove his clenched hands into his pockets only to realize he was still dressed in his pinned up suit.

"I hope Mary knows –". Tony began only to be cut off as Mary herself reemerged from wherever she had been.

"Hope I know what?" Mary stepped up the pair, looking at Tony curiously. "Hello, Tony." She leaned over to press a kiss to his cheek in greeting.

"Mary." Tony looked at Matthew quickly before focusing back on Mary. "It's nice to see you." He changed the topic at Matthew's pointed look. "It's been awhile."

"It has." Mary nodded, focusing on Matthew as the tailor returned and re-pinned some loose pins before shooing him off. "How are you? And Mabel?" She continued, maintaining the polite conversation as Matthew disappeared to change. Matthew tried to hurry as he listened to the continuing conversation.

"I've been well. Mabel is great." Tony looked down at his shoes before meeting her eye. "I don't know what Matthew's told you about what my friends said, but I hope you know that I didn't tell them anything. I would never do that." Matthew cursed under his breath as he quickly threw back on his own clothes. Of course Tony and his damned noble streak would have to apologize. As much as he appreciated Tony's sincerity, sometimes he just wanted to tell the man to shut the hell up.

Mary opened her mouth to reply, before shutting it quickly to consider her words carefully. She wasn't sure what Tony was referring to but she couldn't let him know that. "I know that, Tony." She finally settled on, offering him a tight smile. She spotted Matthew emerging from the dressing room and took it as an opening to end the conversation. "Are you ready to go?" She turned to completely face him, accepting without hesitation the way Matthew took her hand and laced their fingers together. But the look she shot him made his stomach clench slightly. Mary wasn't best pleased with him. Damn it.

Tony seemed to notice the awkwardness that surrounded them so he quickly tried to extract himself. "I'll let you two get back to your day. I just have to get my order." Tony waved, hurrying towards one of the assistants that always seemed to hover at the edge of the room.

"I settled the order. We have another appointment in three weeks." Mary informed him, pulling him out of the shop and onto the busy pavement. Matthew followed silently, well aware that Mary was waiting for some privacy before she told him what was on her mind. They walked in silence as they navigated the crowds on the pavement and Matthew allowed Mary to usher him into a restaurant where they were quickly seated in the quiet dining room.

Matthew knew Mary was going to immediately ask about Tony so he tried to preempt her. "You shouldn't have been so excessive in that shop. I don't need so many new suits."

"It wasn't excessive. And I did nothing. It was a gift from my parents. I didn't tell you because I wasn't sure you would accept it from them." She focused her eyes on his, lips pursed into a small frown. "I know what you are doing."

"That was kind of them." Matthew replied, picking up his menu and scanning it, if only to avoid Mary's intense gaze.

"Matthew." She was insistent. "Are you going to pretend to look at the menu or would you rather just tell me?"

"Mary, it was nothing. I promise." Matthew set the menu down, meeting her gaze.

"Then why won't you just tell me?" She had a point and Matthew tried to figure out a way to tell her without unduly upsetting her. Coming up with nothing, he settled for the truth.

"You remember that night that I came by your place just as you were calling me?" At Mary's nod, he continued. "So you probably also remember that I was with Tony and his friends at that pub before hand?"

"Matthew, I know all this." Mary was clearly frustrated at his stalling. "Tony made it seem like something serious happened. Will you just tell me?"

"Some of the other guys were trying to find some women to hook up with and felt it necessary to comment on my own status."

"So they said something about me. Knowing those boys, it was probably something along the lines of me being a frigid bitch or something." Mary seemed unbothered by this, her face softening ever so slightly.

"They seemed to know that you and Tony were never, never," he searched for the right word, "intimate and by their logic they assumed we hadn't been as well. And that you were just trying to trap me into marrying you before we would be."

"That last part is new." Mary seemed slightly amused at this, relaxing back into her chair. "It was Rick that said this?"

"How? How did you know?" Matthew was surprised at Mary's acceptance of this.

"Rick's just sour because I turned him down, as would any person with common sense. The only reason he has any relationships is because of the millions of pounds residing in his bank account." Mary took up the menu at that pronouncement. "Let's order, shall we?"

"Er, yeah, sure." The waiter seemed to materialize out of thin air and Mary began to place her order.

* * *

"You seem rather unperturbed by what Rick said." Matthew began once they were alone again.

"It's nothing I haven't heard before. And from him directly, no less." Mary shrugged, reaching for her wine glass.

"Mary." He reached across the table, brushing the tips of her fingers with his own. "You don't have to pretend."

"Would you rather me be upset?" This seemed to upset her more than his previous admission.

"No. But I can tell when you are holding back. You don't have to. Not with me." He said it softly, stroking his fingers over her palm as he spoke.

"You know normally, I would reply that it can't bother me because it's well known that I don't have a heart. But I doubt that excuse would work on you." Matthew's smirk only confirmed that. "I am choosing not to let it bother me. Rick has a habit of speaking without thinking and this is just one in a long line of things. And besides, what's between us is ours. He doesn't need to know anything about us, intimate or otherwise."

"I agree." Matthew nodded. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before."

"You should have." Mary admonished him, sipping at her wine. "But I understand why you didn't." Matthew felt the guilt he had developed at keeping this from her burn off at her words. "In the future, you will tell me."

"Of course." He took her hand in his, kissing the soft skin on the back of her hand.

"And not to upset you unnecessarily, but I hope you know Tony was lying." Mary kept her hand within his, feeling his grasp tighten at her words.

"What?" Matthew seemed slightly bewildered.

"What is your default thinking when you know a couple? That they are sleeping together, right? I mean, unless you know explicitly otherwise." Mary explained, meeting Matthew's eye to see if he had caught on yet to what she was saying. By the blank look on his face, he hadn't. "So how else would Rick know that I hadn't slept with Tony?" It was then that Matthew's lips dipped into a frown, his brow furrowed.

"You think Tony told them?" Mary shrugged in response to his question, slipping her hand from his as the waiter returned with their appetizers.

"Tony can be quite," she paused, seemingly searching for the word, "insecure. No doubt he was seeking some sort of reassurance from them. But I wouldn't worry about it."

"Why's that?" Matthew didn't understand Mary's nonchalance.

"Because if what I've heard about Mabel is true, she'll make sure he doesn't need such reassurances in the future."

"That doesn't make what he did right, or okay." Matthew argued, and Mary could sense the anger building up in him.

"No. It doesn't." Mary agreed easily. "But I'm done trying to make myself feel anything more than indifferent towards him."

"The next time I see him…" Matthew trailed off threateningly, muttering the rest underneath his breath so Mary couldn't hear him.

"You won't. Whatever it is you want to do to him, you won't. I won't allow you." Mary took his hand as it rested on the table, squeezing his fingers to get his attention. Matthew looked her directly in the eye and they stared at each other in silence for a few moments before Matthew gave in with a small sigh, nodding his agreement. "Now can we forget about this? Because, frankly, I have better things to occupy with my thoughts."

"Such as?" Matthew played along, allowing Mary to change the subject. But couldn't agree to forget about it. His anger wouldn't let him.

* * *

 **AN: So fluff + some little bit of drama. You didn't think I was going to forget about Carlisle did you?**

 **Let me know what you think!**


	24. Chapter 23

"Reading during lunch? Well, that would make anyone think you didn't want to speak with them." The comment was accompanied by the sound of a plate clinking with the table as it was set down. Mary recognized the voice from the first syllable uttered and didn't want to look up from her book, but she also knew he wouldn't go away until she at least acknowledged him.

"Well damn Rick, I didn't realize that I was being unsociable. Let me fix that right now." She met his eye, and slowly turned to the next page of her book before returning her eyes to new page.

"It's a good thing we are such good friends then. I know not to be dissuaded by such things." Mary looked at him from the corner of her eye, making it clear she wasn't in the mood for games. He just smirked, so she finally looked up and fixed him a hard glare with one eye brow raised.

"What is it you want, Rick?" His smirk didn't falter even in the face of her inscrutable expression.

"I have a proposition for you." He folded his arms over the table, leaning close as if he was imparting state secrets over lunch in the college dining hall. "You and I. The college ball. There'll be dancing and drinking and then that which does not exist." Mary's already deep frown only got more severe as he spoke. By the end, she had to press her lips together to keep from saying something she knew she would ultimately regret.

Breathing through her nose, she counted to ten in her head before speaking. "I have a boyfriend. You've met him. His name is Matthew." She refused to even acknowledge the last part of his proposal. She wanted nothing to do with it. Not anymore and never again.

"Please. Can he even afford the ticket to get in?" Rick scoffed, finally look down at his food and digging into his meal.

"Good bye, Rick." Mary stood, hastily shoving her book into her bag and grabbing her plate.

"Here." He spoke between bites, holding out a familiar looking envelope and seal. Mary had gotten too many of those for her liking over the years and now she was done with it. She always wondered though, if the club technically didn't exist, why did they always pass out formal invitations? She brushed passed him, ignoring the proffered envelope and placing her plate down in the proper place to be cleaned. She was just about to leave the dining hall when she heard his voice calling towards her and she couldn't help but pause for a moment to hear what he said.

"Do tell your sister that I love her videos." The whole dining hall seemed to grow quiet at his raised voice, she could feel all the eyes now probably focused on her burning into her back. Mary didn't deign to respond, choosing to ignore his bait and continue as if she hadn't heard him.

She would forever regret the day that she met Richard Carlisle all those years ago.

* * *

"I got your message, what's the emergency?" Matthew sounded slightly out of breath, as if he had been running. Mary turned in her desk chair, arms crossed over her chest. Matthew stared at her as he waited for her to speak. "What's wrong?"

"This." Mary grabbed her laptop, clicking on the screen before shoving it into his hands. Matthew dropped onto the end of her bed, looking over at Mary in concern before he ever looked down at the screen. "Watch." She insisted, leaning over and clicking again. Music floated through the speakers and Matthew dropped his eyes from examining Mary to watch whatever video she had queued up.

" _Hi everyone, Eddie here, and here's what my week was like._ " Matthew's eyes widened as he saw Edith's smiling face talk on the screen.

"Your sister made a video." Matthew stated the obvious, hitting pause as he turned to Mary once again.

"Videos. Plural." Mary corrected, arms once again crossed over her chest.

"What are they about?" Matthew looked back down at the screen, scrolling down to read the comments.

"Her life? I don't know, I didn't watch all of them." Mary took the laptop back from him, setting it down on her desk and turning back to face him.

"She's vlogging?" Matthew clarified, still staring at the screen over Mary's shoulder.

"Is that what that's called?" Mary turned her chair back around, clicking on the link to bring her back to Edith's main page. "And since when does she call herself Eddie? She hates nicknames. Always has."

"Does it matter?" Matthew stood, watching over Mary's shoulder as she randomly clicked on videos only to hit pause and then scroll down to the comments.

"Since she's talking about us, I would say yes." She highlighted a discussion thread which had her name followed closely by Matthew's.

"Maybe we should watch some before you say anything." Matthew took the laptop and settled back on her bed, this time reclining against the pillows and beckoning her to join him.

"I'd really rather not." Mary made a sour face as if the mere thought of it offended her.

"Come on. She won't know and I won't tell anyone." He cajoled her, patting the bed beside him. She waited a moment before signing and joining him. Unlike her habit of resting against him whenever they laid in bed like this, Mary kept herself tense, arms crossed.

"Let's just get this over with." She finally agreed and Matthew hit play on the first video.

* * *

"She gave herself her own reality show." Mary concluded as they finished the last of the videos.

"She does talk about issues important to her." Matthew tried to reason, even though he agreed with Mary. After watching the dozen or so videos on Edith's channel, Matthew didn't know exactly what to think. She had mentioned Mary and him a few times, almost always to say just how mismatched they seemed as a couple while also pointing out that she liked him more than her own sister. She had never shown a photo of them, for which he was grateful, but he wasn't sure he liked being talked about by strangers on the Internet.

"She wants to be famous. And is using our family's status and these videos to do it." Mary shifted down on the bed until her head was resting on her pillow.

"I wouldn't worry about it." He noted the small amount of subscribers for her channel and gave an internal sigh of relief. At least Edith wasn't some internet celebrity. Yet. "You should support her."

"Because she's so supportive of me." Mary snorted, closing her eyes. "You heard what she said about me in the videos where she thought I wouldn't find it."

"How did you find it?" Matthew set the laptop aside, shifting until he was resting like Mary. He reached out and took one of her hands in his, lacing their fingers together as he spoke.

"Richard bloody Carlisle." She muttered, turning on her side to face him. She felt his hand tense within hers at the mention of that man's name. Since that night in the pub, he hadn't spoken to the man instead choosing to give him a wide berth. Matthew firmly believed that being drunk didn't equal saying things you didn't mean, but rather saying things you knew you probably shouldn't mention. And what he had said about Mary hinted to Matthew that Rick was thinking a lot more about Mary than she was thinking about him. The idea didn't exactly fill Matthew with warm feelings for the guy.

"What did he want?" Matthew was proud that he was able to tramp down the anger he felt towards Rick so it wasn't obvious in his voice.

"He asked me to go to the college ball. I refused, of course." Mary replied, shrugging it off as if it was expected that Rick would try something like this. Matthew turned on his side to face her, frustration clear in his features.

"He has some nerve. As if I was a bad boyfriend and wouldn't escort my own girlfriend to her college ball." Matthew scoffed, releasing Mary's hand to push himself up until he was sitting upright.

"I thought we weren't going." Mary sat up beside him.

"Of course we are. I already bought my ticket." Matthew scoffed again. "Why would you assume otherwise?"

"You never said anything." Mary pushed gently on Matthew's shoulder to force him to look at her. Matthew stared at her in confusion before his cheeks started to heat up in embarrassment.

"I thought I had. I must have forgotten." He scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. "I'm sorry." He leaned over to press a kiss to her lips. "Mary, could I please take you to your college ball?"

"Hmm." Mary pretended to consider it for a moment, tapping her finger against her chin in contemplation. "I don't know. You see, I got another offer –" She didn't get to finish as Matthew cut her off by kissing her again. She draped her arms over his shoulders as he deepened the kiss, slowly leaning them back towards the bed until he was hovering above her. When they finally separated, Mary wiped her thumb across his lips, clearing the lipstick that had smudged there.

"I'm looking forward to it." Matthew admitted as he settled flush against her side. "I'm sorry I forgot to ask."

Mary just shrugged, using her fingers to comb through his hair lightly. "Maybe you aren't as perfect as Edith describes you to be in her videos."

"I wouldn't worry about those." Matthew took her hand from his hair, and brought it to his lips so he could press a kiss to her palm. "What harm could it do?" He asked, but he didn't wait for an answer, using his hold of her hand to place kisses down her arm. He continued on to any exposed skin once he reached the boundary of her shirt, fingers slowly flicking open the small buttons to reveal more.

"When you do that, I forget that I should actually be upset." Mary said breathlessly, helping him as he fumbled with the last few buttons on her shirt. Matthew wasn't sure if she was referring to Edith, or Rick, or himself, but he didn't much care.

"So it's working then." Matthew said smugly, meeting her eye briefly before continuing with his task.

"I hate you." She moaned as he hit a particularly sensitive spot, causing her to arch into his touch.

"I don't believe you." Matthew said smugly, returning to stare into her eyes, before scattering kisses all over her face.

"You better kiss me before I get cross." Mary warned him, pouting as he avoided her lips.

"Now that I can do." He agreed, fusing his lips against hers and wrapping his arms around her, his intentions clear. Mary found she couldn't think much past where his hands were or the path his lips were taking down her chest. Her earlier irritation was lost with each brush of his lips against her skin until her thoughts were consumed with Matthew and Matthew only.

Later, as Matthew rummaged through her kitchen to find them something to eat, Mary privately conceded that Edith had been right about one thing concerning her relationship with Matthew. He sure did know how to distract her. And she found she didn't mind. Not at all. After all, it was a much better way to spend an evening.

* * *

 **AN: Thanks for reading!**


	25. Chapter 24

Matthew couldn't help his leg from bouncing up and down as he sat waiting for the disciplinary committee to call for him. Mary sat beside him, seemingly calm as she scrolled through messages on her phone. After the 'incident', as Matthew had come to call it to himself, people had been basically harassing her for details, not that she was particularly forthcoming. Rather, Mary had stayed silent on what had happened so all that existed was speculation. And that was rampant.

He ran both his hands through his hair, and based on the number of times he had done it already, he was sure it was a mess. His normally neatly combed hair probably resembled more of a bird's nest at this point, but he couldn't help himself from doing it yet again. 'A nervous habit', he had explained once to Mary when she saw him doing it while revising for an exam. He hadn't had much cause to be nervous since that moment so it wasn't surprising to him that he could see her looking at him from the corner of his eye. And he had reason to be nervous. He knew what ever the outcome of this disciplinary meeting was could jeopardize all his future plans, as well as Mary's.

"It's going to be fine." Mary's words of comfort were nice, but not all that comforting. "They'll fine us and then send us on our way." She continued, her fingers reaching out and attempting to smooth out his mussed up hair.

"You don't know that for sure. Who knows what Rick and Tony told them. They probably said I instigated it, that I threw the first punch." He hunched over, arms propped up on his knees as he steepled his fingers over his mouth. "And they wouldn't even be lying!"

"Be quiet." Mary scolded him, looking at the closed doors at the end of the hall in which the disciplinary committee was assembling. "No matter what those two told them, you will be fine." She ran her hand over his back, in some attempt to soothe him, but it didn't help as he shrugged her off.

"You forget that I'm not like you or Tony or even bloody Rick. I'm not even in this college. I don't have the requisite bank account. They have no reason to be lenient with me. And I don't expect them to." He was too wrapped up in his own rant to notice how Mary shrank back at his words, how her face hardened with each barb.

"Stop throwing yourself a pity party, it isn't attractive." Mary snapped back, crossing her arms over her chest and angling her crossed legs so that she could kick him in the shin which she did to force his attention back on her. "News flash, my background has nothing to do with my position here. It doesn't." Mary insisted at Matthew's scoff. "Or did you forget that I went against family tradition of going to that other university to come here. I'm not some sort of legacy and my father doesn't have pull with the Rector. Here, we are all equal. All subject to the same rules and the same punishments." But her words didn't penetrate the haze of self righteous anger that enveloped Matthew. They sounded hollow and like a fantasy to him.

"I love you, Mary, but you can be incredibly blind when you want to be." He stood, pacing the small length of hall in front of the bench where she as seated and watching him.

"Lady Mary Crawley." A stern voice announced, causing both of them to look up. "If you would join us." It was phrased as a question, but based on the pinched expression on the woman's face, it wasn't meant as such.

Mary stood, smoothing out skirt of her dress before grabbing her gown from the bench and slipping it on. She spared Matthew only a fleeting look, and Matthew was unsurprised to see the anger in her eyes.

Mary's heels clicked loudly on the tile floor and could still be heard as she passed through the doorway and into the room. "We'll be with you in a moment ." The woman then announced before closing the door with a thud.

* * *

"Take a seat please, Lady Mary." The expression on the woman's face smoothed out slightly from its previously pinched look, but she still looked unhappy to be there. She gestured to a lone chair at the end of a long table, and at the other end, the head of her college and the rest of the disciplinary committee sat silently. There was an additional person seated with them, and Mary assumed it was a representative from Matthew's college. Mary met their gaze evenly, taking the proffered seat and folding her hands in her lap.

"Lady Mary, I want to begin by saying that you are not in any trouble." It was the sub-Rector speaking and she looked down the table at her gravely. Mary nodded, already well aware that she hadn't been summoned due to anything she had done. "But based on the chaos that surrounds the events in question and the unreliability of the views of those chiefly involved, we want you to tell us what happened. What you tell us won't leave this room so do feel free to tell us honestly what happened." Mary nodded again. The committee exchanged glances with each other before the sub-rector spoke again. "Why don't you begin by telling us what happened?"

Mary opened her mouth to speak before closing it again and reconsidering her words. She wet her lips and shifted in her seat to stall before finally sighing and beginning her explanation. "It wasn't Matthew's fault."

* * *

 _Two days earlier…_

"Wristband?" The guard at the door requested, scanning the little barcode on the band and checking his screen before waving Matthew past. Mary stood waiting just beyond, having cleared the entrance moments before.

"Ready?" Matthew settled his hand on the small of her back, ushering her forward into the mass of other students waiting to filter onto the transformed college grounds.

"Promise me that you won't make a fool of yourself, should you come face to face with Tony and his lot." Mary asked. She had asked him before they had left for the ball, and the night before that and the night before that. He had agreed each and every previous time, so why she felt the need to ask again, he didn't know.

"You do you assume I'd make a fool of myself? Tony's the fool." Matthew joked away the question, only to be met with Mary's eye roll.

"It's because I know you, you stupidly noble man." She bumped her shoulder against his and he feigned a wounded expression.

"I wouldn't call being noble, being stupid. It's like an oxymoron." Mary narrowed her eyes at his answer and he gave in with a sigh as they finally passed through onto the ground. "Yes, I promise." He grabbed two flutes of champagne from the tables set up around the entrance, handing one to Mary as they stepped further into the ball. "But I doubt we'll run into them. After all, look at this place, it's huge." He downed the champagne, dropping the flute onto an abandoned table before taking her hand. "I'm sure after three years, you know of some secluded spots. Let's go stake our claim on one."

"I may know of some secret spots the ball committee set up." Mary finished her champagne and discarded the plastic flute into the trash. "But first the bar." She allowed Matthew to take her hand as they shuffled towards the nearest bar.

"Sounds like a perfect plan." Matthew couldn't help but smile, leaning down for a kiss. For once, Mary didn't even try to put up a token protest at the PDA and Matthew took that as a sign. It was going to be a fantastic night.

* * *

"You know, it's incredibly ironic." Matthew mused aloud. His arm was draped over Mary's shoulder as they swayed slightly in the small hammock that was supposed to act like a bench, but more uncomfortable. After finding one of those more secluded areas (and by secluded, he meant less in the flow of traffic. There will still quite a few people milling in the area around them), Matthew had followed through with his idea of staking a claim to a spot and not really leaving. It had taken them a few adjustments to get comfortable in the hammock but once they had, Matthew hadn't really wanted to get up. Part of that was due to his apathy for the ball in general. He had no desire to get drunk, or dance the night away, which was the primary function of these types of events. But the larger part was due to the fact that the only comfortable way to really sit in this contraption was for Mary to lean into him, resting most of her weight against him. They were basically cuddling, but in public. And Matthew wasn't about to disrupt that.

"What's ironic?" Mary's head was resting against his shoulder, her fingers twisting the buttons of his shirt almost to the point of distraction.

"Silent discos are not really silent." Matthew laughed, raising his drink to his lips for a sip. The gin and tonic had pretty much gone flat, but he wasn't going to get up to get another.

"When you get that many drunken people into one spot, silence is scientifically impossible." Mary shot back, but with a smile. Matthew's responding laughter was quiet compared to the noise from the main part of the ball.

"True." He pushed his foot against the ground, setting them to sway slightly as they listened to the sounds of the ball. Mary looked up at Matthew, only to see his eyes closed as he continued to make them away gently. She didn't stop the impulse she felt to brush her fingers over his lips, causing him to blink his eyes open in surprise.

"Like what you see?" He teased, kissing her fingers as they fluttered past before trailing down his neck.

"It's alright." It as hard to shrug the way she was seated but Matthew understood her teasing.

"Just alright." He muttered in response, shaking his head. "I'll have you know that my girlfriend finds me completely irresistible. Just alright. Ha!" He scoffed, his gaze focused on her face. Every few seconds, Mary could see his eyes flicker down to where she leaned against him. The angle was just right for allowing him a peek at what was underneath her dress.

"Does she really? Well, maybe –". She trailed off as her eyes fixed on someone over Matthew's shoulder. As the person turned towards them, she recognized Tony and she immediately tensed, causing Matthew to turn from teasing to serious in an instant.

"What is it?" He couldn't look see Tony from his angle and Mary was grateful.

"Nothing. Nothing." She patted her hand against his chest, pulling away and trying to sit up. "I just need to stand up and walk. I think we should go see the rest of the ball while we have a chance."

"But–". Matthew frowned, but stood helping Mary out of the complicated seat.

"Come on." She purposefully tried to be flirty, a tactic she only used because of her desire to be as far from Tony as possible. And while most of her attention was focused on Matthew, part of her was acutely aware that Tony could at any moment spot them.

"The things I do for you." Matthew said fondly, standing and settling his hands on her waist. "Alright, let's explore." He leaned in for a kiss and Mary wanted to fall into it, but couldn't. Because at the moment Matthew pressed his lips to hers, Mary saw Tony spot them and begin to move towards them, his group of friends trailing behind.

"Let's go." Mary stepped back, pulling his hands from her waist and using them to tow him further into the ball. Thankfully it was dark enough that Tony didn't see them as they merged into the crowd and Mary finally let out the breath she had been holding.

* * *

"You look breathtaking." The compliment came from over her shoulder. The voice was a familiar one, but not a welcome one. Mary suppressed her shutter of disgust.

"What do you want, Rick?" She couldn't keep her exasperation in check as she spoke to him. She refused to turn and look at him, instead focusing on Matthew as he waded through the crowd at the bar to get her a drink.

"Can't I just pay you a compliment?" He stepped into her eye line, smugness radiating off him in waves. And it wasn't just by his behavior. His tux was outlandish, ostentatious just to show he could afford to do so.

"Save your compliments for your date. Surely she wants to hear them, while I, on the other hand, do not." She hated the way Rick seemed to take pleasure from her rebukes, his eyes lighting up with joy at every jab.

"I'll have you know I'm dateless tonight. Flying solo. On the prowl. Sowing my wild oats. You know." He laughed at his own words and Mary had to stop herself from scowling.

"What do you want, Rick." Her patience had been used up and all she wanted was for him to be gone.

"I think we should talk, you and I." He leaned close as he spoke, so close that Mary could feel his breath on her cheek. Mary's eyes instinctively flickered towards Matthew where he stood collecting their now completed drinks and turning back towards them. Rick followed her gaze, and stepped back, but he had a devious expression on his face that sent chills down Mary's spine.

"Mary." Matthew's voice was wary as he stepped up to her side. She took her vodka and cranberry from him gratefully, using the excuse of taking a drink from having to speak. "Richard Carlisle. Long time, no see." Matthew's frosty greeting wasn't lost on Rick who didn't seem to mind.

"Matthew. What an unexpected surprise. I didn't know you could make it to this ball." Mary frowned at the hidden insult in Rick's words. Matthew, wisely Mary was happy to note, stayed silent. "I was just inviting Mary here to join Tony and me at the private after party. Oh, and you of course." The purposeful hastiness of the last bit had a clear message. Matthew wasn't welcome any more.

"I don't think we are really up for anymore after this." Mary answered for them both, stepping into Matthew's side and forcing him to wrap his arm around her, not that he objected.

"Now you know what I am talking about Mary. Stop playing obtuse." Matthew looked at her in confusion as Mary stared at Carlisle murderously.

"I want nothing to do with that club of yours." Mary replied and Matthew's confusion only grew.

"Oh, please." Rick seemed to be over playing coy. "You know you want to join us and leave all this." He cast a disdainful eye over their surroundings. "I was sent to be the messenger as to the location. Now let's go before I just leave you here with the unwashed masses." Rick turned on his heel and began to push through the people around them.

"Do you want to explain that?" Matthew kept his voice free of any suspicion even though she knew he didn't appreciate the secrets that Mary just clearly exchanged with Rick.

"Later. We should probably follow him." Together they trailed after Rick, past the lights of the ball and into the darkness of the closed portion of the college grounds. Rick only looked back once to see that they were following before reaching a door and knocking softly. The door swung open and they were ushered in as the door quickly swung shut behind them. They quietly headed down a darkened hall until they reached a door that was haloed by light. Another knock from Rick and the door opened to reveal a well appointed room, only somewhat filled. Bottles of alcohol were scattered everywhere as were substances Matthew didn't want to know the effects of. Mary and Rick acted as if all this was second nature to them, but to Matthew it seemed like something out of a movie. A secret after party with an exclusive invite list? Surely this wasn't real.

"I promise I'll explain later." Mary whispered to him, pulling him out of his shock.

"Welcome to the club with no name." Tony greeted them, arms wide. Mary nodded at his greeting as Rick dropped onto a couch where he was immediately surrounded by girls.

"No name?" Matthew questioned aloud, much to Tony's seeming amusement. "No name, because we don't exist, mate." Tony winked waving them forward. "Now left's get you two some drinks!"

* * *

"This is surreal." Matthew spoke quietly to Mary, watching as the others did any number of illegal activities.

"It's ridiculous." Mary countered, hand gripping a drink she refused to taste. She didn't trust any of these men not to dose her in an effort to 'loosen' her up and Matthew didn't exactly blame her. But it seemed that it was two to one, female to male, which Matthew found odd as he watched the party unfold. And while Matthew recognized the men, he didn't recognize any of the women.

Mary watched Matthew's face as he took in the debauchery. "They are escorts." Mary supplied without prompting, guessing that Matthew was trying to make sense of the people around them.

"What?" He sputtered, coughing on air.

"They should be gone soon." Mary nestled closer to him, pulling the arm that rested around her shoulders in tighter as if it would shield her from what was going on around them.

"I don't understand any of this." Matthew muttered into her ear, averting his eyes from the increasingly sexual overtures happening right in front of them.

"Good." Mary replied. "That only makes me love you more."

* * *

"How did you like our little event?" Rick asked hours later. The escorts were gone, as were most of the other guys leaving Mary and Matthew alone with Rick and Tony.

"It was…interesting." Matthew said politely.

"That's one way to put it." Rick laughed, taking a swig from an open bottle.

"Sorry for surprising you with it. I had wanted to tell you earlier where to find us, but I lost you in the crowd." Tony spoke to them both, even though his eyes were focused solely on Mary.

"Why isn't Mabel here?" Mary asked in return. Tony seemed to frown at the mention of his girlfriend's name before Rick answered for him.

"She isn't a member." Rick sat with his arms splayed out beside him and his legs crossed, as if her were the master and this his domain.

"Neither am I." Mary retorted quickly.

"You're an honorary member." Tony corrected her.

"Why only honorary?" Matthew questioned, bringing all three sets of eyes onto him.

"Men only. Only the elite of the elite. Mary here just happens to fit all the selection criteria for members though." Rick explained, eyes scanning Matthew as if he were found wanting.

"Except for my anatomy." Mary supplied, much to Rick's amusement.

"Yes. But I happen to enjoy your anatomy so I won't object." Rick leered, irritating Matthew. Even Tony seemed to be annoyed with the blatant come on, but Rick ignored them both as he focused on Mary. "How could I? When you look so amazing in any situation?" Matthew watched as Rick pulled out an envelope from behind the couch and broke open the seal. "But when you grow up looking as you did, well, you could only become more beautiful with age." He threw a photo onto the table before them and the image made Matthew turn away. He hadn't seen it before, but he hadn't needed to know what it was. Mary had told him all about them.

They were of her. When she was fourteen.

"How did you get these?" Matthew glad to hear the steadiness in her voice as she pushed the image away. Tony grabbed it before it could slip away, studying it intently.

"Its a funny story actually. Did you know that your aunt and uncle kept your cousin Patrick's room a shrine to him? It hasn't changed at all in the five years since his unfortunate death." Seeing that he had all the attention on him, Rick continued. "You see, your aunt and uncle recently hired a house keeper, someone to clean their home, take care of things, including Patrick's room. But this woman, well, she wasn't much of a housekeeper."

Rick paused to make sure he had all of their attention on him before continuing. "She was a thief and was using the job to knick some things before skipping town. She figured that she'd start in the room that was now a shrine, after all, neither of her employers ever went in there so it would be months, if not years before they noticed anything gone. So while she was searching his desk, she came along this." Rick held up the envelope, flipping it between his hands. "She knew what she had was a payday so she sought out one of my family's papers, intent to sell the contents. And I bought it off her. For a hefty price I might add." Rick seemed delighted to be telling this story, even as Mary and Matthew sat there in increasing anger. Tony seemed entirely confused as to what he was looking at. "Don't worry, I made her sign a NDA. Your secret is safe with me."

"So not safe at all then." Mary bit out.

"Don't be that way, Mary." Rick tsked, shaking his head.

"Rick, what is this?" Tony interrupted, still holding on to the photo.

"Do you want to tell him, or should I?" Rick taunted, staring Mary down. Mary refused to be the first to give in and stayed silent, meeting his gaze head on. After a few moments of silence, Rick finally laughed and looked towards his friend. "Me it is! You see Tony, Mary here isn't the innocent she wanted us all to believe she was. No, see, the cold and careful Lady Mary was a slut in her teenaged years."

"You don't know what you are talking about." Matthew growled out, hand bunching into fists.

"Oh, so he knows?" Rick grin widened. "But you didn't tell Tony? That doesn't seem right, does it?"

"Will one of you just tell me what the hell it is that I am looking at?" Tony shouted. Rick just smirked at Mary before speaking again.

"Those my friends, are some shots of our dear Mary after her deflowering. And at fourteen too. How scandalous." Rick seemed to delight in telling Tony the details. His eyes were still intently focused on Mary, a battle of wills that neither was willing to back down from.

"What?" Tony was shocked, his face falling at the reveal.

"It was with that guy Pamuk, right? Your cousin's buddy. No wonder you never slept with Tony here. He not foreign enough for you? Not adventurous enough?"

"I'd stop this if I were you Rick." Matthew sat forward, blocking Mary from Rick's view and effectively ending their staring match. "You don't know what you are talking about. You could go to jail for those photos."

"I don't think I will." Matthew wasn't sure what Rick was referring to with this answer, but the smile that continued to grace his face told Matthew all he needed to know.

"Mary?" Tony's wounded voice cut through the tense silence and they all watched as he got up and sat beside her. Matthew wanted to push him away, but he could only watch as Tony looked at her with a pitiful expression in his eyes.

"Was it me? Is that why you didn't tell me? Why we didn't work out?" He seemed genuinely upset, his composure slipping. "You have to know that I don't care about your past. Who you slept with before me didn't matter, doesn't matter. If anything it takes the pressure off." He reached out for one of Mary's hand, placing it between both of his own. "I don't think being sexually aware makes you a slut, unlike what Rick said."

Mary seemed frozen, unsure what to do as she sat between Tony and Matthew. The former stared at her beseechingly, ducking his head to try and meet her eye. The latter watched in horror.

"Now that its all out in the open, you can dump this one," Rick pointed to Matthew, "and be happy with Tony." He took the photo Tony had cast aside, slipping it back into his envelope.

"You have no idea what you are talking about, do you?" Matthew finally shouted, standing as he stared between the two men. Rick seemed smug, Tony hopeful, and Matthew lost any of the reserve he may have had long ago. "Mary, let's go. Now." He held out his hand and she took it, allowing him to help her up. He tried to usher her out the door, but Mary stopped him with a hand on his arm as she turned to face the two men.

"I was raped, Rick. That envelope? It's proof of that." Mary watched as Tony's eyes widened at her words while Rick's narrowed.

"Being passed out proves nothing. I imagine in your inexperience, Pamuk must have worn you out. What is it they say in racing? Rode hard and put away wet?" Rick stood, matching Mary's stance.

"You son of a –" Mary heard Matthew shout before all hell broke loose.

* * *

"Security heard the commotion and that's how they found us." Mary concluded. Her hands were gripped so tightly in her lap that her knuckles were white.

There was silence from the other end of the table as they absorbed the news. None of them seemed to want to be the first to speak.

"So you see, it wasn't Matthew's fault." Mary repeated into the silence. "He was only trying to protect me. If anything, the fault is mine."

"Lady Mary, if what you say is true, then we have much larger issues than just fighting and destruction of property on our hands." The sub-Rector finally spoke.

"Of course what I said is true. Why would I make something like this up?"

"We aren't suggesting you are, Lady Mary." One of the other committee members spoke up. "But we can't take accusations like this lightly."

"I think it'd be best if we reconvene after we can do a thorough investigation. You are free to go Lady Mary. Mr. Crawley as well." Mary didn't hesitate after that announcement. She immediately stood and was out the door before another word could be spoken.

As soon as she entered the hall, Matthew stood. His hair was once again a mess, and he looked as if someone had put him through the ringer. The sight of him caused whatever had been holding her together until that point to snap. She rushed towards him, burying her head in his shoulder as she worked to keep from breaking down into tears.

"Mary? What happened? Are you alright?" His words came in a rush as he held her as close as physically possible. Her body shuttered in his arms, causing his alarm to increase as he tried to comfort her as best he could.

"We can go." She finally managed to utter, lifting her head and meeting his eye. His expression was still troubled and she knew he was moments away from asking what had caused her to react in such a way so she forced herself to look away from him and back to his hair. "Your hair is a mess." She smiled softly, reaching up to smooth it out much like she had before walking into that room.

"But I have to speak to them next." He nodded towards the doors at the end of the hall. Matthew didn't push Mary is answer the unspoken questions that lingered between them, sensing that she wasn't going to answer even if he did ask.

Mary just shook her head. "No. They dismissed you for now. They'll call us back later." Mary reached for him again, burying her face in to the softness of his sweater as he stroked a hand up and down her back. Belatedly, she realized she was probably ruining her makeup against the soft cashmere, but she couldn't be bothered to do anything about it now.

Matthew continued to stroke his hand up and down her back as they stood rooted to that spot. "What do you need? What can I do?" He whispered, pressing a kiss to the crown of her head, the only part accessible to him from where she was buried against his shoulder.

Mary lifted her head after his questions, wiping her fingers under her eyes to make sure she didn't look completely like a train wreck. "Let's go home, Matthew. Take me home."

So that's what he did. He didn't ask any questions when Mary told him to take her to his place. Instead, he just took her to his flat and let her use him as a human pillow as they laid there in silence.

"Its going to get out. What happened." Mary finally spoke. "Rick's family's papers are going to make it into a spectacle."

"Doesn't matter." Matthew squeezed her shoulders gently in reassurance. "We'll get through it together."

* * *

 **AN: So...what do you think?**


	26. Chapter 25

**_AN: So it's been a little bit. Sorry about that. Enjoy!_**

* * *

Edith watched as her subscriber count climbed with each minute. It had taken her months to reach just 100,000 subscribers, but in the few days since the headlines about her sister broke, she had gained half a million more and it didn't look like it was stopping anytime soon.

Part of Edith knew that these people were only subscribing in hopes of hearing more about the story her sister was involved in. Comments were already piling up on her last video asking about Mary and whether she was going to do any videos with her soon. She didn't reply to those comments, mostly because she didn't know anything about what was going on with Mary and Mary wasn't about to tell her. She could try Matthew, but he probably wouldn't budge either. But maybe Tony? He was just as much her friend as Mary's so maybe he would be willing to do something for her for her videos.

Grabbing her phone, she scrolled through her contacts until she reached Tony's name. Her fingers hovered over the new message screen she had opened before the perfect idea came to mind.

'Hey Tony…'

* * *

Matthew's mobile hadn't stopped ringing all day. Ever since Rick had followed through with his threat to publish, he had been inundated with messages from friends who knew he was the unidentified man whose name had been redacted in the report about the fight. The worse though, was from his mother.

He had been ignoring her calls all day, replying back with a simple message that he was in the library and they could talk later. That hadn't stopped Isobel though, and she continued to ring him every hour, even though he ignored them all.

He had since left the library, having hurried over to Mary's place in the hour since his mother's last call. He knew her next call was due any moment, based on her pattern, so he stared at his mobile unsure of his next move. When his phone began to vibrate a minute later, it shook the table and caused Mary to look up at him from her own revision. He was still undecided about whether he should pick it up or not.

"You should answer that." Mary chimed in, eyes meeting his before looking down at the device. "She's only going to keep calling until you do."

"I feel as if I'm back in primary school and she's going to ground me or something." He muttered in explanation before he grabbed the device and hit accept. Mary's bemused smile followed him as he left the room so she could keep working in peace.

"Hello mother."

* * *

"How did it go?" Mary asked when Matthew reappeared close to an hour later. He flopped down into the seat he had occupied before with a groan, dropping his head into his hands. "That well, huh?" She reached out with her hand to massage the back of his neck, trying to ease the tension she felt there.

"She's worried this will mess up my future prospects." Matthew took the hand Mary had rested on the base of his skull and pressed a kiss to her palm. "Even though my name is not mentioned anywhere in the piece."

"You still have your training contract set up for after you graduate, right?" Mary pushed aside her work, focusing her attention on Matthew as he nodded in response to her question. "Then everything will be fine." She was completely calm about this, had been since the story broke, but Matthew couldn't understand why. Unlike him, she was explicitly named in the story and the story was far from complete. It speculated (fairly accurately) about the secret club that Mary, Tony, and Rick were all a part of, detailing the fight especially. All the information about Mary's past wasn't addressed, but the piece did allude to more, and he knew what that 'more' was.

"How come your parents aren't beside themselves with worry?" Matthew asked the question that had been nagging him.

"They already knew about the club. Well, my father did. And trust me, they have their lawyers all over Carlisle's father to keep him from publishing anymore." Matthew watched her as she spoke, and while her voice was nonchalant, the terse expression on her face told him that she wasn't as calm as she appeared to be. It struck him then that Mary was putting on brave face for him because he was full with enough anxiousness for the both of them. "And before you even mention his name, Tony won't go blurting this out either. It would do him no service to do something like that."

Tony had been the last person on his mind and Matthew just nodded in agreement. He knew Tony wouldn't do anything to seriously jeopardize Mary. Mostly because that would mean that he would have zero future chances with her. Then again, Tony didn't really have any sort of chance with Mary, ever again, not as long as Matthew was still alive.

"Your mobile's lit up." Mary point out in the silence that had followed her earlier declaration.

"Oh." Matthew looked down at the device, expecting it to notify him of a message from someone wanting information or even from his mother yet again. But it wasn't. In fact, it was a notification from YouTube. "Your sister has posted a new video."

"My sister? How on earth could you know that?" Mary asked incredulously.

Matthew grabbed his laptop from his abandoned bag, powering it on and opening his browser. "I subscribed to her channel." He explained, clicking onto YouTube and then Edith's channel.

"Why would you do something as stupid as that?"

"I just wanted to be supportive." Matthew shrugged, before his eyes widened at what he saw on the screen. "Mary, come look at this."

"If it's another video ranting about how irritating I am, I'll pass." Mary rolled her eyes, having no intention of watching yet another of Edith's inane vlogs.

"She interviewed Tony." It was all he needed to say. Mary got up and stood by his shoulder, silent as he pushed play.

* * *

Everyday, Matthew would check the newspapers, waiting for the moment that Rick would follow through with his ultimate threat and have one of his reporters post a story about Mary's past. It had been a week since the news about the secret club had broken and while the whole university (and seemingly the country) was focused on what a bunch of rich, entitled, uni students did in their free time, not a word more was printed in reference to Mary.

Mary continued on as if everything were normal. They had both been slapped with a fine from her college for the damage done as a result of the fight that night, but had faced no other disciplinary actions. When that news came out, Matthew wasn't sure who was more relieved by it, himself or his mother. His training contract was still lined up for after graduation in a few months time so it honestly seemed as if that night had just been a bad dream. Except for the fact that he felt like he had the sword of Damocles present over his head. (Normally he would leave the references to Greek mythology to his classics loving girlfriend, but in this moment it seemed appropriate.)

Robert had been calling Mary every few days, although the conversation never lasted more than 20 minutes or so. Afterwards, she never mentioned what they discussed, but she never seemed too concerned or upset so Matthew didn't push her. Today though the conversation had already gone past its allotted 20 minutes, Mary just hmming in response to whatever was being said on the other side of the line. They had been sitting quietly on the couch together for the duration, but when it went long, Matthew went to get up, but Mary's grip on his hand tightened stopping him. Now he was stuck waiting for the call to end so he could finally ask what was going on.

"Thank you, Papa. Yes. I understand. See you are the benefit this weekend. Goodbye." Mary hit end on her mobile, but didn't move from her seat.

"That was your father?" Matthew asked unnecessarily. He shifted slightly so he could look at her directly.

"Yes. As well as Murray and Carlisle Sr. and his lawyer. It's all been handled." She finally moved to get up herself, but Matthew stopped her this time.

"Handled? What's been -? They aren't going to publish?" He was confused. "I thought your parents didn't know about what Patrick did and the photos?"

"I had to tell them, obviously. Once they got over the shock of it all, they threatened to sue Carlisle for all he was worth if he went through with his son's threat to print it. That was enough to stay his hand. Plus, when he realized just what the story was and how it would make him look to publish something such as that, he forced Rick to hand over all the evidence he had purchased off that woman who gave it to him in the first place." Matthew let out a deep breath in relief.

"So it really is all over." Matthew reiterated, tugging Mary close so he could wrap his arms around her.

"It really is." Mary repeated, sinking into his embrace. They sat in silence once more, taking the time to process the news. Matthew had hoped that once it was all over, he would feel like he had before all this happened, that all his stress and anxiety over the situation would dissipate like early morning fog at sunrise. The reality was much different. He did feel better, but he knew this was only the end of one chapter in this saga.

They still had Tony to deal with after all.

After a few minutes of quiet, Matthew realized that there was another part of what Mary had said to her father when before she hung up that he had no idea about. "Did you say something about a benefit?"

* * *

The charity benefit was in full swing, but Tony's heart wasn't in it. He couldn't tell you what the people speaking to him were saying. Their lips were moving, but as far as he was concerned, no sound was coming out. Same went for Mabel as she maintained small talk beside him. He kept sipping at the glass some server had handed to him as he entered, using it as an excuse to not open his mouth anymore than necessary. His other hand was buried deep in his trouser pocket and Mabel took it as opportunity to loop her arm through his, her hand squeezing on his forearm to try and catch his attention. It was a lost cause; it had been from the moment those two had walked into the room.

Mary, escorted by Matthew, looking the way a society couple should look. They hadn't spotted him yet, that he knew for certain. Ever since the fall out from the ball and Rick's impetuous decision to try and blackmail Mary had failed, they had wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. He had tried to apologize. Many times. Anna just turned him away from the flat when anyone even deigned to open the door; no one even bothered when he tried visiting Matthew's. He had even done Edith's little interview in hopes that they would watch it and see how sorry he was about all this mess. But nothing came of it. No call, no message. Nothing.

It wasn't his fault. Why couldn't they understand that? He couldn't control Rick, no one could. Once Rick Carlisle got an idea in his head, he couldn't be dissuaded. If Mary and Matthew were to blame anyone it should be themselves; after all, they goaded Rick into action. He hadn't done anything wrong. He had tried to comfort Mary after the truth came out. Matthew was the one who was too angry to recognize that.

"We will have to definitely do that, won't we Tony?" Mabel subtly pressed the heel of her stiletto into foot, jolting him back into the conversation.

"Oh, absolutely. It would be a pleasure." Tony didn't know what he was agreeing to, just that the couple before them smiled widely before scampering off and finding someone else to suck up to.

"Staring at her isn't going to make her or him any more likely to hear you out, you know." Mabel informed him, taking the glass from his hand and taking a sip. "I hate the double standard that women have to stick to champagne for most of the evening while you men get all the good stuff. Is this whisky?"

"Yes." Tony answered absently, eyes trying to relocate Mary and Matthew in the crowd.

"I'm going to go check in with our parents. Make sure they haven't donated too much of our fortunes to this ridiculous cause." Mabel handed Tony back his glass and he took it without looking, his focus too absorbed with trying to find his old friends. "Don't do anything too embarrassing this evening, Tony. There is only so much I can do to smooth things over." She tapped him on the chest twice before walking away, dissolving into the crowd. Tony barely noticed she was gone until he went to take another sip of his drink to find it empty.

"Where's the bar?" He muttered, finally giving up his search and hurrying to get a second glass.

—

Unlike Tony, Mabel knew exactly where Mary Crawley was. She had been keeping an eye on her since she was emerged through the crowd at the entrance, her boyfriend sticking close to her side. They had never been formally introduced although Mabel knew more about the Lady Mary Crawley than she ever wished to know.

Picking her way through the crowd, Mabel maneuvered herself just so, allowing her to inject herself into Mary's little circle just as the latest crowd departed, but before she became engaged in another conversation. Even better, her boyfriend seemed deep in discussion with someone else, leaving Mary alone for the first time all night. She saw her chance and took it. "Dreadfully dull tonight, isn't it?" Mabel opened the conversation, accepting the champagne glass from the circulating server with a small smile.

Mary regarded her silently and Mabel wished she had worn the heels that would put her at the same height as Mary instead of going for marginal comfort as she had with the heels she selected. But she refused to allow herself to be intimidated as Mary stared at her, her brow raised in silent question.

"Mabel Lane Fox." Mabel toasted with her champagne glass in greeting before taking a generous sip. She watched Mary's expression, waiting for the shock or surprise at the revelation as to her identity, but none came. So Mary Crawley knew who she was, or she was very good actress. Mabel assumed it was the latter.

Mary continued to regard her coolly before opening her mouth to speak. "Is there something I can do for you, Mabel?" Mabel appreciated the fact that Mary skipped all the pleasantries, getting right down to it. She tended to do the same so she could appreciate it from another, even begrudgingly.

"You can stop stringing Tony along." Mary seemed amused with her response, which only made Mabel narrow her eyes in restrained agitation. "He was happy with me, before you reappeared."

"I never disappeared to reappear in the first place." Mary informed her, as if speaking to a child. She smiled as people greeted her, nodding in greeting as they walked by.

"Can I be blunt?" Mabel replied, but she didn't wait for an answer before continuing. "You've had your time in the spotlight. You found your man. It's time for you to move on."

"Mary? Your grandmother would like to speak with you?" Mabel watched as Mary's boyfriend interrupted them, his hand immediately falling to her back as he spoke with her. The sight made Mabel want to chug down the rest of her champagne but she couldn't, not here, so she just fixed the blond man with an impassive stare as he looked over her quickly before looking back at Mary in concern.

"I'll only be a moment, Matthew. You should go and speak with her." Mary leaned close to him then, whispering something that Mabel couldn't hear but it made the Matthew laugh lightly before he left them alone again.

"Mabel, I wish you all the best with Tony. He's yours. I am in no way doing what you imply." Mary took a step closer then, lowering her voice and speaking again. "If I were you, I would be concerned that he's more interested in a woman who clearly doesn't want him than someone who's clearly does. What does that say about him? More importantly," she paused, looking her over again, "what does that say about you?" Mary finished with a small smirk before following the path Matthew had disappeared down moments before. Mabel stared at Mary's retreating back before giving up.

"Fuck it." She muttered, downing the last of her champagne and seeking out the bar.

She needed a stronger drink.


End file.
